[thesheriff443]

Originally Posted by Lewismacfarlane

I don't disagree with that but why make a judgement of not liking a child's friend before meeting them

You refer to her as child in the above sentence, she maybe 25 but she might still be considered a child by her parents.

They are probably just trying to protect her.

[Lewismacfarlane]

Originally Posted by thesheriff443

You refer to her as child in the above sentence, she maybe 25 but she might still be considered a child by her parents.

They are probably just trying to protect her.

I know its just upsetting me right now

[thesheriff443]

Originally Posted by Lewismacfarlane

I know its just upsetting me right now

Unfortunately that’s life , but if she has special needs it explains a lot and you should not be too hard on her her parents and your self.

[Lewismacfarlane]

Originally Posted by thesheriff443

Unfortunately that’s life , but if she has special needs it explains a lot and you should not be too hard on her her parents and your self.

Am a being hard on her parents

[thesheriff443]

Originally Posted by Lewismacfarlane

Am a being hard on her parents

If you think they are being unfair it’s because she is their daughter who they still see as a child and not because they think you are a bad friend.

[Lewismacfarlane]

Originally Posted by thesheriff443

If you think they are being unfair it’s because she is their daughter who they still see as a child and not because they think you are a bad friend.

I didn't once say they were unfair

[user104658]

To be honest I have a suspicion you talked about meeting up, she got nervous and now she’s trying to take a step back and the parents thing is an excuse. If they’ve not had an issue with it for 9 years it seems a bit bizarre they’d suddenly take issue now.

A couple of potential reasons really. Maybe she does see it as more than a friendship but thinks you don’t and is nervous about that.

Maybe she DOES just see it as a friendship and thinks you want more and is nervous about THAT.

Or a hundred other reasons really.

I think at this point, as you are both adults (I find the whole parents thing and referring to her as their “child” a bit odd for people in their 20’s, I can’t lie about that) the only thing you can really do is have a mature and open conversation about it, and make your own stance clear (that you really do just see her as a good friend, if that is indeed the case ) and see what she has to say. You have to do it yourself, not via a mutual friend. You’re not 15.

[thesheriff443]

Originally Posted by Lewismacfarlane

I didn't once say they were unfair

At one point it came across as you thought it was the parents that where stopping her from being your friend

[thesheriff443]

Originally Posted by Toy Soldier

To be honest I have a suspicion you talked about meeting up, she got nervous and now she’s trying to take a step back and the parents thing is an excuse. If they’ve not had an issue with it for 9 years it seems a bit bizarre they’d suddenly take issue now.

A couple of potential reasons really. Maybe she does see it as more than a friendship but thinks you don’t and is nervous about that.

Maybe she DOES just see it as a friendship and thinks you want more and is nervous about THAT.

Or a hundred other reasons really.

I think at this point, as you are both adults (I find the whole parents thing and referring to her as their “child” a bit odd for people in their 20’s, I can’t lie about that) the only thing you can really do is have a mature and open conversation about it, and make your own stance clear (that you really do just see her as a good friend, if that is indeed the case ) and see what she has to say. You have to do it yourself, not via a mutual friend. You’re not 15.

But she still may have the mindset of a child even though she is 25 I would of thought you would be more up on that

[user104658]

Honestly I would say even if she is on the spectrum she is clearly not significantly disabled, she is still an adult and she still has the right to autonomy. Obviously they want to protect her and absolutely should be protecting her from actual RISK, I.e. dodgy people or people who are trying to take advantage, but I don’t think that should extend to not letting her conduct her own friendships. If she is an adult and clearly capable of engaging in adult communication then she doesn’t have a serious learning disability that would warrant them having strict control over every aspect of her life.

That’s just personal opinion as the parent of an LD child though. Independence should be encouraged, so long as there’s no actual obvious danger. Like if you were a much older man or something.

[thesheriff443]

I have a 26 year old that is worldly wise but still loves buying toys and comic books suitable for kids on infant school

[Lewismacfarlane]

I think this has been a problem for a while with her parent's

[user104658]

Honestly if she DOESN’T have a disability, and what she’s saying is true, I’m a bit concerned about these parents

[thesheriff443]

Originally Posted by Lewismacfarlane

I think this has been a problem for a while with her parent's

To be totally honest no one on here can give definite advice because we just don’t know the full story.

