[Ammi]

Originally Posted by Lewismacfarlane

I just hope shes still my friend

…we don’t keep all of our friendships through life, none of us do …but we don’t tend to lose mutually healthy friendships either…it’s a time to be strong, Lewis…and if she needs and time, to allow for that because that’s the way to be able to see if it indeed is a long term healthy friendship…we have to step back to see these things at times…

[user104658]

Originally Posted by Lewismacfarlane

She was still on her phone at 2 in the morning sometimes

She’s 25… if she wants to get jacked up on 10 espressos and stay in her phone for 2 days straight that’s none of her parent’s business. I’m afraid the only options here are that either she’s lying about it being her parents and she’s just making excuses, OR her parents are quite frankly worryingly controlling to the point of it being borderline abusive .

My advice either way; if you’re always the one who initiates contact, stop messaging her first and see if she messages you at all. If she never messages you again then - and I hate to be blunt here - but she’s only been messaging at all to be polite. If she WANTS to talk to you she’ll send you a message.

I’d also suggest one of two things might be going on here. 1) you have stronger feelings for her than you’re saying and she’s noticed… or at least 2) she for whatever reason THINKS you have stronger feelings for her than you do.

Messaging back and forward every day is a lot for most adult “just friendships” honestly.

[Lewismacfarlane]

I understand that her father is unwell maybe that might have something to do with it

[user104658]

Originally Posted by Ammi

…we don’t keep all of our friendships through life, none of us do …but we don’t tend to lose mutually healthy friendships either…it’s a time to be strong, Lewis…and if she needs and time, to allow for that because that’s the way to be able to see if it indeed is a long term healthy friendship…we have to step back to see these things at times…

I wouldn’t even say we don’t lose mutually healthy friendships. Not “at random” obviously but with things like big life changes/relocations. I kept in touch with several good friends from uni for years after leaving… but it’s a good 5 years since I spoke to any of them. Now I’m sure if I ran into one of them we’d still in fact “be friends” and have loads to talk about, but yeah… over time people drift. We’ve all moved all around the country (and world). That’s just life.

[Ammi]

…I think in the end though, Lewis…whatever things she has to focus on with her family right now…it’s to step back and leave space for her to do that….

[user104658]

Originally Posted by Lewismacfarlane

I understand that her father is unwell maybe that might have something to do with it

Again I’d say you’re over-thinking it, any personal or family reasons aren’t really any of your business if you’re just friends. Are you SURE you just see it as a friendship? Because honestly the way you’re talking about it, and the importance you’re placing on it, makes it sound like that’s not the whole story…

[Amy Jade]

She's 25 and her parents decide who she's friends with and take her phone away? sorry she sounds really immature.

I'm younger than her and my mum would never do either, sounds like she needs to grow up and move out if her parents are that overbearing.

[Lewismacfarlane]

I just sèe this as a friendship shes like a sister to me

[user104658]

Originally Posted by Lewismacfarlane

I just sèe this as a friendship shes like a sister to me

If she sees it the same way she’ll also make the effort to stay in contact. If she doesn’t well then it’s not really what you want it to be and by clinging to it, all you’re doing is stopping yourself finding the relationships that are genuinely what you want.

[user104658]

Originally Posted by Amy Jade

She's 25 and her parents decide who she's friends with and take her phone away? sorry she sounds really immature.

I'm younger than her and my mum would never do either, sounds like she needs to grow up and move out if her parents are that overbearing.

Honestly it’s not something I can even imagine, at 25 I had a one-year-old and lived 4 hours drive from both of my parents .

Also they had little to zero interest in my private life from about the age of 12 . NOT that I’m saying that’s normal either of course.

[Lewismacfarlane]

A friend has asked her if everything is ok between us but hasn't heard anything

[thesheriff443]

Originally Posted by Toy Soldier

Honestly it’s not something I can even imagine, at 25 I had a one-year-old and lived 4 hours drive from both of my parents .

Also they had little to zero interest in my private life from about the age of 12 . NOT that I’m saying that’s normal either of course.

That’s why I’ve asked about her being on the spectrum because experience tells me for parents to be that involved there is two possibilities
One, she has her parents in her life because she needs them
Two they they are control freaks

[Lewismacfarlane]

Originally Posted by thesheriff443

That’s why I’ve asked about her being on the spectrum because experience tells me for parents to be that involved there is two possibilities
One, she has her parents in her life because she needs them
Two they they are control freaks

I never thought of her being on the spectrum she has mentioned before about special needs

[Oliver_W]

At 25 you can have a spouse, a couple of kids, and a nice house with a mortgage. Just because someone still lives at home, doesn't give their parents the right to dictate their friendships, especially when they don't even go and visit them.

[Lewismacfarlane]

I kinda think im in the wrong here

[Ammi]

Originally Posted by Lewismacfarlane

I kinda think im in the wrong here

…awwww, you’re not in the wrong, Lewis……you’re concerned about a friendship that you value and don’t want to lose…but friendships are not always in our control by the very thing that there others and their situations and complications to consider in friendships as well…it’s not a thing of right or wrong with this, I don’t thing….I think it’s more just a friendship that may need to have time and space and patience right now to allow its future to be clearer for both of you…it’s a time that can focus on other friendships as well atm…don’t think right/wrong…think opportunities for friendship developments while this one sits a while and finds its own path…..…

[Amy Jade]

Honestly you're not wrong for trying to keep a friendship going but if she has special needs and her parents aren't okay with the friendship I think it's best to take a step back.

I'd be so over it if I were you, far too complicated for me to feel any investment, I hate friendships that you have to worry about this much.

[Amy Jade]

I just realised I sound like such an ice queen but I'm honestly not, I've just got a great group of friends and we are all really easy going and I can't be arsed with friendships you have to fight for

[Lewismacfarlane]

The other day we even spoke about meeting up soon after lockdown

[user104658]

Originally Posted by Lewismacfarlane

I kinda think im in the wrong here

It's not about being in the wrong really but friendships are two-sided and you can't create more of a friendship than the other person wants .

Originally Posted by Lewismacfarlane

The other day we even spoke about meeting up soon after lockdown

Hmmm... do you mean meet up again, or have you actually never met this girl in person?

[Lewismacfarlane]

Originally Posted by Toy Soldier

It's not about being in the wrong really but friendships are two-sided and you can't create more of a friendship than the other person wants .



Hmmm... do you mean meet up again, or have you actually never met this girl in person?

Yeah i mean meet up again and have a catch up

[user104658]

Originally Posted by Lewismacfarlane

Yeah i mean meet up again and have a catch up

Ahh good I was about to declare catfish .

So you had talked about meeting up after lockdown, and then soon after she started talking about "not being allowed" to talk to you so much?

[Lewismacfarlane]

Originally Posted by Toy Soldier

Ahh good I was about to declare catfish .

So you had talked about meeting up after lockdown, and then soon after she started talking about "not being allowed" to talk to you so much?

We spoke about meeting up after lockdown but since then havent heard from her

[thesheriff443]

Originally Posted by Lewismacfarlane

I never thought of her being on the spectrum she has mentioned before about special needs

Then that answers a lot of questions about her and her parents

If she has special needs then her and her parents are going to have a very close relationship

That most people wouldn’t understand.

[Lewismacfarlane]

Originally Posted by thesheriff443

Then that answers a lot of questions about her and her parents

If she has special needs then her and her parents are going to have a very close relationship

That most people wouldn’t understand.

I don't disagree with that but why make a judgement of not liking a child's friend before meeting them