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Braden · 13-02-2017, 12:31 AM

If George bloody Galloway can go in CBB, then Rupa Huq can too! She's a star in her own right.

Ross. · 13-02-2017, 12:34 AM

Justice for Rupa Huq

Shaun · 13-02-2017, 12:36 AM

If you rearrange her name you get Quahpur, which makes no sense, just like Braden casting her

MB. · 13-02-2017, 12:36 AM

What the Huq is going on here then

Braden · 13-02-2017, 12:41 AM

But Rupa Huq has a wikipedia page?

When will Caben-Albi Davis?

Shaun · 13-02-2017, 12:42 AM

When he spits on Grace Jones and overcomes his heroin addiction, OBVIOUSLY

Braden · 13-02-2017, 12:45 AM

Still can't get over the public not forgiving Natalia Kills and voting her out over a racist baby.

Black Dagger · 13-02-2017, 09:17 AM

Oh as if she hasn't done just as terrible things. The ****ing cow.

Braden · 13-02-2017, 09:22 AM

She is a ****ing cow. I'm happy it happened.

Braden · 13-02-2017, 03:43 PM

Jesus Christ, this is too much work and effort for me. I'll leave it to you guys

MB. · 13-02-2017, 04:43 PM

Poor Rupa Huq

But all is not lost, for the cast for CBB29 has been leaked by an unnamed source, who for the purposes of anonymity we shall call Mr. P. Hilton. No, wait, that's too obvious. Let's call him Perez H. There, that should do...

Spoiler:

Braden · 13-02-2017, 04:59 PM

Spoiler:

LukeB · 13-02-2017, 05:03 PM

Big Brother UK:Towie Chicks (I was bored)

Table

Spoiler:

Placements

Spoiler:

MB. · 13-02-2017, 05:04 PM

Not Pat coming fourth from beyond the grave

MB. · 13-02-2017, 05:05 PM

(hey, if it's good enough for Gyles Brandreth)

MB. · 13-02-2017, 06:53 PM

I present to you:

Celebrity Big Brother 29: Yes, We've Had More Comebacks Than Cher

Let's see how much we can fuck this up, then, shall we:

Week One

[The Dell'Olio will permeate everything eventually, we'd better just get used to it]

Nominations:

Spoiler:

Nominated - Tracey, Jamie & Johnny
No nominations - Bupsi & Bruno
Evicted - Johnny Robinson (44.7%)
[ROBBED]

Week Two

[bloody hell Susanna]

Nominations:

Spoiler:

Nominated - James, Bianca & Bodybag
No nominations - Jamie & Phil
Evicted - Bianca Jagger (49.81%)
[okay, let's stop joking around Mr Brantsteele, we want a decent boot order here]

Week Three

[Spoiler: Arlene was right. Loyd wasn't even thinking of the right Work. He was thinking of the Kelly Rowland one, the fool.]

Nominations:

Spoiler:

Nominated - Macy, Afroman, Kimora, Arlene, Rik & Paula
No nominations - none!
Evicted - Arlene Phillips (23.98%)
[Guess the public sided with Loyd on the Work thing]

Week Four

[Loyd Grossman, it could be said that you and I do not... Bombay mix. Now, sashay away]

Nominations:

Spoiler:

Nominated - Loyd, Macy & Victoria
No nominations - Phil, Jean Paul, Jamie & Tom
Evicted - Macy Gray (46.97%)
[ffs]

Week Five

[#Toyah4AS2]

Nominations:

Spoiler:

Nominated - Kimora & Loyd
No nominations - Victoria, Rik, Jamie & Bruno
Evicted - Kimora Lee Simmons (58.43%)
[I give up]

Week Six

[The thought of Bodybag getting dragged off by security <3]

Nominations:

Spoiler:

Nominated - Jean Paul, Paula & Loyd
No nominations - Jamie
Evicted - Jean Paul Gaultier (45.01%)
[WHAT IS THE POINT OF ANYTHING???]

