[Kate!]

Desperate Scousewives

The fake-reality soap is turning out to be TV’s answer to Boots the Chemist. Sooner or later, there’s going to be one on every high street.

This time it’s Liverpool’s turn to get in on the act, because after The Only Way Is Essex, Made In Chelsea and Geordie Shore, obviously what *television is simply crying out for is another dozen or so people in shiny orange fake tans pretending to go about their normal lives while wearing six-inch eyelashes so thick I’m surprised that anyone can *actually see where they’re going.

And while TOWIE brought *vajazzling to our attention, this time it’s the turn of make-up artist Jodie Lundstram to introduce us to The Scouse Eyebrow – which is the second scariest thing you’re likely to see on telly tonight after American Horror Story.

Meanwhile, models Amanda and Chloe (Abbey (Clancy) Crouch’s cousin) stay true to the Liverpool tradition of parading round town with rollers in.

Many of the cast have been in other reality shows, such as Chick Fix, Diet On The Dancefloor and Britain’s Next Top Model, and among those we meet tonight are former Miss Liverpool Debbie O’Toole, Kate Middleton *lookalike Sam Woolley and Joe McMahon, who seems intended to be Desperate Scousewives’ answer to TOWIE’s Mark Wright.

Tonight’s episode ends with a run-in with his ex, Elissa (a girl who has mastered the art of crying without her eyes getting red) and Irish beauty Layla, who’s not Joe’s girlfriend but keeps going home with him anyway, then can’t understand why she feels bad the next morning.

“If Layla couldn’t speak I’d marry her,” Joe tells his mates. What a gent!

-------------------------------------------------------------------------

Forget the rest, watch the best. Desperate Scousewives starts tonight at 10pm. Sounds epic.

[Locke.]

It needs cancelling and everyone on it needs killing.

[King Gizzard]

Next there will be Bear in the big blue Scouse

[Kate!]

Originally Posted by Locke.

It needs cancelling and everyone on it needs killing.

That's rather extreme. probably true mind, will reserve judgement till I watch it.

[Tom]

I want them to do a chav version, it would be hilarious. Like Shameless meets Jeremy Kyle. Surprised that didn't turn out to be the one in Liverpool actually

Theres a huge gap for it, one channel needs to make it happen

[Callum]

All these scripted reality shows make me ashamed to live in Britain. I know America does Jersey Shore but that's 1 show for the whole of America, over here we have 1 for every city.

[Locke.]

Jersey Shore is actually good, our shows just come off as cheap immitations of it that are poorly executed and have awful people on

[Judas]

Originally Posted by Tom

I want them to do a chav version, it would be hilarious. Like Shameless meets Jeremy Kyle. Surprised that didn't turn out to be the one in Liverpool actually

Theres a huge gap for it, one channel needs to make it happen

That would be quite good, but I could only see it working for like one series as if any of the cast got famous it would pretty much ruin what makes them unique. Would be pretty funny though.

[Fetch The Bolt Cutters]

the 2 gays smh

[Jords]

Another ****ty **** ****

[swinearefine]

Originally Posted by Callum

All these scripted reality shows make me ashamed to live in Britain. I know America does Jersey Shore but that's 1 show for the whole of America, over here we have 1 for every city.

We have Real Housewives of New York City, Real Housewives of New Jersey, Real Housewives of Orange County, Real Housewives of Beverly Hills, Real Housewives of Washington DC, Real Housewives of Atlanta... it's spreading