[Iceman]

Just to clarify I want you guys to actually vote to Evict people please.

[Josy]

How many?

[Iceman]

Just 1.

[Iceman]

Tiredness kicking in trying to cut corners... but no Shaun and Josy have to be on the ball. go **** a goat.

[Niall]

-repeats everything Smithy says-

[Iceman]

[Ninastar]

lmfao

absolutely amazing

[Maia]

Brilliant

*goes to vote*

[Josy]

voted!

[Fetch The Bolt Cutters]

omg i just read this through from the start

amazing

[Fetch The Bolt Cutters]

are the nominated hms allowed to vote

[GypsyGoth]

[Iceman]

yeah anyone can vote.

[Iceman]

Day 1

Housemate Number 1

Spoiler:

Our first housemate is 16 year old Patrick from Belfast. He describes himself as a man’s man who’s in touch with his feminine side! He says he’s an Uber Fan and anyone who doubts him can go suck on someone’s boll***s for 3 months. He makes his way out to meet this years host Nathan whilst Britney Spears – Piece Of Me plays in the background. After completely ignoring the host he says 'you’re sh*t at hosting this, I mean c’mon no wonder this show is dying, ****** sake, do you know how long I've waited to get on here and then to find out you're hosting, it's a ****ing joke'. A bewildered Nathan ushers Patrick into the house whilst the crowd cheer loudly. The Door shuts and Patrick makes a beeline for the alcohol. We go back to Nathan outside who lets us know that tonight Patrick must Nominate 4 of his fellow housemates for the public vote this Friday

Housemate Number 2

Spoiler:

Joining Patrick is our first female of the night 36 year old Niamh from Cork. A self-confessed cougar Niamh knows how to have a good time claiming she once had a threesome with Eamonn Holmes and Mary Byrne. Niamh wants to go in the house for some cheap thrills and to hopefully find a toyboy. She’s packed handcuffs and a feather duster. She makes her way out to Nathan to Rihanna’s S&M. The crowd are mixed. Nathan asks Niamh if we’ll see some naked jacuziness and she nods enthusiastically before turning around and flashing her boobs to the photographers. Niamh pats her bottom as she stands at the top of the stairs. As the doors close we go to Live feed from the house. 'Oh for ****** sake first girl in and she’s old, like prehistoric old' mutters Patrick to his microphone. Niamh quickly embraces Patrick as she picks up a bottle of wine. 'Mine' she shouts as we go back to Nathan who asks what the 'Mine' was about? Patrick or the wine?

Housemate Number 3

Spoiler:

21 year old Scott from O_o eh let’s say Liverpool is our next housemate. He claims to be a loner by choice. Asked what his best quality is he replies by saying 'The sassy Black woman inside me waiting to come out'. He goes no holds barred in arguments and boasts of cutting people if they really agitate him. Scott makes his way out to M.I.A.’s – Paper Planes. He’s dressed in a burka which the crowd love. Nathan tries to ask Scott a question but he refuses to co-operate and crawls up the stairs on all fours. The crowd are loving it. Nathan can be heard whispering 'what a bellend' as Scott finally enters the house. Scott introduces himself as Swanqu Een as Niamh and Patrick wonder what to do next. Patrick asks if it’s a man or a woman and waits for a reply. Scott ignores him and just stands there. 'I think it’s broke Big Brother' Patrick shouts. Just as he does Scott Rips off the burka to reveal a Camel outfit. Niamh quips 'I don’t want you to get the hump but you’ve got camel toe!!' We head back to Nathan who’s holding up an AVFC poster 'back in 4' as we go to our first commercial.

Housemate Number 4

Spoiler:

22 year old Shaun from Torquay. Shaun is no stranger to reality TV having competed in BBC’s How Do You Solve A Problem Like Maria? He finished 6th and went on to star in a few west end shows in minor roles. Also no stranger to Controversy (hehe) he once damaged a tooth whilst pole dancing for an amateur porn site which he used to frequent. Shaun comes out to The Killer’s - Somebody Told Me, the crowd go wild and Shaun plays them like a guitar. He grabs hold of Nathan and says that ‘there’s nobody fiercer than him and he can’t wait to stir the **** out of the house’. Shaun laps up the crowd one more time before heading into the House. Inside we see Shaun completely ignore his fellow housemates, he grabs a drink and sits down staring at his nails. Niamh approaches him but quickly backs off as Shaun says ‘****** off I’m thinking’. The housemates look confused before Shaun bursts into laughter. ‘I’m Shaun but you can all call me Sir’ he says with a serious tone to his voice. Nathan is outside on his Iphone tweeting about the show. @nateBB: Boring lot so far, full of bellends, need a good bird.

