[Shaun]

Originally Posted by MB.

The title of said maxi challenge of course being She Done Already Done Had Heracross

*fires my intern who only managed to come up with Blazikens Across the Board*

[MB.]

Next time on RuPaul's Drag Race...

Episode 3: The RuPer Bowl Halftime Show
All thirteen queens come together for the first time, only to immediately split off into two competing girl groups. For this week's maxi challenge, they must write and record verses for two rival pop smashes-in-the-making, ‘Too Hot to Touchdown’ and ‘N.F.L. (Nasty Freaky Ladies)’. They must then choreograph halftime show-worthy routines and perform them in front of this week's extra special guest judge, Lil Kim.

[MB.]

Next time on RuPaul's Drag Race...

Episode 4: Death by Rice
In this Knives Out-style murder mystery improv challenge, all of the queens become suspects after former judge Santino Rice is found dead at Tuckingham Manor. It’s such a twisted Ru-dunnit that I wouldn’t even rule out the extra special guest judges, legendary scream queen Jamie Lee Curtis and Saturday Night Live star Bowen Yang...

[Ammi]

...awwww, the lovely Kornbread not being chosen......that’s always such a sad moment when a queen has to watch others being chosen while she isn’t, I hate that...I’m so happy that Team Too Hot to Touchdown won and I feel that kornbread’s contribution to that was so valuable......that runway, Make Your Statement was just made for Neon, that was Her runway.....

[Ammi]

...well done Moltyn Decadence...Veronica.....

[Ammi]

...oh I love a RuDunnit, I love to see their acting challenges and I love Jamie Lee Curtis.....

[Ammi]

...I’m enjoying reading the mirror chat...Miss Toto is actually a bodybuilder..was Tina an athlete..?..I can’t see any articles atm...

[MB.]

Originally Posted by Ammi

...I’m enjoying reading the mirror chat...Miss Toto is actually a bodybuilder..was Tina an athlete..?..I can’t see any articles atm...

I try and get everything from actual interviews to accurately flesh out their personalities/backstories a bit (hence the weird but true stuff about Toto being a bodybuilder!) - with Tina, I remember reading something on Reddit about her being an athlete that I added to my notes, but I can't seem to find it now so I decided to be as vague as possible instead (although everything about her being a linebacker in a pantsuit, a catchphrase she'd probably wear out after the first episode in real life, is true, so I don't think it's out of the realm of possibility that she would have been a football player in school or some such)

[MB.]

and speaking of fashion! Next time:

Episode 5: The Draguation Ball
In this graduation-themed ball challenge, the queens of Drag University (famously a rough spot) must channel their inner Elle Woods and serve sickening scholarly looks in three different categories. Acclaimed R&B duo Chloe x Halle join in the fun as the newest guest judges on campus.

[MB.]

Next time:

Episode 6: Snatchily Feud
The queens show off their best celebrity impersonations in this Snatch Game variant, which this year takes the format of Family Feud (or Family Fortunes, for us cultured Brits). Comedian Niecy Nash and available Broadway actor Larry Owens snatch their spots on the judging panel.

[MB.]

also, for anyone wanting to imagine what these people would actually look like in the werk room/their confessionals/the Shade Tree (RIP), here are the queens out of drag:

Spoiler:

top row: 6, Gia, Jazell, Kornbread, Moltyn, Olivia, Veronica
bottom row: Denali, Jasmine, Kandy, Toto, Neon, Tina

[Daniel-X]

Suddenly I want Toto to win

[Ammi]

..you think of everything, MB......it is always lovely to see them out of drag and in the werk room as well, as that’s where we learn a bit about their lives and I love that...and then seeing the transformation into ultimate glamour for the runway...

[MB.]

Originally Posted by Daniel-X

Suddenly I want Toto to win

I was hoping nobody would clock the very, very subtle subliminal messages in the photos I picked for her and Gia

[MB.]

then again one of the queens apparently on the real season 13 looks like this, so I've been outdone by World of Wonder yet again (spoiler tagged partly for the actual spoiler, partly for the gratuitous nipples)

Spoiler:

View this post on Instagram

A post shared by Instagram (@instagram) on Feb 3, 2020 at 9:42am PST

[Shaun]

jesus h christ

[MB.]

no I don't think Jesus applied this season

[Shaun]

shame, she's been turning looks as 'slim'

[Ammi]

.....with Jazell’s Moses realness as well, this is feeling quite the religious/biblical series...

[MB.]

Speaking of religious experiences, Lil' Kim's episode is coming right up xo

[MB.]