Week Seven

[Oh god, not this again. The lyrics are WUH WUH WUH WUH SHMUMAMUMA WUH WUH WUH. It's not as if it's hard]

Nominations:

Spoiler:

Nominated - Tracey & Loyd
No nominations - Phil, Jamie & Bruno
Evicted - Tracey Emin (64.29%)
[FUCK THIS ACTUAL PIECE OF SHIT RIGHT IN THE PUSSY THIS INSTANCE] [this dumpster fire of a series, I mean, not Tracey Emin]

Week Eight

[And what a day that was]

Nominations:

Spoiler:

Nominated - Loyd, Victoria, Rik & Afroman
No nominations - Jamie & Bodybag
Evicted - Afroman (41.53%)
[eh]

Week Nine

[Erm, when she sings How Far I'll Go, it isn't about whether or not she'll let Loyd Grossman stick his smelly dong in her. STOP BANGING MOANA, PEOPLE]

Nominations:

Spoiler:

Nominated - Rupa & Victoria
No nominations - none lol
Evicted - Rupa Huq (72.69%)
[This is actually making me sad now]

Week Ten

[shrug]

Nominations:

Spoiler:

Nominated - Tom & James
No nominations - Jamie, Bupsi & Bruno
Evicted - Tom Sizemore (64.51%)

Week Eleven

[You and me both, Paula. You and me both. Oh and yes, Loyd's event here is the punchline to all those 'famous BB rows' tasks you've seen already, in case you were wondering]

Nominations:

Spoiler:

Nominated - James, Phil & Loyd
No nominations - Paula, Jamie, Bupsi & Bruno
Evicted - Phil Daniels (39.73%)
[That's (park)life]

Week Twelve

[Bruno Tonioli being the saviour of real music <3]

Nominations:

Spoiler:

Nominated - Victoria, Loyd, James & Bodybag
No nominations - Rik, Jamie, Bupsi & Bruno
Evicted - Loyd Grossman (34.51%)

Week Thirteen

[Given Italy's stance in World War II, I could probably believe Bruno's motto there]

Nominations:

Spoiler:

Nominated - James & Bodybag
No nominations - Victoria & Bupsi
Evicted - James Hewitt (55.29%)
[bye Felicia!]

Week Fourteen

[Not entirely sure that's what happened in CBB5, but hey, go ahead]

Nominations:

Spoiler:

Nominated - Rik & Bodybag
No nominations - Jamie & Bruno
Evicted - Helen "Bodybag" Fraser (79.17%)
[ROBBED]

Week Fifteen

[MB., as on the pulse with his pop culture references as ever]

Nominations:

Spoiler:

Nominated - Rik & Jamie
No nominations - Bupsi
Evicted - Jamie Laing (71.83%)
[That's what you get for having so few nominations this series, bitch]

Week Sixteen

[Well, Bupsi is the most beautiful woman on the planet after all]

Nominations:

Spoiler:

Nominated - Rik & Victoria
No nominations - Paula
Evicted - Victoria Silvstedt

(54%)
[Now go rule Norway like you were supposed to]

Final Week

[Imagine sharing your story about how a meeting with Ken Dodd led you to Boko Haram and only afterwards finding out that somebody else told the same story weeks ago. Poor thing must be gutted]

Nominations:

Spoiler:

Nominated - Bupsi, Rik & Bruno
Evicted - Bruno Tonioli (79.75%)
[I'mma go out on a limb and guess that it was his declaration of support for the Nazis that did it]

Finale

*a nation rallies around Bupsi, mainly because they want to spite Kizzy and LT but also because Rik's lesbian grandma character was really, really unfunny*

The series is saved!

Placements:

Spoiler:

Stats:

Spoiler:

(phew)

MB. · 13-02-2017, 07:02 PM

fyi, the least popular event was Tom wanking over a blurry picture of Ian Paisley on his Nokia 3310, in case you were wondering where the viewers' interests lie nowadays

Braden · 13-02-2017, 07:05 PM

Rupa being a bore throughout the highlights

At least Bupsi is a saviour though <333

Shaun · 13-02-2017, 07:57 PM

I cannot tell you how many times I've been disappointed in Bruno Tonioli's antisemitism.

Also, Lord Lucan? The only way that could've been more outdated was if it were the Lindbergh baby. Good god, MB.

Thankfully none of these 20 feature in my proposed next cast (but then that's because I've only properly thought of six so far. I'm trying to feature more young housemates. Since I'm fairly sure Iris Apfel winning Allstars at the age of 100 (exactly! Congrats hun) isn't too likely.)

Braden · 13-02-2017, 07:59 PM

Can't wait for Jamelia to win the next one

Shaun · 13-02-2017, 08:02 PM

Oh I've been reluctant to cast her since she's featured in probably three 'HM events' over my tenure - Cesar Millan's Beware of the Dog best bits <3 - but I suppose she should succumb to financial insecurity and finally agree to take part at one point.

I have so far allowed a couple of oldies though. Namely: Dame Edna and Harvey Fierstein.