My name is Jessica, I am 20 years old. I live in the south west of Ireland and have lived in the same estate for my whole life. When I was just born my father was holding me and I basically died in his arms but luckily the doctors managed to resuscitate me, it was discovered I had fluid on the lung and was given three days to live, but miraculously I pulled through.
My father died on his birthday when I was three years old, for most of my life my mother was dishonest with me about how he died. She told me he fell into the river and drowned but I have only come to know and accept that he took his own life in the last few months. I have an eighteen year old half brother whom I don't have much contact with, again I don't know if my father cheated or if my parents had broken up at the time.
After my fathers death my mother went into severe depression, she would stay in bed all day and night for years only getting up to wake us for school or buy food, she missed all of my nativity plays and concerts and performances when I was in Primary school, I still have some resentment for that. We lost both of our parents instead of just one. My oldest brother, who is 10 years older than me, developed incredible rage problems and would occasionally beat me, my mother had to call the police on more than one occasion to save me from him because he couldn't control himself.
When I was 10 my sister had a baby and it changed all of our lives, my niece showed me that love exists and my mother realised that her family mattered and she wanted to be a good grandmother, she was 38 at the time, my life became so much more worthwhile after that, I didn't have any social skills since I barely had any human interaction apart from school for many years. My sister got pregnant again and when she was about 8 months pregnant with her second child she broke up with her boyfriend one night, he had been in and out of prison for assault and other things, he came to our house looking for her and we didn't let him in, so he stabbed the dog my niece got for her first birthday with a screwdriver, he tried and failed to break into our house while the whole family hid in terror upstairs.
I performed averagely in secondary school although I still didn't have any social skills, I found some people I was comfortable talking to, but never really could call any of them real friends. I got into a lot of trouble and got suspended every year of secondary school. I was never punished or disciplined by my mother of course, so I never respected any boundaries. I graduated when I was 16, since I had skipped a year in primary school and decided to take a gap year since I didn't get into the university I wanted. I used the internet very much in this time and joined TiBB etc.. The gap year turned into more than a year but I didn't really know what I wanted to do and I was quite happy to just do my own thing and enjoy time with my nieces and nephew.
In 2010 my sister got a new boyfriend, he did not treat her two children very well, for example my nephew was afraid of elevators and my sisters bf put him in an elevator alone and went up the stairs himself as a joke. My sister told me she was pregnant in July and I wasn't sure what to think of that. She said she was taking my niece and nephew on holiday to England for two weeks the day after that. When she got there she sent my mother a text saying she was never coming back, my whole world fell apart, I stayed in my room all the time crying and never went outside, I was in a very dark place, I couldn't look at anything that reminded me of them or I would cry uncontrollably, it was the hardest time of my life and I still get upset about the shock of it to this day. I saw the kids about 3 times since they were taken away. I had nobody to turn to irl but I had some really good online friends who helped me through a lot of stuff.
In April 2011 I started playing an online game and got very addicted, I made some friends in it and it took my mind off a lot of my problems. I made friends with this guy and we started chatting a lot, he was so kind and understanding, he made me smile when I didn't even know I was able. In June 2011 he asked me to be his girlfriend, I was hesitant at first but I felt something about him that I had never felt before. I began a long distance relationship with him and he changed my life, he fixed my heart. We had our two year anniversary this month and I am gonna fly to him for a week in August. I plan to move to Portugal for good as soon as we are both stable.
In March of this year my sister moved back to Ireland for good with her three children and left her abusive boyfriend who had changed my nephew to a shell of his old self, if he spilled water by accident or if he accidentally played too roughly he would cry to be punished because he thought he deserved it, I will never forgive my sister for allowing this to happen but all of the kids are improving very well and fitting in at their new school.
That is only that half of it really, there's a lot more I could say but I think this is long enough, I have a much brighter outlook on life now and I hope it will continue this way.
23-06-2013, 07:31 PM
Hybrid Mode