The Queens Meet
The episode two queens enter the werk room to find the queens from episode one waiting for them, and as usual, we get a Mexican standoff between the two groups. That is, of course, until New York sisters Jasmine and Tina excitedly run at each other like a pair of horny cats, as though they weren’t tipped off to the other being on the season when they went to the same designer for all their outfits (oh you New York queens, never change).

Other queens with preexisting relationships, such as Chicago's Denali and Toto, also reconnect through the art of hugging and screaming, while queens with smaller reputations in the outside world, such as Veronica and Moltyn, introduce themselves to the slightly sceptical group. "These big name queens could eat these small fish up," Jasmine from NYC tells LA's 6, who nods in agreement.

A catching-up (/gossiping) session ensues, and it's quickly spilled that Jazell and Gia are currently the queens to beat with a challenge win each. Jasmine in particular looks visibly surprised that skinny young thing Gia won for her group, while Tina jokingly (...I think) suggests that Kandy should have been in the bottom last week over Moltyn. Kandy does not look best pleased, although that might just be the way she paints.

Main Challenge
It's a new day in the werk room, and Ru welcomes the queens as one big group for the first time. As the winners of the first two challenges, Jazell and Gia are each assigned the role of team captain for this week's maxi challenge, and as such they get to pick the members of their girl groups for the upcoming RuPer Bowl Halftime Show extravaganza. The teams end up as follows, with the queens listed in the order they were chosen:

Team Jazell (Team Too Hot to Touchdown)
Jazell Barbie Royale
Neon Calypso
Miss Toto
Denali
Jasmine Rice LaBeija
6
Kornbread Jeté

Team Gia (Team Nasty Freaky Ladies)
Gia Metric
Olivia Lux
Kandy Muse
Moltyn Decadence
Tina Burner
Veronica Taylor-Mykels

Kornbread, who was the only queen not to be picked and therefore got to choose her team, promises to surprise everyone by being the MVP of the game. I wouldn't like my odds if I were to be tackled by her, let's put it that way. Yay football references!

Rehearsals
Team Jazell write and record their verses for 'Too Hot to Touchdown', with trained singer Jasmine taking to the mic like Jinkx Monsoon's duck to water. Neon and Toto, meanwhile, get inventive with their respective rap verses, bouncing off one another with an assortment of American football puns; Neon in particular mentions that she wants her rap to be as tight as can be for her idol, guest judge Lil' Kim. Afterwards, the team heads to dance rehearsals with choreographer Jamal Sims, who is on standby as they choreograph their girl group routines. As a dancer, Denali confidently takes the lead on the choreography, helping Jazell put the number together. On the other hand, Jamal calls out 6 for fading into the background (which seems a given when sharing a stage with six other drag queens), while Kornbread confesses she is struggling to pick up the steps, causing Jazell some concern. Kornbread begins to worry that her team leader might have been right not to pick her after all.

Meanwhile, Team Gia record their verses for their song, 'N.F.L. (Nasty Freaky Ladies)'. Olivia's musical theatre belting takes her teammates by surprise ("I thought she was just here to be the pretty one," admits Tina), while Moltyn, Kandy and Gia rap their verses. To put it kindly, Moltyn and Kandy are a little more natural at rapping than Gia. Later on, the team prepares their group choreography with Jamal. Unlike Team Jazell, nobody takes an immediate lead on the choreo, leaving Olivia to step up to make suggestions. Team leader Gia seems a little flustered by the whole thing, which Kandy, as her brutally honest friend, decides to call her out on. Afterwards, Veronica takes Kandy to one side to tell her she agrees with her decision, and thinks the team could have used a stronger leader than Gia (Veronica herself struggles to pick up the steps, as Jamal notices several times, so she could just be shifting the blame). Moltyn, meanwhile, says she's sitting back and enjoying the drama, although secretly hopes the infighting and indecision doesn't sink her group - after all, she got negative critiques last week, so will have to work extra hard to impress the judges.

Mirror Chat
As they do their makeup in preparation for their halftime show performances, the queens discuss their histories playing sport. Tina for one talks about being an athlete in her younger days, and explains how she has learned to accept her less-than-feminine build out of drag and become the self-proclaimed "linebacker in a pantsuit" that she is. Miss Toto, who is a competitive bodybuilder out of drag, says she fell in love with fitness while working at a gym to earn money to do drag. Bodybuilding, she thinks, is "drag for straight people", as both are entirely performative ways of self-expression. Building off of this, Veronica talks about her finding drag at a young age as a way to escape expectations of masculinity and conformity, and says an unexpected perk of doing drag in this day and age is queer kids seeing drag queens as role models.

