[Niamh.]

Originally Posted by Candy Cane

Just makes me wonder as he felt comfortable enough to tell you guys that he was gay he felt he could be more himself maybe, if he is young it may be he doesn't realise it isn't acceptable in the workplace

Yeah i was thinking that too

[DemolitionRed]

Originally Posted by Candy Cane

Just makes me wonder as he felt comfortable enough to tell you guys that he was gay he felt he could be more himself maybe, if he is young it may be he doesn't realise it isn't acceptable in the workplace

Oh I'm sure, but we all know he's capable of toning it down.

[bots]

I don't think its a case of PC gone mad. The problem is that any type of inappropriate behaviour is open to interpretation/doubt until it becomes blatant, but there are many different shades open to interpretation by individuals till it becomes blatant. The same conundrum applies across any interpersonal relationship in the work place. If someone is repeatable being blatant then they are just not being nice and deserve to get pulled up on it.

[user104658]

The problem here is that you have someone who has been suppressing / altering their most basic personality in the workplace, and now has decided to be more open, which will have been a weight off his shoulders and allowed him to be more himself. The problem is, he has thus far been "faking" his work persona (everyone has one) and so now has no idea how to be himself, but also in "work mode"... and has gone way past the "balance point" into being inappropriate for work.

Honestly I would say as it was only a couple of months ago, it's worth giving him time to find that balance before making it "a thing"... if it carries on then it can be mentioned sensitively.

[Tom4784]

Not Lucas disrupting the workplace.

[DemolitionRed]

Originally Posted by bitontheslide

I don't think its a case of PC gone mad. The problem is that any type of inappropriate behaviour is open to interpretation/doubt until it becomes blatant, but there are many different shades open to interpretation by individuals till it becomes blatant. The same conundrum applies across any interpersonal relationship in the work place. If someone is repeatable being blatant then they are just not being nice and deserve to get pulled up on it.

I Agree. We have to experience something for the first time before we can properly look at that issue and handle it the best way possible.

With things like this we always have to question our own motives. For a while, none of the other staff so much as mentioned it because nobody wanted to be the first to say something. That isn't about being PC, its about protecting yourself from whispers and potential accusations within your place of work. We do after all, spend a good percentage of our life with our work colleagues.

I've been in a position of having to whistleblow on someone at work and the consequence of that was six months of hell. Things got so bad I had to put a mask on every time I walked into work. I was tough enough to do that but it nearly broke me and it certainly affected my life in a fairly big way. Whilst I wouldn't hesitate to still whistleblow on an abusive situation, I'm very cautious about telling tails on a bloke who annoys me to the point of affecting my work.

[DemolitionRed]

Originally Posted by Toy Santa

The problem here is that you have someone who has been suppressing / altering their most basic personality in the workplace, and now has decided to be more open, which will have been a weight off his shoulders and allowed him to be more himself. The problem is, he has thus far been "faking" his work persona (everyone has one) and so now has no idea how to be himself, but also in "work mode"... and has gone way past the "balance point" into being inappropriate for work.

Honestly I would say as it was only a couple of months ago, it's worth giving him time to find that balance before making it "a thing"... if it carries on then it can be mentioned sensitively.

Yes it has to be sensitive. I still think Annies idea is the best way forward. At least if we all get letter he knows somethings been said about someone and that might be enough for him to tone things down and if he starts up again we can always wave the letter at him.

[DemolitionRed]

Originally Posted by Dezzy

Not Lucas disrupting the workplace.

[Crimson Dynamo]

Originally Posted by Dezzy

Not Lucas disrupting the workplace.

Originally Posted by DemolitionRed

Oh I'm sure, but we all know he's capable of toning it down.

not Lucas then

[Cherie]

Originally Posted by Isaiah 7:14

not Lucas then

you are on form today LT

[Tom4784]

He's probably just happy you accept him so that he can be himself, he'll find his balance eventually. It's quite worrying telling new people about your sexuality, you can never be sure how they react, especially at work since discrimination is still a thing and sometimes no action will come from making a complaint or reporting the issue to a higher up.

Feeling like you could be ostracised or even at risk because of your sexuality is not a good feeling, especially when it comes to something as important as work.

