[Shaun]

-Eoin walks to the stage with 100 different people all dressed 1 side as a man, the other as a woman-

-Eoin is wearing a Free Kate t-shirt-

-song begins-

The Real Mollie Harbinger

May I have your attention please?
May I have your attention please?
Will the real Mollie Harbinger please stand up?
I repeat, will the real Mollie Harbinger please stand up?
We're gonna have a problem here.....

Y'all act like you never seen a transgender before
Balls all on the floor, Raph and Locke burst through the door
and started riding his ass worse than before
they fist like cum*****s, throwin him over furniture (Ahh!)
It's the return of the Iceman... "Ah, wait, no way, you're kidding,
he didn't just say what I think he did, did he?"
And Mr Marky said... nothing you idiots!
Mr Marky's dead, he's locked up in my dungeon
Hormonal women love Eoin
[*vocal turntable: chigga chigga chigga*]
"Iceman, I'm sick of him
Look at him, walkin around banning my friends, being cliqish, being biasty too "Yeah, but his butt's cute though!"
Yeah, I probably got a couple of screws up in my head loose
But no worse, than what's goin on in Arista's bedrooms
Sometimes, I wanna get on the forum and just let loose, but can't
but it's cool for Scott to Deepthroat a dog and a ninastar
"His bum is on your lips, his bum is on your lips"
And if your lucky, you might just give it a little kiss
And that's the message that he whispers to little kids
And expect them not to know what Jimmy Saville did
Of course they gonna know what permaban is
By the time they hit 1 year
They got the appeals section flooded
"We ain't nothing but mammals.." Well, some of us cannibals
who cut other people open like cantaloupes [SLURP]
But if Scott can hump dead animals and Glenns
then there's no reason that a Locke and Raph can't elope
[*EWWW!*] But if you feel like I feel, I got the antidote
Kizzy wave your pantyhose, sing the chorus and it goes

'Cause I'm Mollie Harbinger, yes I'm the real Mollie
All you other Mollie Harbingers are just imitating
So won't the real Mollie Harbinger please stand up,
please stand up, please stand up?

Well Smithy don't gotta cuss in his raps to sell his records;
well I do, so **** him and **** you too!
You think I give a damn about Elimination
Half of you bitches can't even stomach me, let alone stand me
"But Eoin, what if you win, wouldn't it be weird?"
Why? So you guys could just lie to get me here?
So you can, sit me here next to Michael Spears?
****, Christina and her makeup better switch me chairs
so I can sit next to Karl Davey and Michael 21
and hear 'em argue over who she gave AIDS to first
You little bitch, put me on blast on MTVNews
"Yeah, he's cute, but I think he's married to Niamh, hee-hee!"
I should download her audio on MP3
and show the whole world how you gave Eoinem VD [AHHH!]
I'm sick of you little girl and boy cliques, all you do is annoy me
so I have been sent here to destroy you
And there's a million of us just like me
who cuss like me; who just don't give a **** like me
who dress like me; walk, talk and act like me
and just might be the next best thing but not quite me!

'Cause I'm Mollie Harbinger, yes I'm the real Mollie
All you other Mollie Harbingers are just imitating
So won't the real Mollie Harbinger please stand up,
please stand up, please stand up?

I'm like a head trip to listen to, cause I'm only givin you
things you joke about with your followers inside your internet
The only difference is I got the balls to say it
in front of y'all and I don't gotta be false or sugarcoated at all
I just get on Josy and split it
and whether you like to admit it [*ERR*] Marc just **** it
better than ninety percent of you rapers out can
Then you wonder how can kids eat up these albums like valiums
It's funny; cause at the rate I'm goin when I'm thirty
I'll be the only pervert in the nursin home flirting
Pinchin Vicky's ass when I'm jackin off with Jergens
And Ben's jerkin but this whole bag of Viagra isn't working
And every single person is a Mollie Harbinger lurkin
He could be working at Burger King, cummin on your onion rings
[*HACH*] Or in the parkin lot, circling
Screaming "I don't give a ****!"
with his pantss down and his dick ****ed up
So, will the real Mollie please stand up?
And put one of those boys out of their misery?
And be proud to be outta your mind and outta control
and one more time, loud as you can, how does it go?

'Cause I'm Mollie Harbinger, yes I'm the real Mollie
All you other Mollie Harbingers are just imitating
So won't the real Mollie Harbinger please stand up,
please stand up, please stand up?

Ha ha
Guess there's a bit of Mollie Harbinger in all of us
**** it, let's all stand up

-As the song ends, eoin bends over and ****s out a MM&I to the rapturous applause of the auditorium-

[Drew.]

omg

[Jake.]

Just been reading these, amazing, well done everyone so far!

[GypsyGoth]

Mine doesn't seem as mental now.

[Glenn.]

ROFL

[Z]

LOLOLOL omg!

[Withano]

Haha

[Ramsay]

Eoin

[Shaun]

I am sf tired omg
I know right? And I'm sure Eoinem just threatened me.
uggggh let's just get Germany out of the way.

[Black Dagger]

Eoin

I'm howling.

[Glenn.]

Originally Posted by Shaun

-As the song ends, eoin bends over and ****s out a MM&I to the rapturous applause of the auditorium-

Just

[Ammi]

..Eoin - Slim Shady.......BRILLIANT...!!!!!!.. ....

[Josy]

Just caught up these have all been amazing so far actually laughed out loud at a lot of them

Great work all

[Shaun]

to the tune of...