Of course, you could read all of the above in a Judith Butler book, and what you're really here for is some good old fashioned drama. Well, you're in luck, as Kandy decides to live up to her messy queen title by confronting Gia once again about her poor leadership. Kandy also finds it rather interesting that certain queens who had agreed with her in private earlier (cough Veronica cough) aren't backing her up in front of the group now. Perhaps the werk room isn't big enough for the thirteen of them.

[MB.]

After Veronica's Elimination
The queens return to the werk room following Veronica's elimination, and wipe her goodbye message from the mirror. Moltyn says that winning a Lil' Kim lip sync in front of Lil' Kim has lit a fire under her, and that she’s determined to avoid the bottom this week. After placing low in the previous challenge, meanwhile, Tina says that the harsh reality that someone will be going home each week has given all of the queens (herself included) the wake-up call they need to up their games. It's time, she says, to start separating the wheat from the chaff.

Mini Challenge
For this week's mini challenge, The Essence of Booty, Ru randomly divides the queens into pairs; season twelve winner Jaida Essence Hall then stops by and leads the pairs in a search for pirate treasure hidden somewhere in the werk room. The queens turn the room upside down in order to try and hunt this treasure down (no doubt the poor Pit Crew will have to clear up the mess), but it's the pairing of Jasmine and Kandy who find the treasure chest first.

Inside the chest is a list of roles for this week's challenge, an improvised murder mystery called Death by Rice. As the winners of the mini challenge, Jasmine and Kandy get to assign these roles. Kandy picks her own role with confidence, saying that she has an improv background from her school days. Jasmine, meanwhile, pairs herself up with Tina, as she thinks having someone like her to bounce off of will put her on the path to winning her first challenge. While they agree to assign the majority of the other queens roles that play to their strengths, Kandy says she wants to see how Gia copes with a potentially smaller role, after seeing how she crumbled under pressure as team leader last week.

Main Challenge
As decided by Jasmine and Kandy, the full list of roles for the maxi challenge is as follows:

Detectives
Head Detective Noelle Noir, the southern detective hired anonymously to lead the investigation into Santino Rice's murder - Moltyn Decadence
Detective Jessica Felcher, the deputy assisting with the case - Jazell Barbie Royale

Suspects
Lady Tuckingham, the family matriarch with a shocking alibi - Jasmine Rice LaBeija
Grandma Tuckingham, the crazy old woman who owns the manor - Tina Burner
Donna, Santino's bitter estranged lover - Olivia Lux
Toni, the self-absorbed heiress hoping to bag a windfall - Kandy Muse
Chrissy, the mysterious black sheep of the family - 6
Barfa, Santino's nurse who has a penchant for puking - Denali
Windexa, the maid who discovered one of Santino's darkest secrets - Miss Toto
Flora, the groundskeeper who heard a suspicious noise while gardening - Neon Calypso
Ginger, the cook accused of poisoning Santino - Kornbread Jeté
Honey, the kitchenhand who conveniently disappeared following the murder - Gia Metric

Roles assigned, the queens film their improv scenes, joined by Ross Mathews as Moltyn and Jazell's co-detective. After the first scene, in which the detectives discover Santino's dead body (played skillfully by a shop window mannequin, as the actual Santino refused to have anything to do with this), they get to work grilling the first suspects, grieving matriarchs Jasmine and Tina. As it turns out, Jasmine's decision to pair herself with a queen she has established chemistry with works wonders, as she and Tina steal the scene with their histrionics and eccentric character quirks.

Next up, the detectives interview the threesome of 6, Kandy and Olivia; although Kandy was confident in her improv abilities going into the challenge, she doesn't seem to have prepared more than one joke for her role as the heiress Toni, while 6 comes off as timid in her role as the mysterious Chrissy. It's therefore Olivia, as Santino's bitter ex Donna, who carries the scene, using her theatre experience to improvise some funny moments with Ross, Moltyn and Jazell.

The detectives then line up the house staff (Denali, Gia, Kornbread, Neon and Toto) for questioning. With so many queens in one scene, stealing the spotlight isn't easy, but it's poison-wielding cook Kornbread who best rises to the occasion. While Denali, Neon and Toto (last week's top three, it should be noted) do a fine job also as Santino's nurse, maid and groundskeeper respectively, Gia barely gets a word in edgeways as the shy kitchenhand, especially compared to Kornbread's larger-than-life character. In the final scene, detectives Ross, Moltyn and Jazell gather all the suspects in the grand hall of Tuckingham Manor, where Ross reveals that Santino's killer was none other than…

Spoiler:

As Moltyn and Jazell walk the killer out of the room (backwards) in handcuffs, Tina gets in one last joke as Grandma Tuckingham by comically feigning an over-the-top heart attack at the shock. Yay improv!

