[parmnion]

2012 was the worst year of my life..in the space of 6 months i lost my 16 yr old son and my 72 yr old father.


Here is 2 of my messages today on facebook...one to my partners dad and one to my son that i had when i was 19 that i brought up until he was 5 b4 his mum up and moved...i have always stayed in touch and had loads of contact more so now he is an adult...but anyway..

Good couple of hours spent in the company of the only man who has come close to filling the shoes.....cheers ronald..

And this when my son asked me if a certain fathers day gift would be ok....Nah...only thing ah want is you to hug me like your never going to let go next time i see you x




The dabate.....are step dads usually better than dads?

[AnnieK]

Nope. Sometimes biological fathers are amazing. Mine certainly is. Sometimes they are ****. Sometimes step dads are amazing. Sometimes they are ****. Same with mums and step mums.

[smudgie]

Totally depends on the individual.
My stepdad was an absolute twunt at times, my dad on the other hand was the exact opposite.
Both gone now

[Amy Jade]

Sorry for your losses x

I am biased because my step dad is amazing, he has always treated me like his own wheras my biological father was pretty much a sperm donor.

[UserSince2005]

my biological father is amazing, no need for a step dad or a broken home.

[LeatherTrumpet]

In general of course no

Just like Quorn ain't no steak

[Kazanne]

Originally Posted by parmnion

2012 was the worst year of my life..in the space of 6 months i lost my 16 yr old son and my 72 yr old father.


Here is 2 of my messages today on facebook...one to my partners dad and one to my son that i had when i was 19 that i brought up until he was 5 b4 his mum up and moved...i have always stayed in touch and had loads of contact more so now he is an adult...but anyway..

Good couple of hours spent in the company of the only man who has come close to filling the shoes.....cheers ronald..

And this when my son asked me if a certain fathers day gift would be ok....Nah...only thing ah want is you to hug me like your never going to let go next time i see you x




The dabate.....are step dads usually better than dads?

So very sorry about your losses Parmnion, I had a father and stepfather,and my stepfather was the one I looked up to and respected.i never really got on with my biological father.I think stepdads work at the relationship more as they want you to accept them.

[parmnion]

Originally Posted by AnnieK

Nope. Sometimes biological fathers are amazing. Mine certainly is. Sometimes they are ****. Sometimes step dads are amazing. Sometimes they are ****. Same with mums and step mums.

I should maybe have made it a little clearer..cause obviously your dads your dad....

So replacent dads!

Are they usually better than the departed dad. Wether it be on his own accord or forced upon him...

[Marcus.]

dad - i cant put in work how horrible he was
step dad - an amzaing

[joeysteele]

Probably some are and some aren't.
I had a friend with a stepdad who was good until his children with the friend's Mother came along then he changed towards my friend badly.

Then I guess some 'real' Dad's can be bad too.
Mine was incredible with me.

Interesting question it is though.

[parmnion]

Originally Posted by smudgie

Totally depends on the individual.
My stepdad was an absolute twunt at times, my dad on the other hand was the exact opposite.
Both gone now

ip

Hi smudgie..thank you for answering so honestly
Do you mind if i ask you if you thought he was a twunt at times because it was more directed at your mum than you?

Dont feel you need to answer by the way.

[parmnion]

Originally Posted by Amy Jade

Sorry for your losses x

I am biased because my step dad is amazing, he has always treated me like his own wheras my biological father was pretty much a sperm donor.

Thanks amy j...i admire your honesty and bravery.

[parmnion]

Originally Posted by Kazanne

So very sorry about your losses Parmnion, I had a father and stepfather,and my stepfather was the one I looked up to and respected.i never really got on with my biological father.I think stepdads work at the relationship more as they want you to accept them.

Thanks for the honesty kez.


For me and my experienves that can work both ways..ie me, the father fiigure can work to hard to be a replacement .

Just shows though that you are not only an understandimg peraon on the forum.

[Withano]

I'd imagine its very close to 50-50

[Toy Soldier]

I'd say when it comes right down to it it's more about the individual that the relationship; some parents are amazing, others are awful... both biological and step. Some step parents will fill the role of an absentee biological parent without hesitation and form bonds as strong as any biological bond. Others will go down the "your child your problem" route and that can especially be a problem if they then go on to have more children (half-siblings for the older child) and treat them differently.


But I suppose in the scenario you're talking about - if biological dad has ****ed off to a new life and isn't interested in continuing to be an equal co-parent, and that's being compared to someone who has actively chosen to come into the family as a step parent, then in all likelihood the man who has chosen to be involved is going to be the better parent.

That said, plenty of couples split and have both parents continue to be great parents separately... it's not always the case that one parent disappears over the horizon to (almost) never be seen again.

[parmnion]

Stupid thing is ive been both....and ****ing judged on it by god.

[the truth]

bad mothers cut off blood fathers and poison the kids against them and the courts support them. hence this demonisation of father's had grown

[Niamh.]

That's totally an individual thing, I don't think you can make generalistion like that

[the truth]

the only generalisation has been 8n the divorce courts 85% for the mothers favor is institutional bias sexism and bugotry

[Vicky.]

Totally depends on the people involved tbh. My biological father is amazing. My stepdad seemed great until he tried to kill my mother.

[Niamh.]

Originally Posted by Vicky.

Totally depends on the people involved tbh. My biological father is amazing. My stepdad seemed great until he tried to kill my mother.