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Old 11-09-2019, 10:58 PM   #51
parmnion
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Just made my mate b@@e night. ....he's single and oh my God does he mingle....his 2nd name is seamen.56
and punching..


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Old 12-09-2019, 01:05 AM   #52
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The word nun is just the letter n doing a forward roll.
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Old 14-09-2019, 11:18 AM   #53
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) Beer Can

If you say 'beer can' in an English accent, it sounds like 'bacon' in a Jamaican accent.



2) Jam Ear Can Beer Can

Taking it one step further, if you say 'jam ear can beer can' in an English accent, it sounds like 'Jamaican bacon' in a Jamaican accent.



3) Space Ghetto

If you say 'space ghetto' in an American accent, it sounds like 'Spice Girl' in a Scottish accent.




'Boots Cat' sounds like beat-boxing.
4) Boots Cat

If you say 'boots cat' quickly over and over again it sounds like you're beat-boxing.



5) In Detroit

If you say 'in Detroit' in an American accent, it will sound like you're saying, 'Isn't that right?' in an Irish accent.




An Australian coffee for later.
6) Lighter

If you're in a cafe in Australia and you'd like more milk or cream in your coffee, don't say, "I'd like my coffee lighter," because they might take it away and bring it back 'later'.



7) Later

Conversely, if you're Australian, and you're not quite ready for your coffee yet, don't tell an American waiter or waitress, "I'll have my coffee later." If you do, don't be surprised if they add cream or milk to your coffee.



8) Emma Chizit

This next one is admittedly quite an unlikely scenario, but if anyone called 'Emma Chizit' happens to be reading this, be careful when speaking to a South African. If you tell them your name they may think you're asking the price. Specifically, it may sound like you're asking, "How much is it?"




"Good eye!"
9) Good Eye

If you're a pirate who wears an eye patch, take care when discussing your bad eye and your 'good eye' with an Australian, as it may sound like you are using the Australian greeting for hello, "G'day!"



10) Soviet Union

Finally, my Geordie mate has just got a job in Russia campaigning for the rights of napkin makers. It's in the serviette union.
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Old 26-09-2019, 10:00 PM   #54
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Can't believe the underdogs had a good result in the EFL third round last night.

Well done Manchester United on beating Rochdale, just.
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Old 13-10-2019, 09:03 PM   #55
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Why are melons so lonely?

Because they cantaloupe.
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Old 14-10-2019, 01:53 PM   #56
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Once upon a time there were three bears. Now there's ****ing thousands of 'em.
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Old 22-10-2019, 09:24 PM   #57
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My girlfriend was shouting “Give it to me now! I’m so ****ing wet!”

I simply told her “This umbrella is mine. Go get your own.”
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Old 22-10-2019, 09:35 PM   #58
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What is a foot long and slippery?

A slipper.
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Old 27-10-2019, 12:56 AM   #59
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I ordered a thesaurus from Amazon but when it was delivered all the pages were blank.

I have no words to describe how angry I am.
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Old 31-10-2019, 08:37 PM   #60
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What do skeletons say before they begin dining?

Bone appetit.
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Old 31-10-2019, 08:40 PM   #61
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What do skeletons say before they begin dining?

Bone appetit.

Rib anyone?
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Old 17-12-2019, 03:40 PM   #62
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A lorry loaded with Brussels sprouts has overturned in Fife.

The driver said he had trouble controlling the vehicle due to bad wind.
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Old 19-01-2020, 04:23 PM   #63
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I was sat on the end of my bed last night pulling of me Boxers

and the TL said

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"you spoil these dogs"
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Old 19-01-2020, 04:29 PM   #64
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HA HA WIFE BAD

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