[user104658]

Originally Posted by DemolitionRed

Actually I believe, at least when it comes to emotional vulnerability, men have to hide it better than women. Its normally a man who asks for the first dance, the first date and so on. Its more often the man who proposes to the woman and all those things come with a certain amount of vulnerability.

Men or woman who fear loss are more likely to numb down any chance of feeling emotionally vulnerable. The trouble with that is, when you hide your emotions, people, including your lover, don't get to know the real you, just the person you want them to know.

It is strange that this is still such a social norm, in the modern world of (overall) much more equality. The number of men in their late 20s or even 30s who have NEVER had a real relationship / possibly never had any relationship at all is quite staggering, if you look at anonymous sources like reddit (where people are more inclined to be honest about it, in realz most would just pretend they have experience). But it's relatively unusual for women to reach that age and never have had a partner / have been "pursued" by someone interested.

Me and my wife were musing over high school recently (before we knew each other) and the number of times I mentioned a situation and she was like "Err yeah she clearly LIKED you, you know..." and I'm like "Hmm? Really?" and then thinking about it it seems so obvious now... But as a teenage boy I had absolutely NO idea.

[DemolitionRed]

Originally Posted by Toy Soldier

It is strange that this is still such a social norm, in the modern world of (overall) much more equality. The number of men in their late 20s or even 30s who have NEVER had a real relationship / possibly never had any relationship at all is quite staggering, if you look at anonymous sources like reddit (where people are more inclined to be honest about it, in realz most would just pretend they have experience). But it's relatively unusual for women to reach that age and never have had a partner / have been "pursued" by someone interested.

Me and my wife were musing over high school recently (before we knew each other) and the number of times I mentioned a situation and she was like "Err yeah she clearly LIKED you, you know..." and I'm like "Hmm? Really?" and then thinking about it it seems so obvious now... But as a teenage boy I had absolutely NO idea.

Then the question has to be asked: Are women more intuitive than men?

I was never in doubt of my admirers but then I always left it to them to do something about it. I would try and drop the odd clue that I fancied them too but it didn't always work and perhaps that's because those guys didn't pick up on those clues!

[user104658]

Originally Posted by DemolitionRed

Then the question has to be asked: Are women more intuitive than men?

I was never in doubt of my admirers but then I always left it to them to do something about it. I would try and drop the odd clue that I fancied them too but it didn't always work and perhaps that's because those guys didn't pick up on those clues!

An interesting hypothesis there really. Is it that women expect men to make the first move, or DO women make the first move in ways that they assume are obvious... But aren't picked up? And then they think there's no returned interest when really it's more miscommunication than anything. Hmmm. Nothing proceeds until the man makes the more "obvious" move, so that's assumed to be the first move.

But then I guess in terms of what is actually going on for that person, it doesn't matter either way, they are still putting themselves out there just as much in THEIR mind, if any signals were missed.

No idea if that actually makes sense.

[Northern Monkey]

Originally Posted by Niamh.

Shouldn't it be a team effort making the family feel secure though? You'd have to be a pretty feeble minded woman to solely rely on your husband for you families security

Yeah obviously.I think it's just how a man thinks though.How we're wired.To feel like we have to protect our family and make sure they're safe.To appear strong so they feel safe.

[Niamh.]

Originally Posted by Northern Monkey

Yeah obviously.I think it's just how a man thinks though.How we're wired.To feel like we have to protect our family and make sure they're safe.To appear strong so they feel safe.

You shouldn't feel like that though, I guarantee you your wife would feel more secure if you confided in her, your worries etc. Everybody worries sometimes

[user104658]

Originally Posted by Northern Monkey

Yeah obviously.I think it's just how a man thinks though.How we're wired.To feel like we have to protect our family and make sure they're safe.To appear strong so they feel safe.

TiL I'm not a man

[Northern Monkey]

Originally Posted by Niamh.

