[Crimson Dynamo]

Dear Brendan,

I met you once last year at an event for International Women’s Day. We talked for about 10 minutes and have had no contact since, so I was surprised when you wrote a private message to me at the weekend via Twitter asking for advice.

I saw your resignation statement – the announcement that you were standing down from charity work in response to claims of harassment and sexual assault - and was immediately struck by the way in which you presented as an apology something that seemed to minimise and dismiss even those instances of “inappropriate” behaviour you acknowledge. These were several years ago, you said (as though the passage of time made them smaller) and you never acted in bad faith. How often have we seen such apologies for apologies since the start of the #MeToo campaign?

I tweeted how deficient yours was as a mea culpa and within minutes a private message from you landed. “Would be good to talk to you about your views on what I should do,” you wrote.

Forgive me, but my first thought was to wonder how many women received similar messages asking how you can improve your ways—or at least appear to do so.

I wonder if you even understand what you’ve done.

First there is your history at Save the Children. Harassment is the result of a power imbalance. I believe that you are clever enough to know this. I believe that you understand, as many men do, that arguing over what does or doesn’t constitute harassment, what was or wasn’t intentional, isn’t the point. Did you ever pursue anyone who could fire you? Anyone who could say no without fearing the consequences?


You asked for advice, Brendan, so here’s some: Stop pursuing women in order to make yourself feel better. I don’t just mean you should avoid harassing women - that should really go without saying. Stop asking women to help you fix your mistakes or forgive you for them.

Secondly, there’s your statement. “My actions were never malicious but they were at times inappropriate” is the defence of a man who seems to not have not taken the time to reflect on the influence you wield. Ask yourself why you acted the way did.

You don’t get a free pass just because you might be doing good things in other parts of your life. As your example and the scandal roiling Oxfam illustrate, that can make things worse, because directly or indirectly the repercussions hit some of the most vulnerable.

Nobody should be surprised that supposedly good men do bad things. When I read your statement, I thought of some of the men I encounter in my work as a feminist activist. There are old-fashioned, unvarnished sexists and then there are the ones who are blinded by their own sense of virtue. Like the man who stands too close to me when he comes to ask questions after a talk I’ve given. The man who explains the importance of his experiences because he cares about women and demands I stand in silent acknowledgement until he is finished. To show that while I may think I have power, he still has more. That I have just as much power as he lets me have.

Luckily there are also many men who are true allies to women, men with whom I am glad to work and glad to know. They understand that you can’t make space for other people unless you take up less space yourself.

You can do better: by stepping back. Redefine the fundamentals of advocacy that you and other men in the aid sector have so badly stained. To empower the vulnerable, those with power must give it without limit or condition. Say sorry and mean it, and then go away.

I hope this helps.

Sophie

http://www.huffingtonpost.co.uk/entr...b00bc49f46c61f

[Livia]

Originally Posted by LeatherTrumpet

Dear Brendan,

I met you once last year at an event for International Women’s Day..... etc. etc..................

She's said it all.

[GoldHeart]

Originally Posted by Livia

She's said it all.

Brendan knows he did wrong, maybe he tried to downplay the harassment as he said some are "exaggerated" . Like I've said he was supposed to be doing charity work and instead he was helping himself

[Vicky.]

Originally Posted by Livia

She's said it all.

Yeah I have to agree.

And if he is really contacting random women he spoke to once for 10 mins a year back to ask how he can fix this mess he has created for himself via his own behaviour, thats pretty sad tbh :S

And there is always minimizing when stuff like this comes out. Annoys the **** out of me

[Twosugars]

Originally Posted by Vicky.

And there is always minimizing when stuff like this comes out. Annoys the **** out of me

First of all, for clarity, I condemn his behaviour. The same as I condemn similar behaviour in men generally. Such behaviour in men has been widespread for ever. And now, hopefully, starting with the current campaigns, whatever we may think of them, and taking it further, to all other sectors and industries (film, industry, charity sector, politics being only the beginning) there will be better awareness and empowerment of women to stop taking it anymore.

But to truly address it we need cultural change in men.
Minimizing this stuff, I think, is something men have in common. Men simply think that casual sexual harassment is not such a big deal. To truly change that men will need to start looking at this from female perspective which will take some doing.
I'd hazzard a guess it's because of how men approach all things sexual - which is less seriously than women. If harassed by a woman, most men would see it as a compliment even if a bit awkward. Women wouldn't look at it like that. They would, quite rightly, feel violated.
Also, for women the problem is compounded by the fact that they're usually not as physically strong and that men are often in a position of power (here inequality at work plays a role too).

[bots]

Originally Posted by Twosugars

First of all, for clarity, I condemn his behaviour. The same as I condemn similar behaviour in men generally. Such behaviour in men has been widespread for ever. And now, hopefully, starting with the current campaigns, whatever we may think of them, and taking it further, to all other sectors and industries (film, industry, charity sector, politics being only the beginning) there will be better awareness and empowerment of women to stop taking it anymore.

But to truly address it we need cultural change in men.
Minimizing this stuff, I think, is something men have in common. Men simply think that casual sexual harassment is not such a big deal. To truly change that men will need to start looking at this from female perspective which will take some doing.
I'd hazzard a guess it's because of how men approach all things sexual - which is less seriously than women. If harassed by a woman, most men would see it as a compliment even if a bit awkward. Women wouldn't look at it like that. They would, quite rightly, feel violated.
Also, for women the problem is compounded by the fact that they're usually not as physically strong and that men are often in a position of power (here inequality at work plays a role too).

I completely disagree with this. I don't go around behaving inappropriately to women, none of my friends and family go around behaving inappropriately to women. The men that do it, know exactly what they are doing. They know it is inappropriate and are relying on fear and intimidation to get away with it. They need to be prosecuted and that requires woman to stand up and say no, i'm not allowing this, and finally it's starting to happen. I'm not a particular fan of campaigns like are currently happening because they always tend to get hijacked, but at this point women do need encouragement to speak out so it has to run its course. Men that respect woman have nothing to fear ... at least, not yet.

[Twosugars]

Originally Posted by bitontheslide

I completely disagree with this. I don't go around behaving inappropriately to women, none of my friends and family go around behaving inappropriately to women. The men that do it, know exactly what they are doing. They know it is inappropriate and are relying on fear and intimidation to get away with it. They need to be prosecuted and that requires woman to stand up and say no, i'm not allowing this, and finally it's starting to happen. I'm not a particular fan of campaigns like are currently happening because they always tend to get hijacked, but at this point women do need encouragement to speak out so it has to run its course. Men that respect woman have nothing to fear ... at least, not yet.

The only concession I will make is that I should clarify that not all men are like I described. But other than that we'll have to disagree. Most men do think that casual forms of harassment like banter, a casual grope, innuendos etc are not a biggie. Part of male gender stereotype is that they are supposed to be initiators when it comes to sexual contact and some are abusing it or or are **** at it.
edited to add:
stuff in court, police investigation like Vicky mentioned, imo, confirms my take on it. The uphill struggle for women to prove anything is another symptom of most men simply looking at the same facts differently.