[Black Dagger]

Gotta love the casual homophobia at the end.

Stupid ********.

[Marc]

Lol

[Black Dagger]

People saying 'it's not got a patch on Geordie Shore though' erm didn't that show have a girl proud of ****ting herself? go away.

[Black Dagger]

'All gays where make-up don't they?'

Yeah I ensure I have lippy on every-day I go to College. Moose.

[Marc]

We all know that beard isn't real and that its drawn on

[Raph]

Glyn was saying that it was good, and he might appear in the background of one of the club scenes, so will definitely be giving this a watch now!

[Mrluvaluva]

'The Valleys' on MTV - review: The grubbiest TV show ever?

"I just wanna shag, shag, shag." "I'd even shove a dead donkey up my arse." "The only shooting I want to do tonight is my load all over Jenna's tits." "I was staring at his balls and thinking ****** their massive. He's got a massive conk on him."

Welcome to The Valleys. Somebody asked MTV if they could make a show grubbier and more sordid than Geordie Shore. The answer is a resounding yes.

Making their North-East cousins look like University Challenge, the kids from the Welsh valleys are nine of the most grotesque characters to ever grace a TV screen.

Aron Williams is a kickboxer who enjoys getting his arse out at any given opportunity. He also isn't ashamed to spout off various bits of homophobia ("I'm a bit pissed off. I'll be keeping my arse well away from him") when given the chance.

Carley Belmonte is a wannabe promotions girl (such high aspirations), who will gladly get out her "titties" for any "fitties" and lives up to her word within about 20 seconds of walking onto the show. She jiggles her nipples in the direction of the camera at regular intervals, just in case you didn't get a clear eyeful of her areola the first time.

Nicole Morris is a technicolour, WKD-soaked version of the Wizard of Oz's Scarecrow ("I'd do anything to be brainy. I'd even go to class or something"), who will happily urinate over her co-stars in the shower and proudly boasts that she "goes for gold" with Olympic blowjobs. "I go fast, slow, lick it, suck it and then it just squirts everywhere," she proclaims. Watch out Mo Farah. You have some competition for Sports Personality of the Year.

Barbara Streisand and Bryan Adams fan Liam Powell is the emotional core you are left clinging for dear life onto throughout the first episode as he struggles to reveal that he's gay to his dry-humping, booze-fuelled, brain-dead housemates. He's got a lot of work on his hands to educate this gaggle of imbeciles, who currently believe people "dress gay" and "talk gay".

Darren Chidgey is the liberal-thinking member of the house, whose response to the news that Liam is gay will no doubt be adopted by gay rights campaigners across the globe. "On the plus side, more fanny for us." Incredible.

Jenna Jonathan has a law degree, but spends her time carrying around a pint-sized pooch and she longs for a career as a glamour model. Who said university education was going downhill?

She has a pair of Ł4,000 boobs and her dad is a tattooed, gun nut for a father. She could be described as the least promiscuous of the cast, but that's like claiming Mel C was the best singer in the Spice Girls. It's not saying much.

Best of the lot is big-mouthed Beyoncé 'lookalike' (if Beyoncé spent a year dieting on Krispy Kremes and lager) Lateysha Grace. Although she claims that she is ready to "******" one of her co-stars after barely 20 minutes with him, she isn't no slag. Oh no. "I started tossing some darts rather than tossing his cock." Move over Emmeline Pankhurst.

There appears to be some kind of vague concept and purpose behind the show (something about the cast achieving their dream careers in Cardiff), but you're smarter than us if you spotted it amid the kickers-around-the-ankles nightclub grinding, bum-slapping, and posing on a beach with only a trio of trout (seriously) to cover their dignity.

Will we watch it next week? Probably. Do we feel incredibly guilty and grubby for saying that? Definitely.


DS

The scenes of them in the nightclub last night....I actually felt embarrassed for them, but they are too stupid to even care. I fear some of their parents will actually be proud. I wonder how MTV will top this next? It's incomprehensible..