Yeah absolutely agree. Sharing worries etc makes couples much stronger in my opinion and in my experience, which in turn makes the family more secure

However i think though that it helps if your partner is worrying about something to be positive and atleast appear to be more relaxed so as not to add to their worries.If you start acting all worried too then it can make them worse.Same infront the kids.They pick up on your emotions.If they see you start panicking then they do too.

[Niamh.]

Originally Posted by Northern Monkey

However i think though that it helps if your partner is worrying about something to be positive and atleast appear to be more relaxed so as not to add to their worries.If you start acting all worried too then it can make them worse.Same infront the kids.They pick up on your emotions.If they see you start panicking then they do too.

Yeah, but mostly when one person is going through a worrying patch the other is not as much or it's a bit like if you go out drinking with your friend and they get really really drunk and all of a sudden you sober up cos you have to look after them #typicalIrishAnalogy

[Northern Monkey]

Originally Posted by Niamh.

Yeah, but mostly when one person is going through a worrying patch the other is not as much or it's a bit like if you go out drinking with your friend and they get really really drunk and all of a sudden you sober up cos you have to look after them #typicalIrishAnalogy

Meh i just usually leave em in the gutter and go check if they're still there next morning

[Niamh.]

Originally Posted by Northern Monkey

Meh i just usually leave em in the gutter and go check if they're still there next morning

We Irish are more loyal than that

[Northern Monkey]

Originally Posted by Toy Soldier

TiL I'm not a man

I bet if you hear a noise in your house at night you're the first one out of bed with a weapon in your hand acting like you're not scared.The ancient male primal instinct kicks in.

[user104658]

Originally Posted by Northern Monkey

I bet if you hear a noise in your house at night you're the first one out of bed with a weapon in your hand acting like you're not scared.The ancient male primal instinct kicks in.

That different though, I don't see why you can't be both. I can be kicking off with aggressive junkies at two and home bawling over Toy Story 3 by six .


... I thought they were going to go into the furnace! I really thought it was going to end that way.

[Niamh.]

Originally Posted by Northern Monkey

I bet if you hear a noise in your house at night you're the first one out of bed with a weapon in your hand acting like you're not scared.The ancient male primal instinct kicks in.

Oh My God, a few years back me and my husband were lying in bed when we hear this really heavy breathing sounding like it was actually in our bedroom, we both literally froze it was so creepy. Until after about 3 minutes I start laughing and realise that the window just above our bed was open and there's a field next to the house that slopes uphill so is level with the bedroom and there were cows in there, it sounded like there was one in the room with us

[Northern Monkey]

Originally Posted by Niamh.

Oh My God, a few years back me and my husband were lying in bed when we hear this really heavy breathing sounding like it was actually in our bedroom, we both literally froze it was so creepy. Until after about 3 minutes I start laughing and realise that the window just above our bed was open and there's a field next to the house that slopes uphill so is level with the bedroom and there were cows in there, it sounded like there was one in the room with us

That would deffo be enough to make me feel vulnerable

[Northern Monkey]

Originally Posted by Toy Soldier

That different though, I don't see why you can't be both. I can be kicking off with aggressive junkies at two and home bawling over Toy Story 3 by six .


... I thought they were going to go into the furnace! I really thought it was going to end that way.

Disney would never do that.Imagine the complaints when millions of kids come out of the cinema bawling their eyes out

[user104658]

Originally Posted by Niamh.

Oh My God, a few years back me and my husband were lying in bed when we hear this really heavy breathing sounding like it was actually in our bedroom, we both literally froze it was so creepy. Until after about 3 minutes I start laughing and realise that the window just above our bed was open and there's a field next to the house that slopes uphill so is level with the bedroom and there were cows in there, it sounded like there was one in the room with us

Our eldest once came into the room in the middle of the night when we were alseep, shut the door behind her, so it was pitch dark... And completely silently put her freezing cold hand on my wife's arm. I swear I've never heard a scream like it . Woke up in the pitch dark, silent room with an ice cold hand grabbing her. Hahaha.