Youtube video

The stage is illuminated and five novelty sized coffins stand upright on the stage. The door to each coffin is slightly ajar, as if something inside each one is about to step out of it, but the audience cannot see inside the coffins. The interior lining of each coffin is a different colour: blue, purple, yellow, green and pink, respectively, though these only become visible when the coffins are open and vacated. The backing track kicks in and the coffin on the right hand side of the stage opens, and Margaret Thatcher strides out to the horror of the audience who begin to scream in horror in between gulps of precious milk.

Maggie: Coal miners I am hating, no point in demonstrating
IRA I am hating, no point in demonstrating

Boys I’m Maggie Thatcher
I’m of iron stature
Hold on to your Walkmans, ‘cause I kept the Falklands
You know this does not please me Maggie turns and looks disgustedly at her coffin
So let's just make this easy
Put me in control
I’ll take your coal

And I’ll take your milk (The audience scream, horrified)
Society needs me
You know that’s a joke
Society what?

I’m under the weather
And now I’m dead for forever
I was so evil
Now I am dust.

'Cause my Cabinet hate me
The number one Iron Lady
So what's up UK?
There is no us!

The other four coffins spring open and the other members of the Diktaturdays step onto the stage. Maggie puts on a Northern accent and pretends to be a coal miner, with the other band members laughing at her impersonation.

Whatcha doin' to my job? (Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha)
Really wanna punch your gob! (Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha)
Let’s go get the angry mob! (Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha)
What about us? (There is no us!)

Another of the band members moves into the middle of the formation and takes the lead vocals. It’s none other than Kim Jong-il! The audience boo, but he pays them no heed.

Kim Jong-il: I’m dead and pushing daisies, Kim Jong-il is so crazy (He strokes Maggie’s face as he sings the next line, she looks away nonchalantly.)
You’re dead and pushing daisies, you are the Iron Lady

I’m one angry mister
Take it take it Seoul, ha
Don't be 'fraid to show them, all our freakin' nukes
Don’t take our threats lightly
USA’s in sight next
Now it's their turn-turn (yes it's their turn)

I am Kim Jong-il, why are we waiting?
You follow my lead!
Oh I think my heart’s stopped

I’m under the weather
And now we’re dead and together
So what's up Maggie?
Kim Jong-il rocks!

'Cause I've been plotting and hating
And now my son is totes baiting
Kill them all Jong-un!
Turn them to dust!

Kim Jong-il pretends to be an average North Korean citizen, the other band members laugh at his impersonation.

Can we have the internet? (Na, na, na, na, na)
How about a TV set? (Na, na, na, na, na)
Oh my god we’re so upset! (Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha)
What about us?

The band perform some choreography during the dance breakdown, while a third member takes the lead vocals. It’s none other than Robert Mugabe! As the only living member of the band, he’s also the only one currently linked to Taylor Swift, earning him an extra loud round of boos from the audience. He chants his lines, with each of the other four band members falling to the floor at the end of each line, one by one.

Mugabe:Turn them to dust-dust-dust-dust-dust-dust
Turn them to dust-dust-dust-dust-dust-dust
Turn them to dust-dust-dust-dust-dust-dust
Turn them to dust, yeah!

A fourth band member takes the lead vocals. He writhes forward on his hands and knees while the other three jump to their feet alongside Mugabe as he calls their names. It’s Adolf Hitler! The booing becomes deafeningly loud, but not loud enough to drown out the song.

Hitler: Kim Stalin Maggie
Oh yes and Robert Mugabe
Dictators yes
And Hitler’s on top! (Hitler stands up and poses with his hand on his hip.)

'Cause I've been killing and maiming
Just want the blondes procreating
I’m the Führer!
When will I stop!

Hitler impersonates anyone who’s ever felt oppressed by their government, while the other band members switch to German in response to each line he sings.

Whatcha doin’ to our lives? (Ja, ja, ja, ja, ja)
Coming after you with knives! (Ja, ja, ja, ja, ja)
What if one of them survives? (Ja, ja, ja, ja, ja)
What about us? (Lebensraum Lust!)

The fifth and final band member finally takes the lead vocals for the last section of the song. It’s Joseph Stalin, and the crowd are appalled. His moustache strikes fear in the hearts of the audience, with many people in the crowd mysteriously disappearing for absolutely no reason at all. Hitler, Maggie, Kim Jong-il and Mugabe switch from German to Russian in honour of Stalin.

Stalin: In Siberia
(Da, da, da, da, da)
You’re a prisoner
(da, da, da, da, da)
I’ll kill all of ya!
Genocide‘s a plus
There is no us

The five leaders realise that there is no crowd left; they’ve all mysteriously disappeared onto trains headed for Siberia. Maggie, Hitler, Kim Jong-il and Stalin head back to their coffins and shut the doors behind them, while Mugabe, whose open casket is in the middle of the five, winks seductively at the camera, and the stage goes dark.

[Iceman]

Thanks I think haha.... been good to take part with such talented people

[Shaun]

i've only just properly read this greg omfg this is genius

[GypsyGoth]

[Ammi]

..genius, Zee......

[Drew.]

bloody amazing

[Black Dagger]

I CANNOT AT THIS TONIGHT

[Withano]

Greatest comeback of all time!

[LemonJam]

oh my God brilliant

[Iceman]

Zee that was amazing haha

[Withano]

I can't even call a winner, so many good ones

[Drew.]

impossible to predict a winner here