[DemolitionRed]

Do you understand emotional vulnerability and if so, is it a good thing or a bad thing?

[user104658]

Originally Posted by DemolitionRed

Do you understand emotional vulnerability and if so, is it a good thing or a bad thing?

Is this thread covertly about that-which-must-not-be-named?

[DemolitionRed]

Originally Posted by Toy Soldier

Is this thread covertly about that-which-must-not-be-named?

This came from a discussion I had with a friend today. It could be about anything that makes you feel emotionally vulnerable and how you choose to handle that vulnerability.

[arista]

Originally Posted by DemolitionRed

This came from a discussion I had with a friend today. It could be about anything that makes you feel emotionally vulnerable and how you choose to handle that vulnerability.

Tell them to Buck UP

[Tozzie]

Originally Posted by DemolitionRed

Do you understand emotional vulnerability and if so, is it a good thing or a bad thing?

I think its a bad thing because an emotional vulnerable person is usually a person controlled by another. Well thats my idea of it anyway

[waterhog]

if you are emotionally venerable it will effect your decision making - therefore you could come to harm.

[user104658]

It depends on what you mean by emotionally vulnerable to be honest. If you mean being emotionally fragile, then it is obviously a bad thing. If you mean offering up emotional vulnerability as opposed to being "stoic" / un-emotional / closed off... then being able to be emotionally open is always going to be preferable.

A strong person is a person who feels, who admits that they feel. Who can experience the whole range of human emotion without it breaking them. There's a skewed perception that it's better to be "emotionally tough", but to me, that simply means having walls up to defend oneself against negative emotion... and that isn't strong at all. If anything, it's cowardly.

[DemolitionRed]

Originally Posted by Toy Soldier

It depends on what you mean by emotionally vulnerable to be honest. If you mean being emotionally fragile, then it is obviously a bad thing. If you mean offering up emotional vulnerability as opposed to being "stoic" / un-emotional / closed off... then being able to be emotionally open is always going to be preferable.

A strong person is a person who feels, who vulnerable that they feel. Who can experience the whole range of human emotion without it breaking them. There's a skewed perception that it's better to be "emotionally tough", but to me, that simply means having walls up to defend oneself against negative emotion... and that isn't strong at all. If anything, it's cowardly.

Some really good points TS

An example of your second paragraph could be declaring your love to someone without knowing how receptive they will be to those words or asking someone you really like out for the first time, knowing you could be rejected.
If we truly want to be connected, we sometimes have to be emotionally vulnerable.

[user104658]

Originally Posted by DemolitionRed

Some really good points TS

An example of your second paragraph could be declaring your love to someone without knowing how receptive they will be to those words or asking someone you really like out for the first time, knowing you could be rejected.
If we truly want to be connected, we sometimes have to be emotionally vulnerable.

I'm sorry DR but I'm happily married...

In seriousness though I do agree with this, not just or even especially in a romantic sense, but just in terms of general human connection. People are so (for want of a better word) "shy" about showing appreciation for each other, and it's sort of a shame, but you're left with the conundrum of... do I take time to let someone know that I think they're awesome, no agenda, just 'cause? It might make their day... or it might seem weird... or it might give them the wrong idea. So many considerations. People should just be able to be more open

[Cherie]

I doubt anyone goes through life without feeling vulnerable at some point either through bereavement, divorce, bullying, moving home whatever it's an emotion everyone has to face at some point I think unless you are a sociopath/psychopath

[DemolitionRed]

Originally Posted by Cherie

I doubt anyone goes through life without feeling vulnerable at some point either through bereavement, divorce, bullying, moving home whatever it's an emotion everyone has to face at some point I think unless you are a sociopath/psychopath

I believe we are all predisposed to feel emotional vulnerability. Even sociopaths feel vulnerable at times but that's more to do with being caught out in a lie or not getting away with something.

Vulnerability = fear and fear helps us to escape, put right or face up to something.

Emotional bullying is usually subtle and more complex than your school yard stuff. it comes from a psychologically unhealthy place and its all about intimidating and isolating, but what about the person who stands up to a bully. They don't even have to be being bullied themselves but see a friend or co-worker being bullied.... They know what’s happening, they disagree with what is happening but don't speak out because they are afraid. Someone who can overcome that vulnerability and speak out, is surely a person who can conquer their own fears?

[DemolitionRed]

Originally Posted by Toy Soldier

I'm sorry DR but I'm happily married...