[Niamh.]

Originally Posted by Toy Soldier

Our eldest once came into the room in the middle of the night when we were alseep, shut the door behind her, so it was pitch dark... And completely silently put her freezing cold hand on my wife's arm. I swear I've never heard a scream like it . Woke up in the pitch dark, silent room with an ice cold hand grabbing her. Hahaha.

[user104658]

Originally Posted by Northern Monkey

Disney would never do that.Imagine the complaints when millions of kids come out of the cinema bawling their eyes out

They would. They straight up murdered Mufasa

[Kizzy]

Up until the last few years I ha what is politely termed as a 'crutch' better known as an addiction, that I used to suppress an emotional vulnerability, now I confront it, and if I can resolve it.
It's a much better way to live

[DemolitionRed]

Originally Posted by Toy Soldier

An interesting hypothesis there really. Is it that women expect men to make the first move, or DO women make the first move in ways that they assume are obvious... But aren't picked up? And then they think there's no returned interest when really it's more miscommunication than anything. Hmmm. Nothing proceeds until the man makes the more "obvious" move, so that's assumed to be the first move.

But then I guess in terms of what is actually going on for that person, it doesn't matter either way, they are still putting themselves out there just as much in THEIR mind, if any signals were missed.

No idea if that actually makes sense.

In all honesty, I think us women overthink things and build up half a dozen alarming scenarios in our head and I believe that's why most of us don't directly approach guys we fancy. Instead, we are more likely to use subtle gestures like eye contact, a shy smile, playing with our hair and so on.

So yes, women can make the first move. Picking up on those moves is something some men are very good at, whilst others miss out completely.

This probably explains why aspergic men find it so difficult to find a date!!

[DemolitionRed]

Originally Posted by Northern Monkey

However i think though that it helps if your partner is worrying about something to be positive and atleast appear to be more relaxed so as not to add to their worries.If you start acting all worried too then it can make them worse.Same infront the kids.They pick up on your emotions.If they see you start panicking then they do too.

True but then that works both ways. There is nothing wrong with a calming influence providing its provided on both sides of the relationship.

[Kizzy]

I don't think I would appreciate it if a partner kept something from me, I would like to share the burden, and feel I was trusted enough to be able to support them and help if I can. Two heads are better than one?
This let's not worry the little woman view is I thought a tad outmoded.

[Niamh.]

Originally Posted by Kizzy

I don't think I would appreciate it if a partner kept something from me, I would like to share the burden, and feel I was trusted enough to be able to support them and help if I can. Two heads are better than one?
This let's not worry the little woman view is I thought a tad outmoded.

Definitely and it's an idea that needs to be stamped out, I don't want my son growing up thinking he can't talk about how he's feeling etc to go all corny "A problem shared, is a problem halved......

[DemolitionRed]

Originally Posted by Kizzy

Up until the last few years I ha what is politely termed as a 'crutch' better known as an addiction, that I used to suppress an emotional vulnerability, now I confront it, and if I can resolve it.
It's a much better way to live

Emotional containment is probably the biggest thing to hold back, not only relationships but the ability to achieve your own goals.

I'm glad you sorted that out Kizzy

[Vicky.]

Originally Posted by Toy Soldier

Our eldest once came into the room in the middle of the night when we were alseep, shut the door behind her, so it was pitch dark... And completely silently put her freezing cold hand on my wife's arm. I swear I've never heard a scream like it . Woke up in the pitch dark, silent room with an ice cold hand grabbing her. Hahaha.

OMG Skye did this to me but slightly differently...she creeped into our room and started climbing up under the ****ing duvet from our feet. I woke up with a movement of the quilt, then saw a hulking lump moving towards me under the duvet then felt the icy cold hands of doom grab me. I have never been so terrified in my life. Still never found out why she saw fit to try and murder me