[Urban Cragou]

Originally Posted by MTVN

Yes we're all part Cain, part Abel

No-one’s 100%-innocent in life all the time, that’s for-sure. Doesn’t inherently make anyone a raging hypocrite (people are naturally full of at-least a few contradictions; that’s life), but it doesn’t make anyone one person blameless, either, and that applies to a lot of the friction we have with others. Often-times it really, really, really is the case that it’s 100% the other person’s fault (especially when the other person’s really not a good one) but sometimes it’s both parties baiting, digging, gaslighting, goading, insulting, disrespecting or whatever on various levels and to varying extents, explicitly or implicitly. Watching those interactions play out with two sworn enemies in-particular does add to the perspective of people really being able to bring out the ugly in each-other under certain circumstances. Some people really will bring out the worst in you, and with enough self-awareness (without being too self-absorbed, of-course), you’re naturally not going to want to remain in that person’s shadow. You want people who can bounce the positivity you need off-of and back to you, and in that way someone can swing between extremely charitable, hospitable and trustworthy with the people they actually like and have care invested in and … not-so-good to people who bring out those ugly shadows, to whatever extent, in them. That’s why I always find it funny when strangers talk with authority about you and try and get in front of your life-narrative, thinking they know you when they actually don’t. I know we share a broad range of stuff online but on forums like this we’re still anonymous. There’s still a trillion things about each-and-every single one of us that can’t possibly be known without having a personal relationship with you in a way that either gives away or bypasses your identity.

Even people who are generally disliked by most people, for various reasons, often do have intimate relations where people value their company and investment in the relationship. Different people see (or imagine) different sides to you, and that can help quell whatever negativity that’s beyond what you desperately need to account for comes your way. They might have your vibe completely wrong or they might just be interacting with a shadow-part of you that’s very far-removed from how you come across to people in your circle or even in broader interaction. You just don’t know half the time unless you actually know the person quite well in a more personal light. We all have different sides to us and different personas that we wear depending on the company. You’re probably never 100%-yourself, for better or worse, to any one person, unless they know you in an intimate way. And most of the time, you just can’t know them like that, even if you’re very sure that your perceptions of them, as far as they go, are accurate and you’re not afraid to tell them to their face. That’s neither here nor there when you don’t know the person in any meaningful way. It’s unlikely that anyone besides yourself knows everything about you at any-one time. Again, most of us aren’t heinous psychopaths or otherwise deeply-wicked people (thank God for that), but even angels (not just Biblically-fallen ones) have darker sides to them, consciously or not. Hopefully not too dark but y’know. Not entirely, 100% unblemished.

In terms of general morality, we are what we are, I suppose. Some people are bound by principle, others have a more directly humane warmth for mankind, but even then, there probably still does exist a darker shadow. So the Cain-and-Abel analogy is very apt.