[Mrluvaluva]

Jade, I'm sorry I've been such a fool. But all I want now is to be back in the boys' lives


Jack Tweed today begs for forgiveness, speaks of his deep shame at letting down late wife Jade - and reveals he is battling to be part of her sons' lives once more.

A jury took just 15 minutes this week to clear him of rape after hearing he had a threesome with a teenager and one of his pals.

Now Jack vows to change his hard-partying ways and stand by the promise he made to Jade Goody on her deathbed - to play his part in bringing up her boys, who are being raised by their father Jeff Brazier.

Speaking for the first time since the not-guilty verdict, widower Jack, 22, tells the Sunday Mirror: "My only goal is to see the boys again. It kills me that I can't see them.

"Jeff stopped me from seeing them and it was absolutely the right thing. I was in a mess. My head was all over the place and I was drinking every night and partying till 6am every day.

"I know I've messed up and I'm sorry. I'm the first to admit I'm immature but I'll prove I can be there for Bobby and Freddy.

"Jade always wanted me in the boys' lives and I'm not going to walk away from them - I love them to bits."

In a heartfelt letter penned in his prison cell, Jack has asked Jeff - father of Jade's sons Bobby, six, and Freddy, five - to lift the ban imposed on him seeing them.

And he says he is ashamed of his endless partying and the string of one-night-stands he had just weeks after burying his reality TV star wife.

Jack left court on Monday following the two-week trial, cleared of rape but with his reputation tarnished by the case's lurid revelations.

He admits he had a threesome with his friend Anthony Davis and a 19-year-old woman they met at a club last September - less than six months after Jade died of cervical cancer - but insists the woman consented to sex.

And looking down at his thick silver wedding ring he reveals: "When the jury went out to decide on a verdict I went to the toilet and prayed to Jade. I said, 'Look, you know I didn't do it but I'm so sorry. I've been an idiot and I let you down'.

"When I went back into court there were two officers sat either side of me and the jury came back in. The police officers locked the door in the dock and one was fiddling with the handcuffs.

I just thought, 'I'm gone. I'm going down'.

"Then when they said I was innocent I had tears in my eyes. I walked away from court feeling 20 stone lighter. It was the end of the nightmare.
"The first thing I did was go to Jade's grave with a bunch of flowers. I prayed to her in the court so it felt right that I had to go and say thanks."

He says the devastating rape allegation nearly destroyed him.

At his lowest point he nearly killed himself because he felt he could not go on. But he now realises the case was the wake-up call he needed to sort his life out.

Jack married Big Brother star Jade, 27, on February 22, 2009. She died exactly a month later on Mother's Day. He insisted on not being named in her will and gave his half of the lucrative magazine deal for their wedding to Jade's boys.

But weeks after her funeral Jack moved into his rented house in Repton Park, East London, with a friend and was soon hitting the bars every night.

Since his high-profile relationship with Jade and his own appearance on Celebrity Big Brother, he attracts a great deal of attention - and as he walks through a hotel lobby for our interview, all eyes are on the good-looking man who stands at 6ft 2ins. But while he is polite and well turned out, Jack also appears nervous and - despite his fame - unsure of himself.

Although cleared of rape, his behaviour has disgusted many of Jade's fans, shocked by his allnight drunken binges and random nights of sex with women whose names he can barely remember, plus two previous convictions for violent crime.

No wonder Jeff Brazier has such doubts about entrusting precious Bobby and Freddy to Jack's care. But Jack wants it known he totally respects Jeff's view - and is keen to make amends.

Jack says: "If Jade was here she would have punched me in the face but then if Jade had been here it wouldn't have happened. I was out every single night. I was going to bars and clubs and downing vodka and Red Bull.

"If I stayed at home I would just think about Jade and it did my head in so I just said, '******* it' and went out to get drunk. Going out was my way of blocking it out. I'm not saying I used drink as a way of coping with the grief - that sounds like I'm making excuses - but I just wanted oblivion.

"There were drunken mistakes with girls - waking up the next day and thinking, 'who's that? What have I done now?'. Afterwards I felt dirty and massively guilty. I just wanted to turn my phone off and sink back into the bed every single morning.

"I kept saying, 'next week I'll go the gym. I'll get healthy and stop drinking'. But at the start of every week I'd always say, 'OK, next week I'll get healthy' - but it never happened."

The day before the rape allegation his mother Mary warned him about his wild ways.