In seriousness though I do agree with this, not just or even especially in a romantic sense, but just in terms of general human connection. People are so (for want of a better word) "shy" about showing appreciation for each other, and it's sort of a shame, but you're left with the conundrum of... do I take time to let someone know that I think they're awesome, no agenda, just 'cause? It might make their day... or it might seem weird... or it might give them the wrong idea. So many considerations. People should just be able to be more open

Damn, and there was me looking for a strong healthy man like you!!

[smudgie]

I face up to it.
Give in to it and embrace it at times.

[DemolitionRed]

Originally Posted by smudgie

I face up to it.
Give in to it and embrace it at times.

I believe that to be very healthy smudgie. It means you don't fear your own emotions.

[Crimson Dynamo]

This nonsense never won a war

[Northern Monkey]

Everyone has their vulnerabilities.It's how we handle them that's important.I think it's harder for men to talk about them and let them out.We have to look tough like nothing phases us so our family feel secure.I never like to show my misses and kids my vulnerable side cos i don't want them to think I'm a pussy

[Niamh.]

Originally Posted by Northern Monkey

Everyone has their vulnerabilities.It's how we handle them that's important.I think it's harder for men to talk about them and let them out.We have to look tough like nothing phases us so our family feel secure.I never like to show my misses and kids my vulnerable side cos i don't want them to think I'm a pussy

Shouldn't it be a team effort making the family feel secure though? You'd have to be a pretty feeble minded woman to solely rely on your husband for you families security

[user104658]

Originally Posted by Niamh.

Shouldn't it be a team effort making the family feel secure though? You'd have to be a pretty feeble minded woman to solely relay on your husband for you families security

I would have thought having a stoic / entirely unemotional partner would make the rest of the family feel pretty INsecure, if anything? I mean there's an obvious difference between showing open and genuine emotional range, and having a panic / breakdown.

If anything, repressing normal emotion in an effort to always "seem strong" is what's likely to LEAD to the latter.

[Niamh.]

Originally Posted by Toy Soldier

I would have thought having a stoic / entirely unemotional partner would make the rest of the family feel pretty INsecure, if anything? I mean there's an obvious difference between showing open and genuine emotional range, and having a panic / breakdown.

If anything, repressing normal emotion in an effort to always "seem strong" is what's likely to LEAD to the latter.

Yeah absolutely agree. Sharing worries etc makes couples much stronger in my opinion and in my experience, which in turn makes the family more secure

[Northern Monkey]

Originally Posted by Niamh.

Yeah absolutely agree. Sharing worries etc makes couples much stronger in my opinion and in my experience, which in turn makes the family more secure

However i think though that it helps if your partner is worrying about something to be positive and atleast appear to be more relaxed so as not to add to their worries.If you start acting all worried too then it can make them worse.Same infront the kids.They pick up on your emotions.If they see you start panicking then they do too.

[DemolitionRed]

Originally Posted by Toy Soldier

I would have thought having a stoic / entirely unemotional partner would make the rest of the family feel pretty INsecure, if anything? I mean there's an obvious difference between showing open and genuine emotional range, and having a panic / breakdown.

If anything, repressing normal emotion in an effort to always "seem strong" is what's likely to LEAD to the latter.

Totally agree

[Northern Monkey]

Originally Posted by Niamh.

Shouldn't it be a team effort making the family feel secure though? You'd have to be a pretty feeble minded woman to solely rely on your husband for you families security

Yeah obviously.I think it's just how a man thinks though.How we're wired.To feel like we have to protect our family and make sure they're safe.To appear strong so they feel safe.

[Niamh.]

Originally Posted by Northern Monkey

Yeah obviously.I think it's just how a man thinks though.How we're wired.To feel like we have to protect our family and make sure they're safe.To appear strong so they feel safe.

You shouldn't feel like that though, I guarantee you your wife would feel more secure if you confided in her, your worries etc. Everybody worries sometimes

[user104658]

Originally Posted by Northern Monkey

Yeah obviously.I think it's just how a man thinks though.How we're wired.To feel like we have to protect our family and make sure they're safe.To appear strong so they feel safe.

TiL I'm not a man

[Northern Monkey]

Originally Posted by Toy Soldier

TiL I'm not a man

I bet if you hear a noise in your house at night you're the first one out of bed with a weapon in your hand acting like you're not scared.The ancient male primal instinct kicks in.