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Black Dagger · 22-07-2015, 08:25 PM

I am absolutely laying into Luke don't worry x

Daniel-X · 22-07-2015, 08:27 PM

Arron was dreadful

reece(: · 22-07-2015, 08:30 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Jack_

omg @ me turning into the truth oop

Not you stanning these misogynists

Jake. · 22-07-2015, 08:30 PM

Aden Theobald
Big Brother 12 (10th Place)

Is Aden voting to save himself in the picture above? It would not come as a surprise. Aden didn't exactly make for riveting television: he merged into a pretty forgettable set of males on launch night, had his golden swimsuit/immunity taken away, had a fling with Rebeckah (with which she constantly looked mortified) and said yes to ignoring her in a task. Go you, Aden!

He somehow managed to survive the week 3 eviction with half a percent more than Heaven (great choice, people). He left two weeks later.

The end.

EspeonBB · 22-07-2015, 08:31 PM

Yes @ all these trashy people getting cut. Thanks everyone

MB. · 22-07-2015, 08:31 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by MB.

242nd. Kimberly Kisselovich (BB15)

RUN:// KIMBOT WRITE-UP

Cast your minds back to June 2014. A simpler time, when American boob model Kimberly “Kimberly “Kimbot” Nyitray” Kisselovich entered the Big Brother house and immediately sort of snatched everyone’s wigs with her cold, sarky, not-one-damn-given-Botox-may-have-been-involved persona. She pretty much breezed through the early stages, often being righteous, funny or both, offering a helping hand to the ‘good’ housemates (was there or was there not an alliance involving her and Danielle? Imagine that lasting), shutting down the awful ones and kinda becoming this generation’s Germaine Greer in the process (thank god Marlon’s already been eliminated from this ranking) and generally being a breath of fresh air in the form of a Playboy bunny. Could this be our new third place goddess, or perhaps our first ever American/artificial intelligence winner?

Well as anyone who’s watched past, say, Day 12 of BB15 will tell you, no. Because it turned out we were all wrong about Kimbot all along and she was in fact an emotionless humanoid bred to inflict tedium and Steven Goode-shaped babies on the nation. Aside from her growing closeness to the ‘cool gang’ of the house, Kimberly really began to unravel (or whatever the robotic equivalent is. Malfunction? No, that came later) during the séance task, which killed one potentially good housemate dead in their tracks and birthed another. Yes, you didn’t think I’d get 200 words through this write-up without mentioning Ashleigh, did you? Oh boy no. In circumstances that I can’t quite remember considering all tasks from BB15 onwards blend into one giant, disease-ridden pile, she took Kimbot down several pegs during that task, probably far enough down to be on Steven’s level. And we all know how that ended.

Yes, in an attempt to replicate human emotions that went horribly, horribly wrong, Kimbot made the mistake of trying to mate with Steven “Ironic Surname” Goode, spawning a multitude of hashtags and crowd chants and sharp increases in sales of brain bleach along the way. Basically they shagged lol. And Steven’s attempts to impregnate Kimbot weren’t the early things that ended in disaster regarding their relationship: if you’ve forgotten (I envy you if you have), Steven sort of turned out to be the boyfriend from hell and demanded that Kimbot destroy pictures of her ex and do all these other terribly psychopathic things and I’m not really going to much detail at all with this write-up but only because I wouldn’t be able to afford the therapy costs and then one day she managed to escape when Steven had accidentally left the cellar door open and that was Kimbot. The circumstances regarding her departure still seem very creepy to me (and not just because we lost Danielle instead), what with the whole going-on-BOTS-a-week-afterwards-with-a-pillow-up-your-dress thing and the whole it-isn’t-even-possible-to-have-an-ectopic-pregnancy-that-soon-is-it thing and the whole Steven-replacing-her-with-a-literal-robot so I won’t delve too far into those either, but what I will say is that they’re now married (like, she consented and everything. Really. I know), is facing deportation, and has the worst lips in the history of lips. Like, it did seem to me that she (as with most of the cast) was keen on using Big Brother as a platform to become a celebrity, I just didn’t think that the celebrity in question would be Leslie Ash.

Kimbot’s tale is a sad one, not just because she’s legally part of the Goode clan and now has to go with them on their Sunday spa trips, but because she could have been a classic housemate. Yet all she got out of Big Brother was an irritating husband and the face of a duck. #poorkim

Postscript: NYITRAY?!?!

