[Conzors]

His funeral was on Monday, it felt weird going from a really happy place (celebrating my 21st) on the Friday then on the Sunday evening travelling to Peterborough for his funeral. We stayed in his house and just sitting on the bench where he died just seemed wrong. I didn't feel too sad that evening nor on the morning of his funeral. The church service was really nice but even then the emotion didn't go over me. Making our way to the crematorium my dad and I were making jokes and it just seemed like any other day. In the crematorium it all changed. As the curtains shut I looked over at my aunt who has some tears down her face I looked over at my cousin she was balling her eyes out, then next to her - my mum has never looked so devastated. My heart sank as she and my sister hugged balling their eyes out. I didn't want to cry, so I held back the tears and didn't show any emotion, but something within that 2 minutes really effected me. The car journey home was okay, I didn't think about it and slept through it. When I got home, to my little studio flat with all my birthday gifts and clothes from the really busy weekend. I sat down and looked through the scrapbook that my sister made me which had all pictures from the 21 years I've been living. My eyes started to rain, all this emotion that I piled up just came out - I think it was a mixture of going from bring surrounded by so many so my friends and family all weekend to suddenly being alone just bought everything to life. I missed my great uncle, even though we didn't really have a connection or bond much he was still a part not my life that kept all our extended family together and conjoined, and for that I will miss him. Even now I feel lonely and just so sad. I'm sure ill get over it but this funeral affected me in a way no others did and I can't place my finger on it.

Sorry for the long essay, I could never mention this to anyone in person without sounding like a weirdo.