I was... I was called at lunchtime yesterday to say a decision had been made and I was in the final batch. I went to a hotel in Devon last night where I had my phone and everything taken from me. Anxiety set in and I realised what I had done. I pulled out lunchtime today.. and after a long chat with a producer on skype, the failed to persuade me to stay.

I freaked out. What were the papers saying? What would they say about my family? What would people think of me? I've never had a panic attack in my life, but I had one about one o'clock last night when I realised how cut off from life I actually was, and I wasn't even in the house yet - that's when I realised I had to get out.

If somebody decides not to believe me, fine, that's your right.. if you'd like to know more about my audition experience, I might make a thread tomorrow. But for now.. I want to get back to just being a fan of the show, not a contestant, a line which I think was very blurred before now.