[Livia]

A thief robbed West Ham's trophy room. He got away with some claret and blue carpet and a glass case.

Last time West Ham won any silverware Dick Turpin robbed the coach on the way home.

I rang West Ham and asked "what time's the kick-off?" They asked, "What time can you get here?"

What's the difference between Rob Green and a minicab? A minicab will usually only let four in.

I saw two of the West Ham squad playing football with a hedgehog. I told them to stop, as it was cruel. They said don't worry, the hedgehog's winning.