Forgot Password?
Home Menu

Site Navigation


Notices

Chat and Games Looking for forum games, and completely off topic banter - this is your place! (includes Virtual Big Brother type forum games)

ThisisBigBrother.com - UK TV Forums > Non Big Brother Chat > Chat and Games > Tell us a joke
Register to reply Log in to reply
Page 2 of 5 1 2 34 Last »
 
Thread Tools Search this Thread Display Modes
Old 24-06-2017, 02:02 AM #1
Alf's Avatar
Alf Alf is offline
Sod orf
  
Join Date: Jun 2009
Location: Wapping
Posts: 36,254


Alf Alf is offline
Sod orf
Alf's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jun 2009
Location: Wapping
Posts: 36,254


Default
Police are looking for mugger who threatens his victims with a lit match

They need to catch him before he strikes again
Alf is offline  
Old 24-06-2017, 02:05 AM #2
Alf's Avatar
Alf Alf is offline
Sod orf
  
Join Date: Jun 2009
Location: Wapping
Posts: 36,254


Alf Alf is offline
Sod orf
Alf's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jun 2009
Location: Wapping
Posts: 36,254


Default
What do Theresa May and Wayne Rooney have in common?


Spoiler:

They both want to shaft your nan
Alf is offline  
Old 24-06-2017, 02:10 AM #3
Alf's Avatar
Alf Alf is offline
Sod orf
  
Join Date: Jun 2009
Location: Wapping
Posts: 36,254


Alf Alf is offline
Sod orf
Alf's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jun 2009
Location: Wapping
Posts: 36,254


Default
I got really emotional today at the petrol station

I don't know why, I just started filling up
Alf is offline  
Old 24-06-2017, 02:12 AM #4
Mystic Mock's Avatar
Mystic Mock Mystic Mock is offline
Senior Member
  
Join Date: Jan 2010
Location: with joeysteele.
Posts: 65,179

Favourites (more):
BB2024: Sarah
BBCanada 9: Rohan
Mystic Mock Mystic Mock is offline
Senior Member
Mystic Mock's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2010
Location: with joeysteele.
Posts: 65,179

Favourites (more):
BB2024: Sarah
BBCanada 9: Rohan
Default
Alf you're on fire tonight.
__________________


Jimmy Floyd Hasselbaink and River Song as my Strictly 2025 Sweepstakes, and eventual winner and runner-up of the series.
Mystic Mock is offline  
Old 24-06-2017, 02:36 AM #5
Alf's Avatar
Alf Alf is offline
Sod orf
  
Join Date: Jun 2009
Location: Wapping
Posts: 36,254


Alf Alf is offline
Sod orf
Alf's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jun 2009
Location: Wapping
Posts: 36,254


Default
Quote:
Originally Posted by Mystic Mock View Post
Alf you're on fire tonight.
If I'm on fire, you better hurry up and get the marshmallows.
Alf is offline  
Old 24-06-2017, 02:11 PM #6
Alf's Avatar
Alf Alf is offline
Sod orf
  
Join Date: Jun 2009
Location: Wapping
Posts: 36,254


Alf Alf is offline
Sod orf
Alf's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jun 2009
Location: Wapping
Posts: 36,254


Default
Statistically 120% of people over exaggerate.
Alf is offline  
Old 24-06-2017, 02:13 PM #7
Alf's Avatar
Alf Alf is offline
Sod orf
  
Join Date: Jun 2009
Location: Wapping
Posts: 36,254


Alf Alf is offline
Sod orf
Alf's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jun 2009
Location: Wapping
Posts: 36,254


Default
I'm fed up with my mates. 3 times now they've agreed to go to a Whitesnake gig with me and then cancelled.


