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ThisisBigBrother.com - UK TV Forums > Non Big Brother Chat > Chat and Games > Tell us a joke
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Old 24-06-2017, 02:03 AM #26
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Alf View Post
Accordian to scientific studies, 95% of people do not realise that I replaced the beginning of this joke with a musical instrument.
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Jimmy Floyd Hasselbaink and River Song as my Strictly 2025 Sweepstakes, and eventual winner and runner-up of the series.
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Old 24-06-2017, 02:05 AM #27
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What do Theresa May and Wayne Rooney have in common?


Spoiler:

They both want to shaft your nan
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Old 24-06-2017, 02:10 AM #28
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I got really emotional today at the petrol station

I don't know why, I just started filling up
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Old 24-06-2017, 02:12 AM #29
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Alf you're on fire tonight.
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Old 24-06-2017, 02:36 AM #30
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Mystic Mock View Post
Alf you're on fire tonight.
If I'm on fire, you better hurry up and get the marshmallows.
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Old 24-06-2017, 02:11 PM #31
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Statistically 120% of people over exaggerate.
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Old 24-06-2017, 02:13 PM #32
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I'm fed up with my mates. 3 times now they've agreed to go to a Whitesnake gig with me and then cancelled.


Here I go again on my own
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Old 24-06-2017, 02:15 PM #33
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I hate Christmas, whoever invented it wants nailing to a cross.
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Old 24-06-2017, 02:18 PM #34
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Conjunctivitis.com

Now there's a site for sore eyes
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Old 24-06-2017, 02:19 PM #35
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Wind Turbines


I'm a huge fan
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Old 24-06-2017, 02:21 PM #36
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I saw the Worlds largest egg earlier.

I thought, that'll take some beating!
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Old 24-06-2017, 02:23 PM #37
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Have one I came up with myself.

What did the butcher say to the cow?

Spoiler:

"Your life is at steak"
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weird ass british language
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Old 24-06-2017, 02:25 PM #38
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There's a Polish bloke next door. Every night he stands at the top of our street singing "I want to know what love is"


Bloody Foreigner!
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Old 24-06-2017, 06:13 PM #39
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What I if told you...

That you read the first line incorrectly?
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Old 24-06-2017, 06:16 PM #40
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Just heard that Beyoncé has discovered that Roy Castle was her real father.

Can't see her taking his surname somehow.
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Old 24-06-2017, 06:18 PM #41
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For my next trick, I prepare to eat a percussion instrument in a sandwich.


Drum roll please
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Old 24-06-2017, 06:20 PM #42
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I just had a game of darts with a zombie and an alien.


One undead and E.T
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Old 24-06-2017, 06:27 PM #43
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Alf View Post
For my next trick, I prepare to eat a percussion instrument in a sandwich.


Drum roll please
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Old 24-06-2017, 06:28 PM #44
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I answered the door this morning, and a 6ft beetle punched me in the face and called me a tw@.


Apparently there's a nasty bug going round!
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Old 24-06-2017, 06:35 PM #45
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I went to bed with a blind girl last night. And she said I had the biggest knob she'd ever laid her hands on.


I said "You're pulling my leg"
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Old 28-06-2017, 05:48 PM #46
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I was arguing with my girlfriend in Nandos, when my best friend ran off with the garlic bread and coleslaw.


I wish he'd stop taking sides
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Old 28-06-2017, 05:49 PM #47
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My wife said she's leaving me because I've put CCTV all around the house.

To be honest, I can see where she's coming from.
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Old 28-06-2017, 05:51 PM #48
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I got a new job doing shift work, making chess sets.

I'm on knights next week
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Old 28-06-2017, 05:51 PM #49
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my wife has left me because of my obsession with cricket.

It's really hit me for six
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Old 28-06-2017, 05:58 PM #50
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I've just been to the park to feed the Bananas
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