[Pete.]

Down in the sun-kissed Balearics, two of the villa’s lotharios are *eyeing up their next conquest.

Jon: “If you make a move on any of those girls, they’ll get with you.”

Jordan: “It’s like that saying, ‘Don’t wait until the iron is hot to strike, strike it *yourself to make it hot.’”

Ahh, Confucius the Tefal work *experience years, unless I’m much *mistaken.

Welcome to Love Island. This is where boy meets girl, boy dumps girl, girl snogs *another boy, girl dumps other boy, boy gets back with girl, girl dumps boy, only to be dumped by boy, who gets back with other girl.

It’s a revival of one of the greats in the pantheon of reality TV.

I jest not. The original shows were *extraordinary, explosive, funny and, most importantly, starred Paul Danan, *transcending Hollyoaks.

So one decade on, some ITV2 twerp thought: “Hey, let’s bring it back. Only this time, forget Fiji. It’s short-haul to Majorca. And no celebrities.”

And what did that bozo get? A ratings disaster that’s being pummelled by a terrible series of Big Brother, with daily tasks like “which boy can remove five girls’ bras with one hand the fastest”.

Highbrow stuff.

It must have been a big surprise that, having aimed for the Dapper Laughs end of the market, they’ve cast the most *laddish, lairy insults to the human race.

And the boys are almost as bad.

They include “Oi-Oi!” Omar, Josh, who likes “nice t**s and a decent arse” (the girls must be relieved that he’s not *shallow), and Jon, who claims “300 to 400 women” on his bedpost but insists: “I don’t just sleep with any old bird.”

What with him being so exceptionally picky.

And of course we have cheesy Mancunian/Italian twins John and Tony – walking gorgonzola, who “put the *winning into twinning” shortly before * being rejected by the girls and putting the *“uggering off” into “buggering off”.

Then there’s the vacuous, cud-chewing bimbos.

We have Hannah, a “Scouse from Liverpool” – of all places – tipsy hellhole Jess, Zoe, who likes “men that are men, like Vikings, pirates, anyone with hair”.

And Lauren, who is on the show because she had her photo taken with Zayn Malik and had nothing to do with One Direction splitting.

So begins five more weeks of bed-*hopping, “cheeky little feels to check for size” and such nonsense.

Caroline Flack is probably wondering why she signed up to host this charmless beast, aside from altitude training for The X Factor.

But it might be for links like this from the very, VERY, annoying narrator: “Coming up, Jon shows his romantic side.”

BELCH!

Stay classy, ITV2.

Scolding tea spilt

[Marsh.]

Yeah, just when I thought Big Brother had reached the depths of lowbrow TV they release shows like this.

[Liam-]

That article is better than anything Shakespeare ever did, did i lie?

[Marsh.]

But considering Caroline Flack is now front and centre of X Factor, I'm surprised she signed up to this pap.

[Pete.]

Originally Posted by Liam-

That article is better than anything Shakespeare ever did, did i lie?

When did crusty Shakespeare end a flawless speech with BLECH!

[Pete.]

Originally Posted by Marsh.

But considering Caroline Flack is now front and centre of X Factor, I'm surprised she signed up to this pap.

Same, they obviously promised her a 6 figure sum plus reassurance that it would be a reality TV smash

[hijaxers]

I heard Emma Willis was a producer

[GiRTh]

Love Island is a concept that will never attract viewers in this country. Bury it and never drag that idea up again.

[Pete.]

Originally Posted by hijaxers

I heard Emma Willis was a producer

That's not Mutha Emma

[Kizzy]

This is what they want for BB, just people banging on telly, louisa more or less said to sarah on bots she was pulled because her and danny weren't shagging.

[Mokka]

Originally Posted by hijaxers

I heard Emma Willis was a producer

It has already been proven on here it was a different Emma... Keep up son

[Marsh.]

Not to mention resurrecting Love Island and it's not on an island.

They're not even on a beach.

[hijaxers]

Originally Posted by Mokkajava

It has already been proven on here it was a different Emma... Keep up son

Wrong sex i'm a woman thru and thru and well adult thanks dad

[Marsh.]

Originally Posted by hijaxers

Wrong sex i'm a woman thru and thru

Hello there, I'm Marsh.

[armand.kay]

Lol @ thi season of BB being used as a benchmark for awfulness.

[Firewire]

I watched two episodes and gave up. Utter trash.

[Pete.]

Aren't Love Island copying BB by putting ex contestants in?

[Will.]

Love Island reminds me of the David Lloyd gym which I pass heading for the swimming pool, full of self obsessed nobs who look like Channing Tatum and Beyonce rejects.

[Mokka]

Originally Posted by hijaxers

Wrong sex i'm a woman thru and thru and well adult thanks dad

Well I am a lady as well... And the motherly type who would like to advise you to be cautious of that Marsh character

He thinks TIBB is Love Island

[Liam-]

Originally Posted by Petemitch

Aren't Love Island copying BB by putting ex contestants in?

They're putting old contestants in? Bianca Gascoigne?

[hannah.]

Originally Posted by Mokkajava

Well I am a lady as well... And the motherly type who would like to advise you to be cautious of that Marsh character

He thinks TIBB is Love Island

I'd watch a TiBB edition

But then again, I'm currently on TiBB and also watching the usual series of Love Island, so...

[Mokka]

Originally Posted by hannah.

I'd watch a TiBB edition

But then again, I'm currently on TiBB and also watching the usual series of Love Island, so...

I've been watching it too

Is this thread meant to shame me out of watching it... Or maybe just stay in the closet about watching it.

[Jack_]

It's not been that bad so far tbh

[Mokka]

Originally Posted by Jack_

It's not been that bad so far tbh

Basically I have been watching it b/c I gave up on BBUK, BBCan is over, BBUS has yet to start, and small my fav TV shows are pretty much done for the season...

Haven't decided if I will stick with it or not though

[Ammi]

Originally Posted by Petemitch

When did crusty Shakespeare end a flawless speech with BLECH!

...Macblech..?...'...fair is foul, and foul is fair, hover through fog and filthy blech...'.../Shakespeare leaving all them witches wigless....