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ThisisBigBrother.com - UK TV Forums > Non Big Brother Chat > Chat and Games > Mock's awful jokes thread.
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Old 26-11-2014, 08:08 PM #1
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Originally Posted by The Mockinator View Post
1. Guess what my Mom told me today because I headed East to the shops? She told me that I was going with the Fleur.

2. Are you gay? Yes I am. How come you look so miserable then? That's because I'm around you Pharrell Williams.

3. What does the Nintendo Wii need? U.

4. What does Gammon do for you? It puts it's life at Steak.
You're winning the 'Most Awful Jokes' title hands down so far Mock.
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Old 26-11-2014, 08:22 PM #2
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You're winning the 'Most Awful Jokes' title hands down so far Mock.
Thanks Kirk, I do feel that we're all putting in a great effort though.

1. What does Kirklancaster tell Lauren to do with her hair? Platt it.

2. What dating show would my Brother like to go on? The Ex Factor.

3. What do you say to a butcher when you're going out with his Daughter? Nice to meat you.

4. What's the common saying when Fishers catch Fish? The Fish fell for it hook, line, and sinker.

5. How do you feel about Luke? I don't know, but I feel a force within him.
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Old 26-11-2014, 08:41 PM #3
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Old 27-11-2014, 05:09 AM #4
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This may just turn out to be the funniest gag on this thread Scott.
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Old 27-11-2014, 12:08 AM #5
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What do people say about your penis? That it should be kept private.
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Old 27-11-2014, 02:28 AM #6
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Old 27-11-2014, 04:18 AM #7
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Slag Jokes.

What's the difference between Katie Hopkins and Mount Everest?

They know how many men's been up Mt Everest.
.........................

What's the difference between Katie Hopkins and The M1 Motorway?

One knackers your tyres and the other tires your knackers.
.................................

What's the difference between Katie Hopkins and A Cadbury's Creme Egg?

It costs more to lick a Cadbury's Creme Egg out.
................................

What's the difference between Katie Hopkins and a Kit Kat?

You only get 4 fingers in a Kit Kat.

.................................................. ............

What's the difference between Katie Hopkins and A Bucket of Shet?

The bucket.
...............................................
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Old 27-11-2014, 04:36 AM #8
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Gay Jokes

What do you call 2 Scottish gays?

Ben Doon and Phil McCavity.
.................................................. .

What do you call 2 Irish gays?

Michael Fitzpatricks and Patrick Fitzmichaels.

.................................................. ......................

What do you call 2 deaf gays?

Anything you want they can't hear you.
.................................................. .........

Two screaming 'Queens' meet on the street.

LuLu says: "Oooh FiFi I haven't seen you in ages. You look brown."

FiFi says: "I know. I've been on a safari holiday to Kenya."

Lulu says: "Ooh you lucky bitch. How did it go".

Fifi says: "How did it go? Don't ask me. The very last day I went for a walk on the edge of the jungle and a 20 stone gorilla jumped on me. He ripped my hotpants off, mounted me and had his wicked way with me for 6 hours."

LuLu says: "Oooh. Was you hurt?"

Fifi says: "Hurt? It's been 3 weeks. He hasn't written, he hasn't phoned."

................................................
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Old 27-11-2014, 06:51 PM #9
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Originally Posted by kirklancaster View Post
Two screaming 'Queens' meet on the street.

LuLu says: "Oooh FiFi I haven't seen you in ages. You look brown."

FiFi says: "I know. I've been on a safari holiday to Kenya."

Lulu says: "Ooh you lucky bitch. How did it go".

Fifi says: "How did it go? Don't ask me. The very last day I went for a walk on the edge of the jungle and a 20 stone gorilla jumped on me. He ripped my hotpants off, mounted me and had his wicked way with me for 6 hours."

LuLu says: "Oooh. Was you hurt?"

Fifi says: "Hurt? It's been 3 weeks. He hasn't written, he hasn't phoned."
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Old 27-11-2014, 08:08 PM #10
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Essex Schoolteacher looks down the aisle between the desks and sees schoolgirl Chantel squatting above a pool of pee.

"Chantel!" Teacher screams.

Chantel says: "I couldn't help it miss. I was proper bursting"

Teacher asks: "Why didn't you put your hand up?"

Chantel says: "I did Miss, but it trickled through my fingers."
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Old 27-11-2014, 08:12 PM #11
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Originally Posted by kirklancaster View Post
Two screaming 'Queens' meet on the street.

LuLu says: "Oooh FiFi I haven't seen you in ages. You look brown."

FiFi says: "I know. I've been on a safari holiday to Kenya."

Lulu says: "Ooh you lucky bitch. How did it go".

Fifi says: "How did it go? Don't ask me. The very last day I went for a walk on the edge of the jungle and a 20 stone gorilla jumped on me. He ripped my hotpants off, mounted me and had his wicked way with me for 6 hours."

LuLu says: "Oooh. Was you hurt?"

Fifi says: "Hurt? It's been 3 weeks. He hasn't written, he hasn't phoned."
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**** SAKE
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Old 27-11-2014, 04:52 AM #12
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1. What do people say about Baltimore? That crime is always on The Wire.

2. What rhymes with cooking? ****ing.

3. Do you know what my problem with golden brown is? It reminds me of The Stranglers.
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Old 27-11-2014, 10:02 AM #13
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1. What do people say about Baltimore? That crime is always on The Wire.

2. What rhymes with cooking? ****ing.

3. Do you know what my problem with golden brown is? It reminds me of The Stranglers.
They're getting more awful Mock but we need more - don't let this thread die.

Why do dogs lick their own balls?

Because they can.
...................................

Why did the chicken cross the road?

To get to the other side.

Why did the pervert cross the road?

He couldn't get his dick out of the chicken.
Last edited by kirklancaster; 27-11-2014 at 10:03 AM.
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Old 27-11-2014, 05:28 AM #14
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kirk lancaster and LT were sitting on a beach, kirk says 'It's nice out isn't it?'
LT says ' It is... I think I'll get mine out'
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Old 27-11-2014, 05:56 AM #15
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kirk lancaster and LT were sitting on a beach, kirk says 'It's nice out isn't it?'
LT says ' It is... I think I'll get mine out'


A coconut and goldfish for guessing correctly whose was the biggest.
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Old 27-11-2014, 10:28 AM #16
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knock knock
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Old 27-11-2014, 11:55 AM #17
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knock knock
Who's there?
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Old 27-11-2014, 12:47 PM #18
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Who's there?
ivdunup
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Old 27-11-2014, 02:38 PM #19
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ivdunup
Ivdunup who?
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Old 27-11-2014, 03:10 PM #20
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Ivdunup who?
say it quickly
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Old 27-11-2014, 02:53 PM #21
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Old 27-11-2014, 02:54 PM #22
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wtf


kirk had a wee accident
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Old 27-11-2014, 02:57 PM #23
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Just when i thought these jokes couldn't get anymore crap
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Old 27-11-2014, 03:49 PM #24
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Just when i thought these jokes couldn't get anymore crap
Hey my bonny son - I hope you don't think your old dad's jokes are crap?
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Old 27-11-2014, 03:58 PM #25
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Hey my bonny son - I hope you don't think your old dad's jokes are crap?
Your jokes have managed to save this thread from the disaster it was inevitably heading towards being, you should be proud
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