[MB.]

After Kandy's Elimination
The queens return to the werk room. 6, who just survived the lip sync, wipes Kandy's lipstick message from the mirror, saying that she has mixed emotions but is glad to have been given a second chance by Ru. The queens agree with Neon's comment that it's a shame Kandy didn't get to show off more of her many talents, but hey, at least she has her 50,000-or-so Instagram followers to fall back on. The queens then hold a minute's silence in tribute to meme queen Kandy... or rather, they sit awkwardly in silence while staring off into space for a minute.

After their minute's silence is complete, the queens congratulate Jasmine and Tina on their joint win in the improv challenge. Jasmine admits in a confessional that while she’s of course grateful to have the judges appreciate her, she’s slightly annoyed about the double win, as she wanted this to be her chance to step out into the spotlight and win a challenge on her own. From now on, she says, she won't let any queen stand in her way, even if it is her best friend.

Mini Challenge
For the next day's mini challenge, Milan Fashion Week, the queens turn the werk room into a catwalk and put on an impromptu quick drag fashion show, all while being chased by season 4 contestant Milan. Jazell and Tina successfully manage to avoid being caught by Milan's fishing net and win the mini challenge. Their prize? A year's supply of not being trapped in Milan's fishing net. It's the very definition of money-can't-buy.

Main Challenge
For this week's maxi challenge, Ru tells the queens that they'll be throwing it back to their college days with a graduation-themed fashion ball. In it, they'll need to serve three different looks in the following categories:

1) Bookworm Realness
2) Sorority Sister from Another Mister
3) Valedictorian Eleganza Extravaganza
For this third category, the queens receive various materials, ranging from the conventional (graduation caps and gowns) to the not-so conventional (degree scrolls, bouquets of flowers, confetti) from which to create a sickening graduation outfit.

The Pit Crew, dressed in nothing but mortarboards and Andrew Christian underwear, bring in trolleys full of the above materials for the queens to rifle through. An unholy scuffle ensues, in which Denali and Kornbread wrestle for the same piece of black fabric and Olivia and Toto agree to cut a bouquet of flowers in half, King Solomon-style.

With materials bagged, the queens draw up initial designs for their Valedictorian Eleganza Extravaganza looks; Neon's two-in-one look that transitions from valedictorian to club kid is an outside of the box take on the theme, while Jazell aims for something more traditional, sleek and elegant, hoping to impress the judges with its simplicity. Moltyn takes a similar route, but her mini dress concept focuses mostly on the simplicity bit. The eleven queens then take to their sewing machines and get to work constructing their outfits. Olivia and Tina, each with sewing experience beneath their belt, get going with ease, while Kornbread takes one unsure look at her machine and instead races for the hot glue gun.

Jasmine, determined to one-up Tina this week, gets very ambitious with the materials she's hoping to use, but has to take a step back when she realises her planned design won't work in the allotted time. She glances over at Tina, who is has already sewed half of her outfit, and begins to panic. Gia, who won her first challenge but has received negative critiques from the judges the past two challenges, says she feels a mountain of pressure to deliver. Therefore, she's decided to take a risk, and plans to construct a dark, funereal look out of paper and painted flowers. She worries that the judges will think it veers too far from the graduation theme, but knows either way that if she doesn't impress them, it could be a case of third strike and you're out.

Mirror Chat
The queens take five minutes out of constructing their outfits to discuss their college experiences, and their experiences with education more generally. Neon mentions that the first drag show she ever saw was in 2012 while she was at college; Moltyn then one-ups her by saying that the first time she ever did drag was at a college rag show as a closeted student in 2004. In a confessional, Moltyn goes into more detail about the link between her education and her drag origins, and says that she has aimed to ensure young people in her local area get the chance to experience drag like she did all those years ago; she regularly performs at the University of Kansas's annual Brown Bag Drag event, a free, university-funded drag show that she says gives all kinds of students access to drag, many of them for the first time.

Elsewhere, Miss Toto discusses how she moved from her home state of Maryland to Miami, where she would begin her drag career, for college (she reveals to the other queens for the first time that she has a master's degree in marine science, prompting them all to sing an impromptu verse of Baby Shark), while Gia surprises the queens further by revealing that she was a volleyball champion in high school (which would have been a useful thing for me to have found out in time for the sports-themed challenge in episode three, huh). In drag, she says, she has been able to replicate that sense of team camaraderie with her drag girl group Bratpack, which has helped her to rise to the top of the Vancouver drag scene.