Housemate Number 5

Spoiler:

Novo, 21 from Chester. Describes himself as a jack the lad. Had a promising career as a footballer for rangers until a ballet recital went horribly wrong. Says he likes to wind people up and always looks for a reaction. Wouldn’t mind a romance in the house but uses that cliché ‘I’m not looking for love’. He comes out to Tupac’s Dear Mama. The crowd are quite hostile and he shouts for them to ‘shut up and obey your master’. He shakes Nathan’s hand and quickly enters the house. ‘Can someone get me a chair’ quips Nathan. Novo struts down the stairs and introduces himself as a BH Warrior which leaves the other housemates a little confused. He looks around and smiles saying they’re all in for 3 months of hell. We go back to Nathan who’s brandishing this week’s OK magazine, ‘for god sakes, go to the break’ sighs Nathan.

Housemate Number 6

Spoiler:

Ninastar, 18 from O_o London? Currently lives alone with her 34 pet cats and 12 foxes. Tried to smuggle a cat into the BB House and when questioned what it was she attempted to say it was a vibrator that purrs. Says her best quality is that she’s trustworthy but not with secrets. Once auditioned for The Glee Factor but when producers asked what she was going to sing she fled the auditions in tears. Ninastar walks out to huge cheers from the crowd and is shocked, Nathan has to walk down the ramp to get her into the house. He asks her a few questions but she’s too startled to reply. She makes her way into the house and collapses as she reaches the bottom of the stairs. ‘Not one of these’, says Shaun. All the other Housemates huddle round to try and help except for Novo who’s in hysterics laughing. We go back to Nathan who's giving his number to a glamour model in the crowd, when he notices the camera he shoo's it away and we go to a commercial.

Housemate Number 7

Spoiler:

19 year old Mollie from a coastal town in England. Was a standby Housemate for last year’s series. Aspires to one day record a duet with Pixie Lott. Entered 2010’s The X Factor with her band the Lottettes but wasn’t taken through to the finals by Louis Walsh. She once pinched prince Harry’s bottom on a night out in Benidorm although her best mate says it was actually Charles.. Mollie comes out to a good reaction from the crowd, she poses for the photographers for a bit too long and the crowd begin to turn, she apologises and goes to talk to Nathan. ‘Who do you not want to see in the house Mollie?’ He asks. ‘ugh Cougars, I mean stick with your own generation'. With that Mollie runs up the stairs and into the house. Novo and Patrick are first to greet her both with a glass of champagne, she thanks them but asks for water, they both run to the sink as we get an evil look from Niamh. Back to Nathan who promises us ‘a sock or two after the break, no, wait a shock I cant see the teleprompter’

Housemate Number 8

Spoiler:

18 year old MM&I from London. MM&I has just returned from living abroad for a few months, describes himself as fun in a box and argumentative. MM&I was born as a woman but had a sex change a year ago. Speaking on the subject he says 'I just woke up one day and wanted to be a man so yeah that's what I decided anyone who judges me for it is Biasty'. MM&I comes out to Leona lewis - Bleeding Love and is met by a mixed reaction, 'you're all Biasty' he snaps. Nathan reassures him and points him towards the infamous house. He enters the house and immediately thinks he's done the wrong thing. 'I shouldn't be here, Leona has a song out next month, I need to go'. Scott approaches with a drink and tells him to sit in the kitchen with him. We go back to Nathan who's told us that #TiBB2012 is trending at number 1 in Azerbaijan 'Yay' he says sarcastically.

