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Cherie · 25-03-2014, 12:14 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by the truth

he contacted us via an adoption agency , hes 50 odd....he has the same father as me, different mother....I think he was given up for adoption when he was born...I dont know the exact reasons why as my dad isnt with us anymore. I know almost nothing about him, other than the are of the country in which he now lives. there could be children galore, I just dont know. not sure what to do to be honest

If it were me I would want to meet him, he is obviously curious about his past. Turning 50 may have been a bit of a milestone for him/

the truth · 25-03-2014, 12:47 PM

I only found out in the past few days so im trying to come to terms with it....I cant imagine how it would feel for him though? so many unquantifiables at this stage.....

Cherie · 25-03-2014, 01:07 PM

You have had a few people reply to you who are adopted and have had no issues with their lives and do not wish to know their birth family though that may change in the future, you can't really second guess this, he may not have any issues at all, he may just have had a grandchild and it has prompted him to find out more about his birth family. The only thing you can be sure of is that he has gone to the trouble to find you so he wishes to get in touch. It doesn't have to be in person at first, you could write/email him if you feel you couldn't go through with meeting him in person

Kyle · 25-03-2014, 01:11 PM

If he wants to meet you and you can go for it I think it would be a good thing. I think you can only benefit out of this.

Cherie · 25-03-2014, 01:31 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Kyle

If he wants to meet you and you can go for it I think it would be a good thing. I think you can only benefit out of this.

I agree, at any rate thetruth you have nothing to lose. I appreciate it must be a hugh shock though.

Kyle · 25-03-2014, 01:38 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Cherie

I agree, at any rate thetruth you have nothing to lose. I appreciate it must be a hugh shock though.

Yup. I think once the initial shock wears off it will be a lot clearer for him to come to a conclusion of where to go from here.

Seems like the other guy has gone out of his way to open some sort of contact with you truth, please consider that when you make your decision.

Ammi · 25-03-2014, 01:39 PM

..I think it’s all what you personally want truth, do you want to meet him..no expectations etc or anything beyond that, just to meet him..?..he’s obviously contacted the adoption agency..so he’s made his decision that he wants to trace/meet any biological siblings but that decision is only a part of it, you also have to want the same for it to happen...maybe don’t make a decision just yet, because it’s all a bit of a shock and new to you atm, your mind must be whirling with thoughts..take time to think about it all..?...

x-evenstar-x · 25-03-2014, 04:57 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by the truth

who is in his 50s? how on earth does one deal with that?

it seems he was adopted straight from birth but I don't know a great deal more

any advice ? experiences?

I meet my sister just a couple years ago, she is my half sister. At first it's was a bit rocky but it's good now! I'm so glad I got to meet her.

What harm can happen in meeting them?

Kizzy · 25-03-2014, 07:36 PM

I have two half brothers from my dads first wife, we've never met but if they contacted me I would. I think he's very brave to have made the first move, he might just need a kidney but you never know?

the truth · 25-03-2014, 09:56 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Kizzy

I have two half brothers from my dads first wife, we've never met but if they contacted me I would. I think he's very brave to have made the first move, he might just need a kidney but you never know?

isnt that an episode of curb your enthusiasm? lol

Kizzy · 25-03-2014, 10:41 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by the truth

isnt that an episode of curb your enthusiasm? lol

No it's a new sitcom, Two men and a bitchtroll from hell.

Roy Mars III · 25-03-2014, 07:37 PM

depends, is he rich?

Vicky. · 25-03-2014, 10:14 PM

I would be far too curious to pass it up tbh

Nedusa · 26-03-2014, 07:41 AM

I am an adopted child and discovered I had four half brothers and a half sister. Really messes up your head, so yes I know where you are coming from on this one.

AnnieK · 26-03-2014, 07:44 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Nedusa

I am an adopted child and discovered I had four half brothers and a half sister. Really messes up your head, so yes I know where you are coming from on this one.

Have you ever been in contact with them or just know of their existence? I would be so curious I think - but that is very easy to say if you are not thrown into that situation.

Nedusa · 26-03-2014, 07:57 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by AnnieK

Have you ever been in contact with them or just know of their existence? I would be so curious I think - but that is very easy to say if you are not thrown into that situation.

Yes I have met them a few times but as they all live in Ireland it's difficult to meet up too often. My brother and I were adopted together as very young children but our natural mother went back to Ireland and married and had 5 children.

Nice to have more siblings but to call them family , is that a step too far ?

AnnieK · 26-03-2014, 08:05 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Nedusa

Yes I have met them a few times but as they all live in Ireland it's difficult to meet up too often. My brother and I were adopted together as very young children but our natural mother went back to Ireland and married and had 5 children.

Nice to have more siblings but to call them family , is that a step too far ?

I guess it goes down the nature/nurture debate. They are blood relatives but I would imagine (obviously just supposition) that you have a stronger bond with your adopted family??

It is romanticised I guess in movies and books where children are separated at birth and then find each other later in life but I guess the reality is somewhat different?

Nedusa · 26-03-2014, 08:14 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by AnnieK

I guess it goes down the nature/nurture debate. They are blood relatives but I would imagine (obviously just supposition) that you have a stronger bond with your adopted family??

It is romanticised I guess in movies and books where children are separated at birth and then find each other later in life but I guess the reality is somewhat different?

Yes I consider my adopted family my "family". And although we share the same Irish birth mother my half brothers and sister are more friends than family.

Ammi · 26-03-2014, 08:06 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Nedusa

Yes I have met them a few times but as they all live in Ireland it's difficult to meet up too often. My brother and I were adopted together as very young children but our natural mother went back to Ireland and married and had 5 children.

Nice to have more siblings but to call them family , is that a step too far ?

..kind of going off topic a bit, I watched Philomena the other night and it does bring home how awful it was for unmarried mothers in Ireland and the 'stigma' and not actually so long ago either and the whole Magdalene laundries etc...

Cherie · 26-03-2014, 08:53 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Nedusa

Yes I have met them a few times but as they all live in Ireland it's difficult to meet up too often. My brother and I were adopted together as very young children but our natural mother went back to Ireland and married and had 5 children.

Nice to have more siblings but to call them family , is that a step too far ?

who made contact with who?

Nedusa · 26-03-2014, 11:20 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Cherie

who made contact with who?

My brother got a letter from the Adoption agency from our birth mother asking for a meeting, we agreed to meet after some thought and met her ( birth mother) in the adoption agency . Emotional reunion and we have maintained friendly communication ever since. Met my half siblings over in Ireland , that was pretty strange too.

Beso · 26-03-2014, 12:08 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by the truth

who is in his 50s? how on earth does one deal with that?

it seems he was adopted straight from birth but I don't know a great deal more

any advice ? experiences?

Just go with it, no need to rush, but I feel excited for your future.

Beso · 26-03-2014, 12:09 PM

ignore that, I see what you are saying now.

It must be pretty hard to take and you must feel a bit upset at not knowing much much earlier. But well, he's still, ya brother, don't let it change anything.