[Cherie]

Originally Posted by Dezzy

He's probably just happy you accept him so that he can be himself, he'll find his balance eventually. It's quite worrying telling new people about your sexuality, you can never be sure how they react, especially at work since discrimination is still a thing and sometimes no action will come from making a complaint or reporting the issue to a higher up.

Feeling like you could be ostracised or even at risk because of your sexuality is not a good feeling, especially when it comes to something as important as work.

there is no onus on colleagues to mention their sexuality though, he got the job fair and square on his ability, not how he is outside work. I doubt many swingers go into work and mention it around the water cooler

[Tom4784]

Originally Posted by Candy Cane

there is no onus on colleagues to mention their sexuality though, he got the job fair and square on his ability, not how he is outside work. I doubt many swingers go into work and mention it around the water cooler

Are you comparing homosexuality/bisexuality to swinging?

[Cherie]

Originally Posted by Dezzy

Are you comparing homosexuality/bisexuality to swinging?

No I am comparing what you do in your private life. As long as it doesn't impinge on your worklife i don't see why anyone would need to "come out" at work, usually work colleagues find out about each other naturally like when you start talking about what you did at the weekends etc, I find it sad that he felt the need to say like it mattered because it doesn't!

[Crimson Dynamo]

Why did he need to tell anyone at work who he likes to have sex with?

[Tom4784]

People talk about their private lives all the time at work, I know a lot about the people I work with because everyone talks to each other, why shouldn't someone who isn't straight have to hide in fear of a bad reaction?

[Crimson Dynamo]

Originally Posted by Dezzy

People talk about their private lives all the time at work, I know a lot about the people I work with because everyone talks to each other, why shouldn't someone who isn't straight have to hide in fear of a bad reaction?

what bad reaction is this?

[Cherie]

A couple of months ago he told us all he was gay


I might be wrong but it sounds like he announced it, no one cared, no would probably would have cared if he didn't announce it either tbh

[Tom4784]

Originally Posted by Isaiah 7:14

what bad reaction is this?

The fear that comes every time someone who isn't straight has to come out to people. You can't understand it if you aren't gay/bi etc.

You pretty much have to assess every person and think 'hmm, will I be putting myself at risk of discrimination and even violence if I tell this person?'

[DemolitionRed]

There is one other gay guy and two very upwardly mobile lesbians in my team. There's no secrecy about them. He would of known about them within a week. I believe he didn't say anything for a while because he simply wanted to learn his new job role. Once he felt confident in his role, he felt confident in sharing his sexuality with us. Its definitely a confidence thing but I doubt its something he lost any sleep over.

[bots]

i have never discussed my private life at work because its ... private. If there is going to be some conflict between work and private schedules, that may be referenced, but other than that, we are there to work, not discuss each others lives.

[DemolitionRed]

Neither do I, I'm an enigma! The problem with that is, if people don't know they can make it up!

[Shaun]

Hmm he could be closeted with friends/family and finds work a new outlet for him to "be himself", is my worry...

From my experience talking about personal lives at work has always been part of the getting to know everyone package [*shoos DemolitionRed's coworker away before he can say "getting to know everyone's package more like ooooo!!"*] so it's not really that unusual to know if someone's seeing someone, is gay, has kids, has just lost a relative, or whatever, so I don't really know why that'd be an issue

I agree with AnnieK though that just a gentle reminder of workplace conduct (ESPECIALLY with the 'fainting over men' thing, definitely a slippery slope to sexual harassment) from higher people would be fine. From someone like you it could sound condescending and give him grounds to shirk responsibility and accuse you of homophobia or whatever.

[Crimson Dynamo]

Originally Posted by Carole of the Bells

Hmm he could be closeted with friends/family and finds work a new outlet for him to "be himself", is my worry...

this is the most plausible explanation ^^

[Kizzy]

Originally Posted by AnnieK

An email from the higher ups reiterating expected behaviour in the workplace and sent to everyone may be enough to make him check his behaviour. If nothing changes then he can be made aware that his behaviour is unacceptable as per email that went to all staff etc.

I'd say this, it's happened at our place, not directly linked to sexual orientation but someone who just didn't have respect for personal space boundaries... the email was generic but we all knew who it was directed at and it worked.