Housemate Number 9

Spoiler:

22 year old InOne from Manchester. Describes himself as a bit of a laugh, wants to go in for the experience and to pull. Loves Irish Cougars and dislikes hangovers. InOne comes out to Oasis - Wonderwall. Huge cheers from the crowd. he doesn't make much of the photographers and issues them a 2 fingered salute. Nathan asks him 'what's the stupidest thing he's ever done?' He replies 'I stalked Noel Gallagher for 2 weeks straight only to realise it was Liam. He jumps up the stairs and into the house. He's greeted firstly by Niamh who gives him a kiss on the cheek. 'Mother******ers' shouts Shaun. We go back to Nathan who informs us all not to watch the show at the weekend because the Euro's are on.

Housemate Number 10

Spoiler:

Stu a 21 year old student from Cork. he describes himself as 'the best shag you'll never have'. Stu has had his fair share of run ins with the law, he once stole a penguin from a zoo which led him to fleeing to Amsterdam for several months. he comes out to Depeche Mode - Enjoy The Silence. He's wearing a multicoloured Poncho and ski goggles. Nathan quickly asks him what he wants most to happen in the house, he replies 'To start of as a heel and do a huge face turn and win'. With that he struts in and proclaims to his new housemates that 'The messiah has come again........all over Katie Price'. They gasp as Shaun announces 'finally someone with a brain cell. We return to Nathan who informs us that due to some mass underestimation on how long it takes to do one of these things only 14 housemates will be entering tonight, followed by 3 more tomorrow.

Housemate Number 11

Spoiler:

Gypsygoth a *cough* year old from *cough*. When asked what her worst attribute was she replied with 'I'm sucha***** all the time, I swear everyone always drives me mad and I just want to cut them'. She comes out to Florence and The Machine - Dog Days Are Over the crowd are really split on her. Nathan tells her she looks beautiful to which she replies 'obviously'. With that she walks into the house without any hesitation. Shaun is the first to greet Gypsygoth, he hands her a glass of champagne which she thanks him for and as he goes to walk away she throws it all over him. 'I don't drink you moron' she shouts. The whole house seems to be afraid at whats about to kick off but Shaun just replies with 'Fabulous' and walks her to the seating area. Nathan lets us know that this is now the longest Launch Night ever at a staggering 32 hours. 'Hopefully they open the toilets soon' he quips as we go to a break.

Housemate Number 12

Spoiler:

Smithy a 19 year old from London (if i dont know where you come from you're from London). Cant stand 'Stans' as he calls them, 'Why would you constantly go round worshipping everything everyone does? Go get a life fgs'. Smithy comes out dressed as a Unicorn to Lady Gaga's - Born This Way. He approaches Nathan and immediately apologises 'Sorry I've got the horn'. Nathan asks what he'll miss most and he replies 'My Parrot, Niall'. He goes in and immediately marks his territory by pissing on a plastic plant pot. the camera pans to Scott who can be seen smiling and then mouthing the words 'Next Victim'. Nathan tells us there's only 2 more to come after this 15 minute ad break.

Housemate Number 13

Spoiler:

Joe 17, from London . describes himself as a wannabe male glamour Model. Studies Theatrics and recently got engaged to his girlfriend. Joe comes out to (everyone lol) Bruno Mars - Marry You, to a very hostile crowd, probably because they've been there for 2 days now. He tells Nathan that his Fiancé doesn't know he's on the show and thinks that he's on his stag. He enters the house and takes the last glass of champagne left upsetting Patrick, who vows to 'be his arch enemy whilst there in the house'. We go back to Nathan who tells us he wont be here for the eviction because the Euro's are on, but he'll find a suitable replacement. Final housemate coming up.

Housemate Number 14

Spoiler:

Locke a 22 year old student from Liverpool. An avid Manchester United fan, Locke is a proud season ticket holder. He once believed he could fly and touch the sky (R. Kelly and Kanye ha im so good). He walks out to Kanye West - Power to a huge applause from the crowd. He greets Nathan as the crowd get louder, presumably because they can now go home. He enters the house and the door closes behind the final contestant of the night. He is greeted by Novo at the bottom of the stairs who tells him 'there is business to be taken care of'. The other Housemates all sit at the sofa's at Big Brother's request......