[Locke.]

Leeroy and the gay guy are the best 2.

The one that went back home with the other girl and got abused by her mum is just trying to be The Situation

[Black Dagger]

I hate them all bar Lateysha and Liam.

I just know I'll be hooked on it though.

Leeroy/Aron and Nicole?' homophobia annoyed me though, I was enjoying it as it was trash and hilarious, then the ending just spoilt it.

[Mystic Mock]

Originally Posted by Marc

They're in clubs I've been in

Don't go back.

[Marc]

Lateshya is the worst

[Black Dagger]

Originally Posted by Marc

Lateshya is the worst

OMG, she's flawless.

'I decided to toss some darts instead of his cock' was line of the night.

[Raph]

Going to watch it now, so pumped!

[Mrluvaluva]

Originally Posted by Black Dagger

I hate them all bar Lateysha and Liam.

I just know I'll be hooked on it though.

Leeroy/Aron and Nicole?' homophobia annoyed me though, I was enjoying it as it was trash and hilarious, then the ending just spoilt it.

I actually found Lateysha to be one of the more delusional and annoying people on there. Mind you, it was hard to grade them. Most of them are so far up their own arses, but Liam did seem to be one of the less irritating ones. There would be no way I could survive for weeks in a house with such characters. I would have to lose the dream and suffer my losses.

[Marc]

Originally Posted by Raph

Going to watch it now, so pumped!

They go to Glam and they're living somewhere in Bute Town I think!

They go around the student areas too

[Raph]

Ok so this show is an embarrassment to Wales, this is not the Wales I admire and love. So Liam seems pretty cool but the rest of them are such a waste of space. This is an awful representation of Wales and Welsh people and I'm ashamed to have spent my time watching it. My dear Wales

[MTVN]

Just seen it and it was pretty good, gives you a pretty fair idea of what Wales is like I have to say

Not as good as Geordie Shore though and that Lateysha is awful, Chidgey is probably the best one so far

[Fetch The Bolt Cutters]

Originally Posted by Raph

Going to watch it now, so pumped!

Originally Posted by Raph

Ok so this show is an embarrassment to Wales, this is not the Wales I admire and love. So Liam seems pretty cool but the rest of them are such a waste of space. This is an awful representation of Wales and Welsh people and I'm ashamed to have spent my time watching it. My dear Wales

[Ramsay]

Originally Posted by Raph

Ok so this show is an embarrassment to Wales, this is not the Wales I admire and love. So Liam seems pretty cool but the rest of them are such a waste of space. This is an awful representation of Wales and Welsh people and I'm ashamed to have spent my time watching it. My dear Wales

wales wales wales wales wales wales wales wales wales wales wales wales wales wales wales wales wales wales wales wales wales wales wales wales wales wales wales wales wales wales wales wales wales wales wales wales wales wales wales wales wales wales wales wales wales wales wales wales wales wales

[Shaun]

oh so this is what Wales is like

[Mystic Mock]

Originally Posted by Raph

Ok so this show is an embarrassment to Wales, this is not the Wales I admire and love. So Liam seems pretty cool but the rest of them are such a waste of space. This is an awful representation of Wales and Welsh people and I'm ashamed to have spent my time watching it. My dear Wales

Don't take it personally it's just that the producers wanted to find the worst examples of Wales and they found it.

[Fetch The Bolt Cutters]

Originally Posted by Shaun

oh so this is what Wales is like

[Callum]

Shame on MTV for even commissioning this pile of crap.

[Callum]

Originally Posted by MTVN

Just seen it and it was pretty good, gives you a pretty fair idea of what Wales is like I have to say

Not as good as Geordie Shore though and that Lateysha is awful, Chidgey is probably the best one so far

You can't have been to much of Wales then if you seriously think that.

[Marc]

Originally Posted by Shaun

oh so this is what Wales is like