[Crimson Dynamo]

Eurovision Song Contest 2024, first semi-final, review: Croatia steals show
while the UK already looks doomed



Milking cows, exploding trousers, screeching witches, a rap about Mother Teresa
and a half-naked man with a mullet hatching out of a giant denim egg. It could
only be the annual audio-visual fever dream that is Eurovision. The 68th
edition of the world’s biggest and most bonkers music competition got under
way with Eurovision Song Contest Semi-Final 1 (BBC One).

We were frequently warned about flashing images and strobe effects. We
weren’t warned about the show being stolen by something called Baby
Lasagna.

Croatia’s memorably named entrant delivered a rock-techno racket about
economic migration - that well-known topic for pop lyrics. It was endearingly
eccentric, infernally catchy and will take some beating on Saturday.

The British contingent might as well pack up and head home early. UK
entrant Olly Alexander has been branded “complicit in genocide” for his
participation, which seems extreme. The Years & Years frontman and It’s A
Sin star promised to tackle Eurovision in “the gayest way possible” but
despite crooning from inside a sort of zero-gravity space toilet, he failed to
stand out.

Formulaic synth-pop affair “Dizzy” feels like a Pet Shop Boys B-side.
Alexander is unlikely to make up for Mae Muller’s chastening flop last year.
He’d concentrated on gimmicky staging and forgotten to write an actual tune.

Bambie Thug rightly broke the Irish curse to become its first qualifier for six
years with a theatrically demonic slice of “ouija-pop”. Johnny Logan would be
turning in his grave if he was actually dead. Indeed, the two-time winner
proved he was alive and well by popping up to perform a heartfelt Loreen
tribute.



Keeping Graham Norton’s seat warm for Saturday, Scott Mills and Rylan
added arch commentary for UK viewers. Rylan was more amusing but both
were so keen to keep talking, it often felt like being harangued in stereo.
Nice-but-bland Mills should be jettisoned next year.

Of the 15 semi-finalists competing, the top 10 went forward to this weekend’s
showpiece grand final. Luxembourg returned after a 30-year absence and
narrowly snuck through. We waved a relieved farewell to Poland’s Lady Gaga-
lite, Moldova’s yodel-fest, the Icelandic Jane McDonald, Azerbaijan’s howl-
athon and, in the biggest shock result, Australia’s feeble Grace Jones
facsimile. It was difficult to make a case for any of them deserving to stay
but it all seemed like a lot of trouble just to eliminate five songs.

https://www.telegraph.co.uk/tv/0/eur...-final-review/