Here I go again on my own
Alf is offline  
Old 24-06-2017, 02:15 PM #8
Alf's Avatar
Alf Alf is offline
Sod orf
  
Join Date: Jun 2009
Location: Wapping
Posts: 36,254


Alf Alf is offline
Sod orf
Alf's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jun 2009
Location: Wapping
Posts: 36,254


Default
I hate Christmas, whoever invented it wants nailing to a cross.
Alf is offline  
Old 24-06-2017, 02:18 PM #9
Alf's Avatar
Alf Alf is offline
Sod orf
  
Join Date: Jun 2009
Location: Wapping
Posts: 36,254


Alf Alf is offline
Sod orf
Alf's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jun 2009
Location: Wapping
Posts: 36,254


Default
Conjunctivitis.com

Now there's a site for sore eyes
Alf is offline  
Old 24-06-2017, 02:19 PM #10
Alf's Avatar
Alf Alf is offline
Sod orf
  
Join Date: Jun 2009
Location: Wapping
Posts: 36,254


Alf Alf is offline
Sod orf
Alf's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jun 2009
Location: Wapping
Posts: 36,254


Default
Wind Turbines


I'm a huge fan
Alf is offline  
Old 24-06-2017, 02:21 PM #11
Alf's Avatar
Alf Alf is offline
Sod orf
  
Join Date: Jun 2009
Location: Wapping
Posts: 36,254


Alf Alf is offline
Sod orf
Alf's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jun 2009
Location: Wapping
Posts: 36,254


Default
I saw the Worlds largest egg earlier.

I thought, that'll take some beating!
Alf is offline  
Old 24-06-2017, 02:23 PM #12
Epic.'s Avatar
Epic. Epic. is offline
Senior Member
  
Join Date: Jul 2016
Posts: 20,965
Epic. Epic. is offline
Senior Member
Epic.'s Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2016
Posts: 20,965
Default
Have one I came up with myself.

What did the butcher say to the cow?

Spoiler:

"Your life is at steak"
__________________
Quote:
Originally Posted by montblanc View Post
weird ass british language
Epic. is offline  
Old 24-06-2017, 02:25 PM #13
Alf's Avatar
Alf Alf is offline
Sod orf
  
Join Date: Jun 2009
Location: Wapping
Posts: 36,254


Alf Alf is offline
Sod orf
Alf's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jun 2009
Location: Wapping
Posts: 36,254


Default
There's a Polish bloke next door. Every night he stands at the top of our street singing "I want to know what love is"


Bloody Foreigner!
Alf is offline  
Old 24-06-2017, 06:13 PM #14
Alf's Avatar
Alf Alf is offline
Sod orf
  
Join Date: Jun 2009
Location: Wapping
Posts: 36,254


Alf Alf is offline
Sod orf
Alf's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jun 2009
Location: Wapping
Posts: 36,254


Default
What I if told you...

That you read the first line incorrectly?
Alf is offline  
Old 24-06-2017, 06:16 PM #15
Alf's Avatar
Alf Alf is offline
Sod orf
  
Join Date: Jun 2009
Location: Wapping
Posts: 36,254


Alf Alf is offline
Sod orf
Alf's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jun 2009
Location: Wapping
Posts: 36,254


Default
Just heard that Beyoncé has discovered that Roy Castle was her real father.

Can't see her taking his surname somehow.
Alf is offline  
Old 24-06-2017, 06:18 PM #16
Alf's Avatar
Alf Alf is offline
Sod orf
  
Join Date: Jun 2009
Location: Wapping
Posts: 36,254


Alf Alf is offline
Sod orf
Alf's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jun 2009
Location: Wapping
Posts: 36,254


Default
For my next trick, I prepare to eat a percussion instrument in a sandwich.


Drum roll please
Alf is offline  
Old 24-06-2017, 06:27 PM #17
JerseyWins's Avatar
JerseyWins JerseyWins is offline
Meow Meow
  
Join Date: Aug 2014
Posts: 21,292

Favourites (more):
BBUSA22: Enzo
BBCanada 8: Jamar
JerseyWins JerseyWins is offline
Meow Meow
JerseyWins's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2014
Posts: 21,292

Favourites (more):
BBUSA22: Enzo
BBCanada 8: Jamar
Default
Quote:
Originally Posted by Alf View Post
For my next trick, I prepare to eat a percussion instrument in a sandwich.


