[ChristmasNeeve]

Originally Posted by Vicky.

I would tell my friend. No question about it.

Was actually semi-in this situation a couple of years ago. But instead of friends in the scenario...it was my parents :S

Oh **** What did you do?

[Vicky.]

Originally Posted by Niamh.

Oh **** What did you do?

I told my dad in the end. Was such an awful situation to be in though. My mother told me when she was really drunk that she was seeing someone else and had been for a while...

My dad couldnt believe she had put me in that situation. They split up over it (yet remained married as the had already been divorced once when we were kids), she moved out and I thought she would hate me for it...but I'm to this day not even sure he told her it had come from me because she never once mentioned it to me after that and didnt seem weird with me or anything.

I had to tell him though, I have always been closer to my dad and i couldnt stand the thought of her taking the piss out of him. As it turned out, they werent getting on much anyway and it was the straw that broke the camels back.

They only just got back together recently when she found out she had cancer, because she needed someone with her a lot and he was spending more time at her house than at home with my brother. They seem a lot happier now

[ChristmasNeeve]

Originally Posted by Vicky.

I told my dad in the end. Was such an awful situation to be in though. My mother told me when she was really drunk that she was seeing someone else and had been for a while...

My dad couldnt believe she had put me in that situation. They split up over it (yet remained married as the had already been divorced once when we were kids), she moved out and I thought she would hate me for it...but I'm to this day not even sure he told her it had come from me because she never once mentioned it to me after that and didnt seem weird with me or anything.

I had to tell him though, I have always been closer to my dad and i couldnt stand the thought of her taking the piss out of him. As it turned out, they werent getting on much anyway and it was the straw that broke the camels back.

They only just got back together recently when she found out she had cancer, because she needed someone with her a lot and he was spending more time at her house than at home with my brother. They seem a lot happier now

Wow, that was a really ****ty position to be in, sounds like you did the right thing though

[Vicky.]

Originally Posted by Niamh.

Wow, that was a really ****ty position to be in, sounds like you did the right thing though

Took me ages to decide what to do, in the end gav told me to just 'tell your ****ing dad' because it was really getting me down and I was taking it out on him

[Kazanne]

Originally Posted by Ammi

Your best friend is about to get married. The ceremony will be performed in one hour, but you have seen, just before coming to the wedding, that your friend’s fiancee has been having an affair. If your friend marries this woman, she is unlikely to be faithful, but on the other hand, if you tell your friend about the affair, you will ruin his wedding. Would you, or would you not, tell your friend of the affair?

Ammi,I cannot believe what I have just read,I mean REALLY !!,I was thinking about a question to post on TIBB and I kid you not it was on the same lines as this as I thought it would be quite a dilema for us with our best friends,it is just so weird I look at the thread and you've posted it,maybe it's just that great minds think alike,lol,and as for the question I really do not know what I would do,I'de probably plump for him finding out himself.Oh cripes not sure,I might HAVE to tell him

[The Human Santapede]

I would tell my friend. Better to have their heartbroken now then have their heart broken later, get divorced and end up losing money etc. to the other person in the divorce settlement.

[Ammi]

Originally Posted by kazanne

Ammi,I cannot believe what I have just read,I mean REALLY !!,I was thinking about a question to post on TIBB and I kid you not it was on the same lines as this as I thought it would be quite a dilema for us with our best friends,it is just so weird I look at the thread and you've posted it,maybe it's just that great minds think alike,lol,and as for the question I really do not know what I would do,I'de probably plump for him finding out himself.Oh cripes not sure,I might HAVE to tell him

LOL..when I started to read your post I thought you were talking about me not telling the friend..but yes..great minds

I feel as though I've got to justify myself here for seeming such a cr*p friend..but the thing is because we're all of dirrenet ages and have different experiences..that's going to effect how we view things. I am someone who very much lives by 'associations'..to things that have happened in the past..and I have been in quite a few situations where I have been aware of things which I know could destroy someone I cared about..and I haven't told them..couldn't bear to..and on everyone of those occassions everything has turned out well..without me doing it..and them not getting hurt. So I guess that's what rules how I think on this...but if it had of been the opposite..I hadn't told someone something and everything was turned out worse because of it..then I would be saying the opposite.
Does that make sense Kazanne..?

