[thesheriff443]

I think some people treat marriage or relationships like jobs
They don't leave one until they got another one lined up.

[user104658]

Just to throw a spanner in everyone's works;

What if it isn't cheating?

[Niamh.]

Originally Posted by Toy Soldier

Just to throw a spanner in everyone's works;

What if it isn't cheating?

Like if it were an open relationship? I'm sure that excuse is used alot But for me, even if it were a genuine open relationship, I don't share and am not into open relationships so it would be a no from me

[user104658]

Originally Posted by Niamh.

Like if it were an open relationship? I'm sure that excuse is used alot But for me, even if it were a genuine open relationship, I don't share and am not into open relationships so it would be a no from me

Out of interest on that point though, where is the "line" though or where should it be? Everyone seems to be different, even if you're talking platonic relationships... Some people are OK with their partner having deep connections with others regardless of gender (which should be irrelevant in a platonic friendship really) but I know a lot of people who simply don't like to think of their partner having deep / complex personal relationships with other people even of the purely non-sexual variety. Is it / should it be a problem? Is it purely down to insecurity? I think often people have trust issues and assume that there "must" be more to it.

[Niamh.]

Originally Posted by Toy Soldier

Out of interest on that point though, where is the "line" though or where should it be? Everyone seems to be different, even if you're talking platonic relationships... Some people are OK with their partner having deep connections with others regardless of gender (which should be irrelevant in a platonic friendship really) but I know a lot of people who simply don't like to think of their partner having deep / complex personal relationships with other people even of the purely non-sexual variety. Is it / should it be a problem? Is it purely down to insecurity? I think often people have trust issues and assume that there "must" be more to it.

I don't know, Gav doesn't have any close female friends besides his sister and I don't have any close male friends besides my brothers so it's never been an issue for us. I do think alot of people would find it difficult to have a purely platonic relationship with the opposite sex though, from what I've experienced usually atleast one of the parties involved fancies the other

[user104658]

Originally Posted by Niamh.

I don't know, Gav doesn't have any close female friends besides his sister and I don't have any close male friends besides my brothers so it's never been an issue for us. I do think alot of people would find it difficult to have a purely platonic relationship with the opposite sex though, from what I've experienced usually atleast one of the parties involved fancies the other

So its the "when Harry met Sally" question then (I think it's Harry that insists men and women can't be just friends). I'm not convinced though - I don't think "fancying" someone is a huge deal and it's a million miles from having something actually happen beyond just that... I also tend to think that anyone who claims that during a long term relationship they have NEVER even vaguely fancied anyone else is probably not being entirely honest .

I've been thinking a lot lately, about life, about how really it's all about connections, about how I don't have as many as I'd probably like at this point and about some really good connections that I've had in the past and let go of carelessly. I think a lot of the world is pretty lonely, I guess, and that ironically part of the cause of that is insecurity and jealousy. I've even seen plenty of people get insecure about their partners having deep connections with old friends of the same sex. Jealous of time spent with them, etc. Which I understand when people have generally busy lives but I dunno. Just wish I properly "knew" more people beyond superficial niceties.

[thesheriff443]

Originally Posted by Toy Soldier

Just to throw a spanner in everyone's works;

What if it isn't cheating?

Your in the wrong thread

[user104658]

Originally Posted by thesheriff443

Your in the wrong thread

Well I guess, but the question is how you would feel about dating married men/women, not "how would you feel about dating someone who is betraying their partner". It's a different question

[thesheriff443]

Originally Posted by Toy Soldier

Well I guess, but the question is how you would feel about dating married men/women, not "how would you feel about dating someone who is betraying their partner". It's a different question

I was being silly, for every liar there is someone telling the truth.

[user104658]

Anyway, my answer is that life is life (and you only get one!) and adults are adults and everyone is different, so what it comes down to at the end of the day, is honesty. Someone who would lie / cheat / betray is not someone you should easily trust, and I would say likewise, someone who is OK with being "the other person" knowing that someone is being betrayed, is probably also not a good person. The concept of ethical non-monogamy though is not really a moral question so much as a personal choice; if everyone involved is OK, it shouldn't be for anyone else to judge. I do often feel like people coast through life making fewer meaningful connections than they could (obviously that doesn't have to involve sex! Just the whole thing, close friendships, emotional connections) and end up in their elderly years with some regrets? It's definitely not black and white, for me.

[Mokka]

I think...and this is slightly off topic but relating to TS's post...that we as a society have stigmatized children from a young age to not be able to have just general friendships across gender... and I bothers me greatly. I have plenty of male acquaintances that I never think of in a sexual manner...maybe not best friends...but some are deeper friendships. I also encourage my children towards the same. Not every relationship with the opposite sex needs to be or should be sexual lyrics charged.

[Kyle]

I agree with the alien but yet I also agree with Niamh.