[Shaun]

-Eoin walks to the stage with 100 different people all dressed 1 side as a man, the other as a woman-

-Eoin is wearing a Free Kate t-shirt-

-song begins-

The Real Mollie Harbinger

May I have your attention please?
May I have your attention please?
Will the real Mollie Harbinger please stand up?
I repeat, will the real Mollie Harbinger please stand up?
We're gonna have a problem here.....

Y'all act like you never seen a transgender before
Balls all on the floor, Raph and Locke burst through the door
and started riding his ass worse than before
they fist like cum*****s, throwin him over furniture (Ahh!)
It's the return of the Iceman... "Ah, wait, no way, you're kidding,
he didn't just say what I think he did, did he?"
And Mr Marky said... nothing you idiots!
Mr Marky's dead, he's locked up in my dungeon
Hormonal women love Eoin
[*vocal turntable: chigga chigga chigga*]
"Iceman, I'm sick of him
Look at him, walkin around banning my friends, being cliqish, being biasty too "Yeah, but his butt's cute though!"
Yeah, I probably got a couple of screws up in my head loose
But no worse, than what's goin on in Arista's bedrooms
Sometimes, I wanna get on the forum and just let loose, but can't
but it's cool for Scott to Deepthroat a dog and a ninastar
"His bum is on your lips, his bum is on your lips"
And if your lucky, you might just give it a little kiss
And that's the message that he whispers to little kids
And expect them not to know what Jimmy Saville did
Of course they gonna know what permaban is
By the time they hit 1 year
They got the appeals section flooded
"We ain't nothing but mammals.." Well, some of us cannibals
who cut other people open like cantaloupes [SLURP]
But if Scott can hump dead animals and Glenns
then there's no reason that a Locke and Raph can't elope
[*EWWW!*] But if you feel like I feel, I got the antidote
Kizzy wave your pantyhose, sing the chorus and it goes

'Cause I'm Mollie Harbinger, yes I'm the real Mollie
All you other Mollie Harbingers are just imitating
So won't the real Mollie Harbinger please stand up,
please stand up, please stand up?

Well Smithy don't gotta cuss in his raps to sell his records;
well I do, so **** him and **** you too!
You think I give a damn about Elimination
Half of you bitches can't even stomach me, let alone stand me
"But Eoin, what if you win, wouldn't it be weird?"
Why? So you guys could just lie to get me here?
So you can, sit me here next to Michael Spears?
****, Christina and her makeup better switch me chairs
so I can sit next to Karl Davey and Michael 21
and hear 'em argue over who she gave AIDS to first
You little bitch, put me on blast on MTVNews
"Yeah, he's cute, but I think he's married to Niamh, hee-hee!"
I should download her audio on MP3
and show the whole world how you gave Eoinem VD [AHHH!]
I'm sick of you little girl and boy cliques, all you do is annoy me
so I have been sent here to destroy you
And there's a million of us just like me
who cuss like me; who just don't give a **** like me
who dress like me; walk, talk and act like me
and just might be the next best thing but not quite me!

'Cause I'm Mollie Harbinger, yes I'm the real Mollie
All you other Mollie Harbingers are just imitating
So won't the real Mollie Harbinger please stand up,
please stand up, please stand up?

I'm like a head trip to listen to, cause I'm only givin you
things you joke about with your followers inside your internet
The only difference is I got the balls to say it
in front of y'all and I don't gotta be false or sugarcoated at all
I just get on Josy and split it
and whether you like to admit it [*ERR*] Marc just **** it
better than ninety percent of you rapers out can
Then you wonder how can kids eat up these albums like valiums
It's funny; cause at the rate I'm goin when I'm thirty
I'll be the only pervert in the nursin home flirting
Pinchin Vicky's ass when I'm jackin off with Jergens
And Ben's jerkin but this whole bag of Viagra isn't working
And every single person is a Mollie Harbinger lurkin
He could be working at Burger King, cummin on your onion rings
[*HACH*] Or in the parkin lot, circling
Screaming "I don't give a ****!"
with his pantss down and his dick ****ed up
So, will the real Mollie please stand up?
And put one of those boys out of their misery?
And be proud to be outta your mind and outta control
and one more time, loud as you can, how does it go?

'Cause I'm Mollie Harbinger, yes I'm the real Mollie
All you other Mollie Harbingers are just imitating
So won't the real Mollie Harbinger please stand up,
please stand up, please stand up?

Ha ha
Guess there's a bit of Mollie Harbinger in all of us
**** it, let's all stand up

-As the song ends, eoin bends over and ****s out a MM&I to the rapturous applause of the auditorium-