[Merry Mockmas]

I would tell my best friend of the affair otherwise I wouldn't be a very good friend.

[Black Dagger]

I've torn apart relationships in the past.

This would be easy.

[Kizzy]

I actually did this, a collegue was shopping for wedding shoes when I told her...The wedding was called off, she thanked me for telling her. She met a lovely fella a couple of years later and now has twins

[Livia]

I would tell the fiancée that the game is up, and they'd better make sure their health insurance is up to date.

[Pyramid*]

My honest answer here would be keep out of it.

If it was something that happend in the past as you've now said, rather than it happening just the night before (which is sort of what the original post sounded like - orvice versa), especially if it was over, done and dusted: unless you knew all the facts - from all sides -his and hers - there are all sorts of things that could come into play that you know nothing about.

He could have had the 'affair' during a time when they had been taking a 'quiet relationship break', with no one really knowing they were on a break - and he would technically have done nothing wrong.

It could have happened during a argument and it was a mistake that he will live with for the rest of his life, on his own conscience - and he realised that she in fact, was the best thing that ever happened to him (the bride to be I mean) - and you getting involved could totally destroy that.

She too could have had some fling along the lines and no one found out about it, apart from him - and perhaps this was his 'payback'.

Personally unless 'you' (using the tern 'you' as in the 'friend') were in a position to know every single iota of information from both sides: I'd say you'd might be getting involved in something that you shouldn't.

I do understand wanting to not let your friend be treated like an idiot by this 'guy' - but unless you know that without a shadow of a doubt - I think it's better to keep out of it.


Edit: replaces the genders...... took a 2nd reading through to realise the friend is male and the 'supposed cheater' is the bride to be.

[Kazanne]

Originally Posted by Ammi

LOL..when I started to read your post I thought you were talking about me not telling the friend..but yes..great minds

I feel as though I've got to justify myself here for seeming such a cr*p friend..but the thing is because we're all of dirrenet ages and have different experiences..that's going to effect how we view things. I am someone who very much lives by 'associations'..to things that have happened in the past..and I have been in quite a few situations where I have been aware of things which I know could destroy someone I cared about..and I haven't told them..couldn't bear to..and on everyone of those occassions everything has turned out well..without me doing it..and them not getting hurt. So I guess that's what rules how I think on this...but if it had of been the opposite..I hadn't told someone something and everything was turned out worse because of it..then I would be saying the opposite.
Does that make sense Kazanne..?

Yes Ammi,sometimes it's best just to let things sort themselves out.

[Ramsay]

of course i'd tell them..couldnt stand there at the wedding and watch them get married knowing that

[Pyramid*]

Originally Posted by Ammi

Your best friend is about to get married. The ceremony will be performed in one hour, but you have seen, just before coming to the wedding, that your friend’s fiancee has been having an affair. If your friend marries this woman, she is unlikely to be faithful, but on the other hand, if you tell your friend about the affair, you will ruin his wedding. Would you, or would you not, tell your friend of the affair?

Originally Posted by Ammi

I don't know whether I would tell them..I very much doubt one hour before the wedding that they would listen anyway and all it would do is make me the enemy..and they would really need friends more than ever. And I know that may make people question whther I was a true friend..but this could have been a one off and I wouldn't know how accurate the facts were or any circumstances..so there's nothing to say they wouldn't go on to have a very happy marriage.

Originally Posted by Ammi

..yeah sorry what I meant was it could be over..in the past..and she's made her choice
..I do agree with MTVN though..if I were to say anything it would be to her..but I think she should be the one to tell him..and I think she's the only one he would listen to

Originally Posted by Ammi

..I would want to know too..but I'm not sure it would make any difference to me actually marrying the person..not an hour before the wedding..it would if I found out earlier and I'd had time to confirm it myself..but I would be so in love..I'm not sure I would believe it..not straight away..but it would certainly plant some seeds and the marriage wouldn't start off good..suspicion and trust..and maybe if I hadn't have been told..the affair could have ended and I could be very happy in the marriage..I don't know..it is a hard one..I've just never been any good at telling friends what I know will hurt them..and I know by not telling them it's hurting them too..but I don't know..I think I'd do what MTVN said...talk to her and tell her she must tell him..or let her walk away from the wedding