Her son had already served two prison sentences, for attacking a 16-year-old boy with a golf club in December 2006 and a drunken attack on a taxi driver in May 2008.Mary, 53, says: "That very day I was saying, 'You can't go on like this'.

"You can't blame a young man for wanting to have a good time but he was taking it to extremes.

I wanted to protect Jack from himself. Some of the things he's done it's not nice for a mother to hear but he would never commit rape."

The woman who accused Jack of rape had met him at the Embassy nightclub in London's Mayfair. She told police that Jack and his friend Anthony, 26, had raped her when she went back to Jack's house. Jack said: "I'm not proud of what I did that night but I'm not a rapist. I would never ever force myself on a woman."

As his arrest broke the terms of his release on licence for attacking a taxi driver, Jack was ordered back behind bars for six months.

"Those first three months were the worst," he says. "I was in what they call The Dungeon in Pentonville prison with cockroaches in my cell. I thought, 'whatever I say no one is going to believe me so I may as well end it all'.

"I was on suicide watch with a prison warden walking round to check on me every 20 minutes. I had pictures of Jade all over the wall and it was only seeing her face and pictures of the boys that kept me going."

Mary says that when she went to visit her son he was dirty and sat crying and shaking. "He said he wanted to kill himself and I believe if someone had put a gun next to him he would have ended it all," she says. "It's devastating to hear your son so low. This trial nearly tore our family apart.

The doctor has had to prescribe me Valium and antianxiety pills.

"Jack's grandparents were devastated by the allegations. He is not an angel but I know my son would never hurt a woman."

During the two-week trial Jack and Anthony repeatedly insisted the woman had consented to sex. The court heard the student, who had been drinking wine and vodka lemonade and admitted taking a "dab" of cocaine, said she went into "complete lockdown" and was "frozen with fear".

They heard that allegedly it was only after she was called a "little slut" for having sex with both men did she say that it had been nonconsensual.

The jury was shown photos posted on Facebook of the girl clubbing and drinking in the months after the attack - despite telling police her "life was destroyed" and she felt unable to leave the house. Jack and Anthony were cleared of all charges at Snaresbrook Crown Court. Jack punched the air in triumph, causing outrage. "I got a lot of stick for that but I wasn't thinking," he says. And on Wednesday, while he was at a club to toast his freedom, a fight broke out - adding to a perception that trouble follows him around. He says: "I didn't even see the fight, it was nothing to do with me."

Jack, dating Big Brother star Chanelle Hayes, is thrilled to be free and is particularly grateful to lawyer Phil Smith of Tuckers Solicitors for representing him in the case.

Desperate to be reunited with Freddy and Bobby, he says he wants to get his life back on track and is taking advice from Jade's bridesmaid and best friend Jennifer Smith, 29. "I'm not going to live like a monk but I want to do the right thing," he said. "Jen shouts at me every time I step out of line. But she's talking to Jeff to see if she can help smooth the way to help me see Bobby and Freddy again.

"I want to play a role in their lives. I want to be someone they feel they can turn to.

"I want to make Jade proud of me."


Mirror

[Beastie]

Jack should make Jade proud and have a LIVE DEATH on TV! Then he will be reunited with his wife <3

[Mrluvaluva]

He has used this excuse before. He's repeating the same thing over. There is nothing heartfelt in it. He just wants to try and gain public sympathy.

[Beastie]

Originally Posted by Mrluvaluva

He has used this excuse before. He's repeating the same thing over. There is nothing heartfelt in it. He just wants to try and gain public sympathy.

Your right lol

[Angus]

Originally Posted by Mrluvaluva

He has used this excuse before. He's repeating the same thing over. There is nothing heartfelt in it. He just wants to try and gain public sympathy.

He was only ever with Jade for the secondhand celebrity it afforded him. I don't for one moment think he truly loved her, and had she lived, I reckon we would have been reading about his infidelities and probably impending divorce!

[Mrluvaluva]

Originally Posted by angus58

He was only ever with Jade for the secondhand celebrity it afforded him. I don't for one moment think he truly loved her, and had she lived, I reckon we would have been reading about his infidelities and probably impending divorce!

Totally agree. He acted exactly the same whilst he was with her. He has not gone off the rails since her death, he was never any different in my mind.

[InOne]

Sociopath.

[Patrick]

PMSL

When I read the title, I thought it ment..

Jade: Im sorry I was such a fool, all I want now is to be in the boys lives.


I was like 'What the fuck, how is she speaking?'

rofl.