[user104658]

The books are awful, the semi-literate ramblings of a sexually frustrated middle aged woman. Anyone who calls their protagonist "Anastasia" should be tarred and feathered, for a start, and don't get me started on the "literary technique". It lies somewhere between "5 year old" and "Angry cat that got ink on its claws and then scrabbled across a piece of paper".

The film - almost unfathomably - is even worse. That's not to say "don't watch it", though, I found it oddly compelling viewing because it is so bad that you just have to keep watching. I can't decide if the actors are bad, or if the script is just so infantile that they don't know what to do with it? Either way, there's no chemistry between the two leads, and also, it's the film of a book that became famous for explicit depictions of pseudo-BDSM sex but all of the sex in the film is completely tame and vanilla. There's not a hint of BDSM, at all. At one point he starts STROKING HER LIGHTLY with a leather whip. At the very end, they engage in some relatively mild caning and she starts bawling and asking "why does you wants to hurt me tho ". Which he explained in great detail right at the beginning of the film and asked if she was up for it. They have a debate over a table about whether or not anal fisting is OK and she seems pretty much up for anything but... and then he hits her lightly with a stick and she cries. It's ****ing retarded.

There's also far too much aviation.

tl;dr: Christian Grey declares near the beginning of the film - "I don't make love, Anastasia, I fawk.". He then proceeds to make love for the rest of the film. And fly a helicopter. And a plane. And I think maybe a helicopter again. He also has a lot of cars.