[erinp5]

Just in case there is anyone that hasn’t heard …. prostitute Helen Wood, the one who famously had a threesome with Manchester United football star Wayne Rooney, is now claiming that she slept with a famous British actor. However, the actor concerned has successfully applied to the courts for a super injunction, to prevent the press from revealing his true identity. The actor’s name was replaced in court by the initials NEJ, which is probably meaningless, but other clues to his identity are that he is married, has a child, his wife drives a Volvo, he uses Twitter regularly, appears in a popular TV period drama series, is alleged to have paid £195 for a shag and some sex toy action and he kisses like a virgin … according to Helen Wood.

To be honest, I don’t blame the bloke for trying to hide his identity. I mean, who the hell in their right mind would want everyone to know that they had emerged from the same tunnel or swung from the same bush as that monkey boy, Wayne Rooney.