[Matthew.]

Ben has been even more hilarious than usual since he’s been saved from eviction

“I have to say, I’m sorry, but they’re fucking bad losers! They couldn’t even have the GOOD GRACE to say congratulations or anything like that. No, it’s true! I’m not being horrible but I was really good! I went one-by-one to everyone and said I was sorry about Govan, and none of them... they’re pissed off as it’s possible to be that I’m still here! It’s the funniest thing in the world! Even Sunshine’s upset that we’re still here! Have you realised how Sunshine has fully integrated with the “cool” group, she’s going to take his place, she’s going to start smoking and farting soon! Bastards! Absolute. Bloody. BASTARDS.”


“We meet again, Big Brother, much to my surprise! I thought it was definitely curtains for me today, I thought when Davina called out the two people that were safe and then there was a little gap, with me and Govan, I just thought that’s it, but I think, as Elaine Stritch sang a song, I’m Still Here, and seemingly I am. I’m not deluded - I’m not saying this means the public loves me or anything but it means they’ve given me another chance, and ultimately it’s their show, and not ours, and that’s something that I find... enormously humbling and I’m very proud that I’m still here. Literally, almost nobody apart from my close group of friends, ie Mario... and Dave... :/ and Steve... :/ up to a point, John... :/ none of them could bring themselves to congratulate me, or there wasn’t even an ATTEMPT at looking pleased for me, just that heavens opened, and the tears were just streaming down people’s faces, I mean talk about amateur dramatics gone wrong, I’ve never seen anything like it in my life! You know, floods of tears, certain people had near nervous breakdowns, Shabby is majorly pissed off and people are not in good moods tonight, I feel rather like Margaret Thatcher did at the time of the poll tax. I’ve got a few people in the outside world that like me, but I’m loathed by the people in here, so it’s been a night of mixed blessings, I think. So to quote Dame Shirley - there were times I felt like running away, but that’s too easy, so now I’m here to stay, you aint heard nothing yet. ”