Ammi gave you same great advice like others on here

Give the girl some space and see what happens because if you keep on seeking her out that may destroy any possibility of a friendship.

[Lewismacfarlane]

Ive decided not to text her first and wait until she gets back to me

[Beso]

You should speak to her parents like the grown up you are.

[Lewismacfarlane]

Just to fill people in i think shes now blocked me on social media

[thesheriff443]

Originally Posted by Lewismacfarlane

Just to fill people in i think shes now blocked me on social media

She either has or she hasn’t
If she has a then that’s time to move on.

[Lewismacfarlane]

Originally Posted by thesheriff443

She either has or she hasn’t
If she has a then that’s time to move on.

Im sad but i think its for the best

[ThomasC]

Originally Posted by thesheriff443

There is a lot more going on in this friendship relationship thats not been said because it doesn’t add up.

I’m being a wanker here but are you or you friend on the spectrum autism Asperger’s ?
I’m saying this because of the parents being involved in a 25 year olds life.

Ridiculous.

To be on the spectrum you have to meet three criteria, communication, interaction and imagination. To have Asperger's you also have to meet that criteria, but it is not normally associated with a learning disability.

I don't see how you have come to that assumption based on being involved in someone's life who is 25 years old. Bizarre.

OP - This is a sad situation.

She doesn't like you in the way you want her to like you and my STRONG guess is that she has given you hints and you haven't taken them. All the rest is just bluff and excuses.

You are obsessing and overthinking. We've all been there to varying degrees.

I would suggest getting a hobby if you haven't already and do something to take your mind off of this situation.

She might be 25, but she's doing what girls do when they're not interested, albeit they probably wouldn't use their parents as a reason. You just haven't got the hint or been freaked enough to run the other way.

[thesheriff443]

Originally Posted by ThomasC

Ridiculous.

To be on the spectrum you have to meet three criteria, communication, interaction and imagination. To have Asperger's you also have to meet that criteria, but it is not normally associated with a learning disability.

I don't see how you have come to that assumption based on being involved in someone's life who is 25 years old. Bizarre.

OP - This is a sad situation.

She doesn't like you in the way you want her to like you and my STRONG guess is that she has given you hints and you haven't taken them. All the rest is just bluff and excuses.

You are obsessing and overthinking. We've all been there to varying degrees.

I would suggest getting a hobby if you haven't already and do something to take your mind off of this situation.

She might be 25, but she's doing what girls do when they're not interested, albeit they probably wouldn't use their parents as a reason. You just haven't got the hint or been freaked enough to run the other way.

With all do respect I have a daughter who is 26 and has autism, for parents to be taking the phone away from a 25 year old that person must have issues in there life because parents don’t take phones away from 25 year old and 25 years would not let their parents take their phone away

[Crimson Dynamo]

is it me?

[ThomasC]

Originally Posted by thesheriff443

With all do respect I have a daughter who is 26 and has autism, for parents to be taking the phone away from a 25 year old that person must have issues in there life because parents don’t take phones away from 25 year old and 25 years would not let their parents take their phone away

And with all due to respect, there is possibly a multitude of reasons why, if it is true and I have big doubts, they would.

You seem to have put 2 and 2 together and come up with 22.

[thesheriff443]

Originally Posted by ThomasC

And with all due to respect, there is possibly a multitude of reasons why, if it is true and I have big doubts, they would.

You seem to have put 2 and 2 together and come up with 22.

From what we where told I have come up with my opinion

[ThomasC]

Originally Posted by thesheriff443

From what we where told I have come up with my opinion

Yeah that's fair enough.

Like I say though, for someone to have an official diagnosis of Autism or Aspergers they have to meet the triard of impairments. Difficulties in communication, social imagination and social interaction. Whilst she may well have, what has been described could be anything. She might meet one, but not the other, in which case she would have pervasive development disorder not otherwise specified or A typical.

She might also have mental health problems. She might have suffered early trauma, neglect, been witness to substance abuse, domestic violence... she might have global development delay or some form of learning disability, she may have lived a sheltered life, she might be vulnerable due to z,y,z.

The point I'm making is that there is a whole dictionary of conditions which could fit what has been described.

I think if you tend to know more about one condition, it might be your go to without having thought more holistically about it. I understand why you would in this case, but would suggest you are likely to be way off the mark. Who knows.