Drum roll please
__________________
JerseyWins is offline  
Old 24-06-2017, 06:20 PM #18
Alf's Avatar
Alf Alf is offline
Sod orf
  
Join Date: Jun 2009
Location: Wapping
Posts: 36,254


Alf Alf is offline
Sod orf
Alf's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jun 2009
Location: Wapping
Posts: 36,254


Default
I just had a game of darts with a zombie and an alien.


One undead and E.T
Alf is offline  
Old 24-06-2017, 06:28 PM #19
Alf's Avatar
Alf Alf is offline
Sod orf
  
Join Date: Jun 2009
Location: Wapping
Posts: 36,254


Alf Alf is offline
Sod orf
Alf's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jun 2009
Location: Wapping
Posts: 36,254


Default
I answered the door this morning, and a 6ft beetle punched me in the face and called me a tw@.


Apparently there's a nasty bug going round!
Alf is offline  
Old 24-06-2017, 06:35 PM #20
Alf's Avatar
Alf Alf is offline
Sod orf
  
Join Date: Jun 2009
Location: Wapping
Posts: 36,254


Alf Alf is offline
Sod orf
Alf's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jun 2009
Location: Wapping
Posts: 36,254


Default
I went to bed with a blind girl last night. And she said I had the biggest knob she'd ever laid her hands on.


I said "You're pulling my leg"
Alf is offline  
Old 28-06-2017, 05:48 PM #21
Alf's Avatar
Alf Alf is offline
Sod orf
  
Join Date: Jun 2009
Location: Wapping
Posts: 36,254


Alf Alf is offline
Sod orf
Alf's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jun 2009
Location: Wapping
Posts: 36,254


Default
I was arguing with my girlfriend in Nandos, when my best friend ran off with the garlic bread and coleslaw.


I wish he'd stop taking sides
Alf is offline  
Old 28-06-2017, 05:49 PM #22
Alf's Avatar
Alf Alf is offline
Sod orf
  
Join Date: Jun 2009
Location: Wapping
Posts: 36,254


Alf Alf is offline
Sod orf
Alf's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jun 2009
Location: Wapping
Posts: 36,254


Default
My wife said she's leaving me because I've put CCTV all around the house.

To be honest, I can see where she's coming from.
Alf is offline  
Old 28-06-2017, 05:51 PM #23
Alf's Avatar
Alf Alf is offline
Sod orf
  
Join Date: Jun 2009
Location: Wapping
Posts: 36,254


Alf Alf is offline
Sod orf
Alf's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jun 2009
Location: Wapping
Posts: 36,254


Default
I got a new job doing shift work, making chess sets.

I'm on knights next week
Alf is offline  
Old 28-06-2017, 05:51 PM #24
Alf's Avatar
Alf Alf is offline
Sod orf
  
Join Date: Jun 2009
Location: Wapping
Posts: 36,254


Alf Alf is offline
Sod orf
Alf's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jun 2009
Location: Wapping
Posts: 36,254


Default
my wife has left me because of my obsession with cricket.

It's really hit me for six
Alf is offline  
Old 28-06-2017, 05:58 PM #25
Alf's Avatar
Alf Alf is offline
Sod orf
  
Join Date: Jun 2009
Location: Wapping
Posts: 36,254


Alf Alf is offline
Sod orf
Alf's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jun 2009
Location: Wapping
Posts: 36,254


Default
I've just been to the park to feed the Bananas
Alf is offline  
Register to reply Log in to reply
Page 2 of 5 1 2 34 Last »

Bookmark/share this topic

Tags
joke

« Previous Thread | Next Thread »
Thread Tools Search this Thread
Search this Thread:

Advanced Search
Display Modes
Hybrid Mode Hybrid Mode

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts
BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Forum Jump


All times are GMT. The time now is 05:22 AM.

Powered by vBulletin® Version 3.8.11
Copyright ©2000 - 2025, vBulletin Solutions Inc.
User Alert System provided by Advanced User Tagging (Pro) - vBulletin Mods & Addons Copyright © 2025 DragonByte Technologies Ltd.
 

About Us ThisisBigBrother.com

"Big Brother and UK Television Forum. Est. 2001"

 

Contact Us ThisisBigBrother.com
© 2023
no new posts