[Pete.]

Episode 2

'Chantelle: I'm in a girl band called Kandyfloss
Pete: Oh poor you'

'Chantelle: I love your hair
Pete: Oh thank you its somebody else's.'

'I feel like a cat, I need to piss on the ground to mark my territory'
'[About Celebrity vaginas] Well a twat's a twat innit'
'Goldie Looking Chain? Is that a group?'
'[Dennis ignores Pete and Jodie] HII! I'm Pete'

'Rula: There's only one shower
Pete: Oh friggin hell'

'We have to be resigned to the actual hard cold fact that they're probably going to wake us up at 7 in the morning and we are all going to look crumbled laundry and feel like sh*t'

'BB: What do you think of the house itself Pete?
Pete: It's vile. It looks like a bad LSD induced trip to IKEA.'

[Jason.]

Originally Posted by Pete.

Episode 2

'Chantelle: I'm in a girl band called Kandyfloss
Pete: Oh poor you'

'Chantelle: I love your hair
Pete: Oh thank you its somebody else's.'

'BB: What do you think of the house itself Pete?
Pete: It's vile. It looks like a bad LSD induced trip to IKEA.'

[Pete.]

Episode 3

'Oh I'm freaking out. Oh god I've never been anywhere and had to unpack my own things and I dunno what's in the suitcase and I need my boyfriend to do it!'

'I'm actually having a huge anxiety attack. It's the bathroom thing. I feel a bit traumatised by it. For medical reasons there should be a lock there as in when anyone walks in on me when I'm in the bathroom or shower I'll kill them. Or I'll forget and walk in on Jodie having a poo or something, it's awful.'

'I use the bathroom as my own meditational space and I get very very agitated that someone could walk in and I could be doing a pee and I can't poo... at all'

'[To Faria] I guess [the British public] think you're the whore of Babylon'

'[About his coat] How many Colobus monkeys will get to be on Big Brother and go to Harrods shopping?'

'Your makeup's been tested on animals. Your hair dye's been tested on animals.'

'Well I didn't kill it, it was a gift'

'I'm being lectured on animals, and I like animals. But I like me better.'

'I think of myself totally as a man. If I wanted to be a woman I'd do a better job of it'

'I don't think I look like a woman. I think that's a very naïve view. I don't see any woman that look like me and I don't see any men that look like you [Chantelle].'

'Does it make you [Chantelle] a cross dresser because you wear trousers?'

'Men's clothes are largely boring, so why should men be constricted to them?'

'There are some newsreaders that wear more makeup than me, but they do a better job of making it less obvious'

'You've got to be quite a strong man to do what I do day to day, I've been like this round the clock since I was 13 years old'

'I guess I committed the first socially unacceptable crime by having a gorilla coat.'

'[About homosexuality] Filthy, dirty, disgusting disease!'

'Rula: We tried to adopt when I was 40 and we were told we were too old.
Pete: Because you're a dried up husk'

'Michael: What is Kandyfloss' biggest hit single?
Pete: Three blind mice?'

[Pete.]

Episode 4

'I chant **** off, **** off, **** off, **** off...'

'Chantelle goes into the DR
Pete: Am I allowed to come in?
Chantelle: No
Pete: ****ing bitch'

'What is she doing in that Diary Room? Searching for a bloody G-spot?'

'Dennis if you go in there before me I'm gonna rip your cock off'

'Is she [Chantelle] singing? If that's what you call it'

[Pete.]

Episode 5

'[About Jodie] I think she's either thick as pig ****, or she needs extreme help, or it's very calculated to inflict guilt'

'[Mimicking Jodie] Oh I'd like a bit of ball action if spin the bottle came up. Do you want to see my vagina? I once gave a lap dance and he came in his pants, it's fantastic. I've had an orgy with 5 girls at once, I've got all the polaroids, I've got 5,000 polaroids of my boyfriend's cocks. I like to watch myself in the mirror really ****ing because it makes me like a pornstar. Oh I'd never do porn.'

'You know you could take a horse to water and you can't make it drink, you could take a ***** to culture (?) but you can't make her think.'

'Michael, was it meant to make us feel afraid that she said we're all going to end up in her [Jodie] updated book or pamphlet.'

'I'm cringing so much I'm turning my head inside out.'

'It's like an alcoholic saying "Everyone says I'm an alcoholic" and going [mimicking drinking wine] "glug-glug-glug"'

'Jodie: If someone chopped you up and peeled all your skin off...
Pete: It would be beautiful'

'I actually hope when I'm dead someone stuffs me and puts me in the living room.'

'I would like to be embalmed and put on display prominently'

'She's an imbecile. Don't put yourself in the firing line if you can't take the bullet wounds.'

'Do you think me saying that she's stupid makes me vicious? No she's really intelligent, she's highly intellectual, and I'm sure her book puts Dostoevsky to shame.'

'My ass is real!'

[Pete.]

Episode 11 - Box Task



'My box is thinner than anyone's. Can we just get in and have a sleep?'

'It's like a ****ing Yoko Ono exhibition this'

'George! Take command!'

'Can we make a decision about who's last out the ****ing box?'

'Pete: Can we all agree on Rula [to win the task]?
*Various people say no*
Pete: Oh **** off ya bunch of slags'

'George! Can you ask the fools again?'

'[Pete leaves box after 10 mins] Hang on I thought Prestood was out?'

'Chantelle: It's not about who wins, I just think it's funny that we're all in a box.
Pete: Well you ****in stay in there love'

'Faria: I'm undecided
Pete: Well make a decision you dumb blimp'

'It's typical Americans'

'George: Dennis annoyed me. He kept saying, 'I don't give a ****. I don't give a ****'
Pete: Well that's why Bush is in power isn't it.'

*Pete falls asleep listening to Jimmy Savile talking about Barrymore*

'Chantelle: Did you ask for anything Pete
Pete: I asked for £700,000 right now. No I asked for more modest things I want to get out of here. But I don't think that's realistic is it?'

'I should have asked for 5,000 cigarettes.'

'BB: If you bring a cigar to the diary room, Big Brother will give you 20 cigarettes.
Pete: But then I'll have to share them.'

'Rula is really getting up the crack of my arse and she's a lovely woman'

'Pete: Did you ask what your prize was?
Rula: My thighs?
Pete: Your prize. From the box task *in posh voice*
Big Brother: Would Rula come to the diary room?
Pete: There you go babe'

[Jason.]

Originally Posted by Pete.

'Rula is really getting up the crack of my arse and she's a lovely woman'

[Pete.]

Originally Posted by Pete.

'I actually hope when I'm dead someone stuffs me and puts me in the living room.'

'I would like to be embalmed and put on display prominently'

Interesting