[Z]

1) I was in an episode of Beechgrove Garden when I was 6 because my primary school was getting a new play area built for the program and I got picked to be in certain parts

2) My uncle (used to be married to my mum's sister) was on the rich list last year and presumably this year too, I haven't checked.

3) I went to one of Angela Merkel's public speeches and was this close to getting to shake her hand but some giant man was blocking me from getting close enough, gutted, she's an icon!

4) I have a scar on my nose that I acquired last Halloween when I was getting rid of all my body hair with Veet because I had somehow caught crabs without actually having any sexual relations and it got really slippery underneath my feet and I fell and smashed my face off the edge of the bath tub. I told my parents it was a freak accident, which isn't a lie, it was an accident that happened because I'm a freak

5) I've been assaulted on my birthday twice so far in my life, both times unprovoked, the second time left me with a burst ear drum and I couldn't hear properly for 2 months afterwards. I've applied for compensation and I'm still waiting for an outcome.