[kirklancaster]

Originally Posted by Mokka

You check all the boxes Kirk
Mrs. Kirklancaster is a lucky lady

Aww Thank you Mokka, you are so genuinely sweet and kind.

You do know though, that I jest above - I am really a sad old wrinkly geriatric who is balding, fat, and walks with a stutter and talks with a limp.

Oh - and I only have one tooth - growing out of my forehead.

My stomach is so enormous I had to stop playing golf, because if I put the ball where I could reach it I couldn't see it, and if I put it where I could see it, I couldn't reach it.

I have the same trouble fumbling beneath my gut trying to find my weenie little widgie at pee pee time. It got so bad, that I have had Braille Dots tattooed on it.

And I'm not fit at all now.

I've had to pack in Shadow Boxing, because the Shadow keeps beating me.

I am an abject failure at attracting women, and always was.

I was so lonely before I kidnapped my wife from the Blind School, that I tried to chat up a 42 stone 70 year old Mexican lady at a 'Lonely Hearts Supper For The Desperate' and girl, was she ugly.

I smoothed up to her as suave as I could manage in my corduroy three piece suit, and said; "Hi, I'm Don Juan, and I'd like to date you". She took one look at me and replied: "And I'm Conchita, and I Don Juan't to" then fled.

Apart from all that, I'm still the dashing young stud muffin I never was.