[Kate!]

Pffffft, Ffs. Noisy inconsiderate pussheads alert.

So I'm in a B&B in Blackpool and its too hot to sleep. I've got the window wide open and for the past hour and a half I've been contemplating murder.

These are some of the lovely things I've heard (shouted at tops of voices in most cases)

1 there's only one Wayyyyyyne Rooooooney, etc..... (Thank feck I say)

2 I'm never coming out with you two again, ****ing slaaaaaags, you've ruined my night. Hysterical sobbing. Translation - you both pulled and I didn't

3 I'm getting marrieeeeed in the morneeeeeng!!! (You'd best bloody sober up then, dickhead)

4 oy oy oy, Dazzer you twat, you can't piss there!

5 A million demented seagulls

And loads more friendly banter.