[Kazanne]

As an airplane is about to crash, a female passenger jumps up frantically and announces, "If I'm going to die, I want to die feeling like a woman."

She removes all her clothing and asks, "Is there someone on this plane who is man enough to make me feel like a woman?"

A man stands up, removes his shirt and says, "Here, iron this!".

[Kazanne]

There are four kinds of sex :

HOUSE SEX - When you are newly married and have sex all over the house in every room.

BEDROOM SEX - After you have been married for a while, you only have sex in the bedroom.

HALL SEX - After you've been married for many, many years you just pass each other in the hall and say "**** YOU"

COURTROOM SEX - When your wife and her lawyer **** you in the divorce court in front of many people for every penny you've got.

[Benjamin]

A young guy drops off his girlfriend at her home after being out together on a date. When they reach the front door he leans up against the house with one hand and says to her, "How about a blowjob?"

"What! Are you crazy!"

"Don't worry, it will be quick," he ensures his girlfriend.

"No! Someone might see us..."

"It's just a small blowjob," he insists, "and I know you like it."

"No! I said no!"

"Baby... don't be like that."

Suddenly, the girl's younger sister shows up at the door in her nightgown, with her hair a mess, and rubbing her eyes. She looks at them and smirks, "Dad says either you blow him, I blow him, or he'll come downstairs and blow the guy himself... but for God's sake tell your boyfriend to take his hand off the intercom."

[Joelle.]

Just finished watching Schindler's List.

Wouldn't recommend it, and I don't agree with the quote on the box, "have a box of Kleenex handy".

It was rubbish, I only used two and that was during the shower scene. *

[Ithinkiloveyoutoo]

"I'm on a diet" one says
"On you're on a sea food diet" the other replies jokingly
"No I'm on a diet, going to eat healthy from tomorrow"
"Get it see-food. You see food you eat it, diet " ......nice one init?

[LemonJam]

via http://badkidsjokes.tumblr.com/

2 pigs are eating food
one pig eats to much and he throws up
the other one says don’t make more we are not going to eat it all.

I shouldn't find these as hilarious as I do.

[Ammi]

..I think I've posted this joke before but it's still one of my favourites..(I only know 2 jokes..)..and yeah, a child told me it...

Why did the elephant fall out of the tree..?..

Spoiler:

because it was dead

Why did the second elephant fall out of the tree..?..

Spoiler:

it was glued to the first elephant

Why did the third elephant fall out of the tree..?

Spoiler:

it thought it was a game

Why did the tree fall down..?...

Spoiler:

it thought it was an elephant

[Ithinkiloveyoutoo]

[kirklancaster]

What do you call a Spanish Golfer with no pubic hair?



Severe BallackHairLoss

[kirklancaster]

What do you call 2 German guys clinging to the wall above a window?


Kurt 'n' Rod.

[Ithinkiloveyoutoo]

[Benjamin]

The blonde walks into a drugstore and asks the pharmacist for some bottom deodorant. The pharmacist, a little bemused, explains to the woman that they don''t sell anything called bottom deodorant, and never have. Unfazed, the blonde assures him that she has been buying the stuff from this store on a regular basis, and would like some more. "I''m sorry," says the pharmacist, "we don''t have any."

"But I always get it here," says the blonde.

"Do you have the container it comes in?"

"Yes!" says the blonde, "I will go and get it."

She returns with the container and hands it to the pharmacist, who looks at it and says to her, "This is just a normal stick of underarm deodorant."

The annoyed blonde snatches the container back and reads out loud from the container: "To apply, push up bottom."

[Black Dagger]

I want a joke Ben, not an essay.

[Benjamin]

Originally Posted by Black Dagger

I want a joke Ben, not an essay.

Oh, sorry. Try looking in the mirror then.

[Black Dagger]

Originally Posted by Ben

Oh, sorry. Try looking in the mirror then.

i wish i had your wit.

[Ithinkiloveyoutoo]

There was a murder and an investigation. When the cops arrived at the house they found a man in a bathtub full of milk and banana stuck up his butt. The cop said he must have been a ce-real killer.

[Benjamin]

Originally Posted by Black Dagger

i wish i had your wit.

[Ithinkiloveyoutoo]

Originally Posted by Black Dagger

I want a joke Ben, not an essay.

He says 8 months later after the thread is revived. There is the joke too.

[Kyle]

What's the definition of trust?

Two cannibals giving each other a blow job

[Crimson Dynamo]

What's an Irish seven-course meal?

A six pack and a potato.

[Marsh.]

What do you call a coke without the c and with a j?

A joke.

[-Sue-]

Q:What is the definition of male foreplay?
A: you awake

[T*]

Benjamin

[Fetch The Bolt Cutters]

??

[-Sue-]

dr tells me to bring a wee sample from mid stream - you should have seen the looks i was getting from the fishermen me standing in the middle of the stream in my wellies trying to have a wee