Launch Night Nominations

Spoiler:

'Patrick upon entering the house you would have been told to nominate 2 of your fellow Housemates to face the Public Vote, because you ignored Nathan you must now Nominate 4 housemates to face the Public Vote, would you please give the name of your first Nomination and your reason for this Nomination.

All housemates except for Novo and Locke tell him to get on with it. Patrick looks around the room and begins, 'My first Nomination will be Joe. He came and took the last glass of champagne, I mean c'mon a well fit girl could have been the last housemate in and then what would we have done?'. 'Thanks a lot, dickh*ad' snaps Joe.

'My second Nomination is Niamh, she's too old to be in here, I reckon she'll have us in bed by 10 and cleaning daily, and I can't be ******ed with that.', Niamh grasp InOne's hand whilst glaring at what Patrick has just done.

'My third Nomination is MM&I just because I dont get the whole boy/girl thing, like is he or she a hermaphrodite? I can just see myself having to try make an effort to try get to know her and I dont really care.', MM&I misheard Patrick and thinks he voted for Mollie so he doesn't respond.

'My final Nomination is for Scott. I dont know what it is, it came as like a terrorist or something and then a camel, so yeah, it's taking to much of my limelight so I want it gone ASAP.', Scott playfully gestures stabbing Patrick with a spoon as the camera pans into his other hand clutching a butchers knife.


Joe, Niamh, MM&I and Scott all face eviction from the TiBB House, Who Goes? YOU DECIDE.

To evict a housemate please PM the name of the housemate you want to evict to me. Votes close tomorrow at 5PM. Votes Cast after that time will not be counted but may cost you an infraction. Only Nominate 1 Housemate.

We go back to Nathan who's sitting alone on the walkway with a guitar playing 'Love Dont Live Here Anymore', He plays us out as the credits roll.

[King Gizzard]

So I'm only relevant on eviction nights

well thank you very much Eoin

[Ramsay]

at least you're relevent nathan

[Iceman]

Originally Posted by Nathan

So I'm only relevant on eviction nights

well thank you very much Eoin

There's only so much you can do with a Villa fan....

[Joe.]

Wow I'm a housemate- bit skeptical on parts of my bit though - 'male glamour model'?

Patrick nominated me- suprising -,-

[Kate!]

Genius, sending my vote now.

[Iceman]

Originally Posted by Joe.

Wow I'm a housemate- bit skeptical on parts of my bit though - 'male glamour model'?

Patrick nominated me- suprising -,-

Niamh isnt a cougar, shaun didnt audition for a loyyd webber musical, Mollie didnt enter the XF. The only one I didnt change was Patrick because I didnt think I needed to

[Shaun]

Originally Posted by Iceman

shaun didnt audition for a loyyd webber musical

I know, he gave me the part straight away

[Ramsay]

get cougar out!

[Locke.]

Originally Posted by Iceman

Locke a 22 year old student from Liverpool. An avid Manchester United fan

Bring Dowling back

[Shaun]

evicted her to piss off Jarvio tbh

[Iceman]

Day 1 - Post Nominations

Spoiler:

'Well I don't care i'm not up for eviction and that's all that matters' says a smug MM&I. 'Eh yeah you are' says Patrick. We see MM&I rush off to the toilets in tears after finally realising he's up for eviction. 'Nobody ever accepts me for who I am, I think i'm just gonna walk' cries MM&I to himself in the toilets. Patrick has decided that he's not apologising to anyone for his nominations and says they'd all have to do the same were it them. Niamh and InOne have formed an eviction pact, if one leaves the other will walk an hour later. Joe has just realised that if he doesn't leave after 4 weeks he'll miss his wedding to his Fiancé, he grins slightly.

4 hours later....

All the housemates except for GypsyGoth have been drinking for the past 4 hours. Novo and Locke have fallen asleep on the decking. Scott has cuddled up next to a plant pot that stinks of urine. Shaun and Stu have fallen asleep in the Sex den. The rest of the housemates have made it to the bedroom where they're all asleep, Gypsygoth enters and tries to manoeuvre her way round the vomit and bodies on the floor. She makes one final jump and reaches her bed, 'Silly Buggers', she whispers as the credits roll.