[Blue Cadillac]

There comes a time in most folk's lives when they question what they're doing
Seeing utter tosh on telly each night makes for extremely tacky viewing,
I must be sad to watch such crap, I wallow in despair
Yet there I go again last night, fixated to my chair.
There must be more to life than this, I shake my head and frown
As I shudder watching Lauren twirl in a putrid floaty gown,
And then there's Abz to entertain, what a lucky gal I am
Tuned in to hear my mother tongue of Cockney gone down the pan.
I could always root for Sophie, with her shiny cheeks and forehead
She must have shares in botox; and her lips – well, they're just horrid,
There's Vicky with her nasal drawl, it drives me round the bend
And Courtney spewing helium, any skinnier and she'd ascend.
Loose Women's handed us Carol, for us to endure in pain
Cocky, brash, bold, frightful, I think I ought to refrain,
Oh Louie, what a card you are, you play your role so well
You've overdosed in campness, it's just too much over-sell.
What is to say re: Harlotte, except she's filthy and so phoney
I can't abide her antics; it's all made up, a load of pony,
Big Ron does not offend me, but neither he excites
Looks like I'm in for more of this – dull and boring nights.
There are others in this house I watch, but none of whom need mention
I'll wait for next year's normal BB, for some much needed fun and tension.