Originally Posted by Ammi

Oh lol....I don't think I'm going to get asked to any now..I'm the worst friend in the world
...I just don't think I could tell anyone that when they're so in love and an hour away from marrying the girl of their dreams..and maybe she's a reformed woman and will be faithful for the rest of her life ..and they'll be incredibly happy..and have beautiful children
..see how I'm trying here

See the bits I've highlighted.

Far too many assumptions going on here for my liking and jumping to conclusions.

there are far too many ifs, buts, coulds, maybes in all of this.

Besides which: if this all went on in the past - why on earth would you want to leave it to the very last minute to reveal all to your friend (male I now realise) - especially when you are saying in all of the above: you have no hard facts?

[Mrluvaluva]

I think most people would try and collate as much information they possibly could about the situation within the time they had available (only an hour), and talk to their friends fiancee if that was viable. It would be a matter of telling them what you are aware of, and then leaving them to act as they saw fit. You can only advise them of what you are aware of.

Later down the line, if things go wrong and it comes to light that you knew about the affair, you may not be forgiven so easily and instead be resented by them.

The closeness of your relationship with your friend, and your understanding of how they feel about things would be a deciding factor in how to treat the situation hopefully.

[GypsyGoth]

Apart from on tibb, I don't have any guy friends. So I'm not sure.

I guess I'd wait till the priest says that part about any objections.

Responsibility to my friend, means that I couldn't let them get married like that. I'd hate myself forever.

Do unto others as you would have them do unto you. I'd want to be told.

My sisters friend went to a massive wedding as a +1, and during the speeches, the groom told everyone to pick off the envelope from under their chairs, and it was a picture of his now wife, with his best man.

Apparently he'd gone through with the whole thing, planning for this moment of revenge.

It's genius, but it would take some serious guts.

[Mrluvaluva]

Why did he go through with the wedding though?

[Pyramid*]

Originally Posted by Mrluvaluva

I think most people would try and collate as much information they possibly could about the situation within the time they had available (only an hour), and talk to their friends fiancee if that was viable. It would be a matter of telling them what you are aware of, and then leaving them to act as they saw fit. You can only advise them of what you are aware of.

Later down the line, if things go wrong and it comes to light that you knew about the affair, you may not be forgiven so easily and instead be resented by them.

The closeness of your relationship with your friend, and your understanding of how they feel about things would be a deciding factor in how to treat the situation hopefully.

The 'bit' I am not quite understanding though is this part

Your best friend is about to get married. The ceremony will be performed in one hour, but you have seen, just before coming to the wedding, that your friend’s fiancee has been having an affair.

Ammi. I am confused When you say that an hour before the ceremony, you have seen your friends fiancee has been having an affair: what exactly do you mean by that? Did you see the fiancee in a clincher with someone? How do you know it was an affair? Did you see them having sex?

Then there is reference to it being in the past, or could have been in the past? How well do you actually know the fiancee, that you would know about 'her past behaviour' but not have spoken to your male friend about his fiancee long before wedding bells chimed?

Sorry, I'm just not getting the gist of this?

[Livia]

It's just a moral dilemma question, like the dozen or so Lily posted recently. Just a "what would you do" scenario.

Originally Posted by Mrluvaluva

Why did he go through with the wedding though?

To shame the bride in front of all the guests, and her family. The wedding was massive and paid for by her father. It would have cost him a small fortune.

[Pyramid*]

Originally Posted by Livia

It's just a moral dilemma question, like the dozen or so Lily posted recently. Just a "what would you do" scenario.

It doesn't come across that way though.

It comes across as though this is a moral dilemma that Ammi has personally given her choice of wording throughout all of the posts - there are personal references rather than 'generalisation' - which is why I'm commenting.

If it's all theoretical: regardless: my responses would remain the same.

[Livia]

I think the scenario's just developed, is all.

[Mrluvaluva]

We'll have enough for a whole film script soon.