I'm saving Joel because I enjoy seeing people suffer.

So there

Pete. · 22-07-2015, 08:34 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Petemitch

Mikey Dalton

Only a few things really spring to mind when you think of the enigma that was Mikey. The first impression the viewers got from Mikey's VT was that he was a sexist pig but this role was filled by Sleazy Sezer instead so he faded into the background for a couple of weeks until Grace took pity on him and threw him a storyline (and ironically formed one of the romances BBUK has produced).

The few times Mikey actually spoke it was because he was shouting at someone. His arch nemesis was Richard of course and attacked him first in Week 2 when he overheard Richard bitching about Imogen while Mikey and Glyn were doing their times tables - something Richard Brand was keen to repeat in jest on Big Mouth. There came a stage where they would argue every Thursday evening and Mikey would usually start it. He also famously fumed at Nikki for stealing her beer as well as with Jennie (but she destroyed his sexist ass several times - queen).

Mikey's downfall came though when he randomly fought with Glyn (his supposed best friend) and he was evicted to crippling boos over Mutha Susie. Justification in the highest order.

Ironically I save King Richard

Done

Pete. · 22-07-2015, 08:34 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by _LucasMichael_

I am absolutely laying into Luke don't worry x

I'm ready

Jack_ · 22-07-2015, 08:35 PM

Kimbot's only purpose was to propel Steven to underrated legend status, giving him (and her, ironically) a purpose and providing us with one of the best quotes of a generation <3

Best BBUK showmance bar none

Jack_ · 22-07-2015, 08:36 PM

I'm assuming you chose the Vernon picture intentionally?

Pete. · 22-07-2015, 08:37 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Daniel-X

She's 100 times better than Brian Dowling but Emma is the best imo

At least Davina has a personality (no shade to Emma but she's very rehearsed)

Pete. · 22-07-2015, 08:37 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Jack_

Kimbot's only purpose was to propel Steven to underrated legend status, giving him (and her, ironically) a purpose and providing us with one of the best quotes of a generation <3

Best BBUK showmance bar none

Reported for trolling

Daniel-X · 22-07-2015, 08:38 PM

Who's left to do write ups now Reece and Daniel_?

Daniel-X · 22-07-2015, 08:38 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Jack_

Kimbot's only purpose was to propel Steven to underrated legend status, giving him (and her, ironically) a purpose and providing us with one of the best quotes of a generation <3

Best BBUK showmance bar none

Is this a joke?

Daniel. · 22-07-2015, 08:38 PM

I've done mine

Black Dagger · 22-07-2015, 08:39 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by _LucasMichael_

Evict Luke, save Siavash

Right. I hope you are all perched for this because this is going to be quite the write-up after making no effort on the nothingness of Billi Bhatti, who happens to be a friend of this tedious human being who would have thought it? So yes I intend to finally be harsh in this game because I actually get to go for such a worthless human being who could manage to find bad in the sweetest of people and put his goods into such utter creatures. Luke went in as one of my favourites due to his pro wrestling background, TIBB knows I have a bias for those sort of characters. This love was soon diminished when he turned on goddess Rice and began a hate vendetta alongside a whole heap of a **** who were soon rightly disposed off. He wasn't long after ridding us of such a stence that was so negative and miserable. When he wasn't a miserable wanker he saw the wrong in Greedy Mo for dare being annoyed at being spat on and made me want to douse myself in bleach every show he sucked at the face of that rancid whale. There isn't a lot of pleasantness in this man and his "ooh I bet Bex only got 33%" will remain iconic as he was soon rid of in a similar fate himself with 9 people facing: the chop. He did return sadly and had the nerve of hijacking Rachel's winning interview but was rightly put in place. He did once again disappear however...

BBBOTS producers soon developed a hard_on for him and we once again can't get rid of the squeaky ****. When will they learn that he is not a big brother ****ing voice whose opinions we need to hear and realise his only contribution in life was spunking into a woman who shoves dildos up her fanny for 10 quid a night for horny old gentlemen whose wives can't pleasure them anymore. Good riddance you hideous high pitched knob.

I save Siavash, but regrettably as I wish I saw Freddie in the list sooner.