[Mac Hiavellian]

Snowflake the albino gorilla threw its sh!t at me.
A monkey tried to piss on me.
A goose bit my fingers.
I almost died choking on a single Coco Pop. In fact I've probably had a near death experience with every food imaginable, A Muller yogurt just last week.
I've fallen over on ice, in paddling pools, ponds, down stairs.
Cricket ball to the testicles.
Football to the face.
Basketball broke my thumb the week before work experience.
I was at Giraffe and got too distracted watching Felicity Kendall on the table opposite so ended up eating my napkin.
I poured lots of sugar on my bacon butty thinking it was salt.
Vommed all over my mates in a cab.
When I worked at a shop I had to ask people if they wanted any 'Stocking fillers' but instead askled some woman if she wanted 'Focking stillers'.
Lots more...