[MB.]

After Moltyn's Elimination
The queens return to the werk room following Moltyn's departure, having taken a week and a half off after the studio was hit by a small, fracking-related earthquake. Lip sync survivor Kornbread prays for another acting challenge (or five), while challenge winner Gia is hopeful that the producers break convention by giving the queens nothing but fashion challenges until the end of the competition. As the halfway point approaches, the queens take stock of their track records - Gia leads the pack with two wins, while Jazell, Neon, Jasmine and Tina have one each. Tina smugly warns the queens who aren't on that list (6, Denali, Kornbread, Olivia and Toto) that if they don't step their games up pronto, they'll be following Moltyn right out the door. And, says Tina, she's fine with that, as it means one less competitor for the crown.

Mini Challenge
For the mini challenge, Yuhua What You Eat, season ten contestant Yuhua Hamasaki stops by to analyse each queen’s bowel patterns. The queen with the cleanest stool wins. By nature of being the skinniest queen, having not eaten solid food for two months, Gia is the winner of the mini challenge. She receives... I don't know, a lifetime supply of cat litter as her prize. Meow.

Main Challenge
Ru announces to the queens that they'll be taking on the iconic Snatch Game, but instead of doing things the usual way, they'll be playing the game Family Feud-style. Neon channels Valentina and asks if this means Steve Harvey will be making an appearance (he will not).

The usual open discussion of everyone's Snatch Game choices commences among the queens; Jazell shows off the gown she's planning to wear as legendary Dynasty actress Diahann Carroll, while Neon chats to Toto about her decision to do rapper of the moment Megan Thee Stallion. Kornbread asks 6 about who she'll be playing, but judging by the many wigs spread out across her work bench, 6 still has some deciding to do.

Later on, Ru pops in to grill the queens/spout some nonsense about riffing, volleying and inner saboteurs. He does not apologise for the earthquake he caused with his fracking. Anyway, as part of this segment we found out the remainder of the queens' picks; Kornbread has chosen to play Ms. Juicy from Little Women: Atlanta, Olivia is taking on the one and only Vanessa Williams, Denali is playing the famously lovely Lea Michele, Gia will do spiritual advisor to Oprah, one-time presidential candidate and all-around nutcase Marianne Williamson (as an extra reward for winning the mini challenge, Gia gets a one-on-one Snatch Game coaching session from the challenge's very first winner, season 2's Tatianna), and Toto is taking a mighty risk by transforming herself into, er, Lord Voldemort. It's safe to say her plans are met with a look of concern from Ru, who can't exactly picture volleying with a fictional half-blood Dark Lord.

Elsewhere, Tina weighs up her two potential choices (businesswoman Barbara Corcoran and Broadway star Elaine Stritch), while Jasmine does the same with her two all-singing characters, Leontyne Price and Shirley Bassey, telling Ru that she hopes whichever one she picks will finally give her the edge over friendly rival Tina. Speaking of Ru, when he visits 6's work bench, she still hasn't chosen her specific character, although she has narrowed her selection down to either Kate Bush or P!nk. She admits that her Snatch Game character is probably going to come down to a last minute decision, and whichever one it is, she hopes it doesn't land her in the bottom.

The Snatch Game then happens (who ever said I'm not excessively verbose?). The queens, in Family Feud/Fortunes style, are split up arbitrarily into two families:

The O'Hara-Davenport-Delexington-Dupree Family
Diahann Carroll, as played by Jazell
Lord Voldemort, as played by Toto
Marianne Williamson, as played by Gia
P!nk, as played by 6
Shirley Bassey, as played by Jasmine

The Paige-Brooks-Bryant-Matthews-Bo'nina-Brown Family
Barbara Corcoran, as played by Tina
Lea Michele, as played by Denali
Megan Thee Stallion, as played by Neon
Ms. Juicy, as played by Kornbread
Vanessa Williams, as played by Olivia

As you might expect, Neon throws in a few references to her WAP, Jasmine says "she doesn't have the range" a lot about the queens on the other team, Tina throws dollar bills around like confetti and Toto, er, slut drops on Marianne Williamson while dressed in full Lord Voldemort drag, prosthetics and all. After the game is complete, Ru does his best Steve Harvey impression by announcing that the winner is... Miss Colombia. There's nothing quite like a joke from five years ago to end a challenge on a high, is there?

[MB.]

Performances
Ru welcomes us to the RuPer Bowl Halftime Show with the promise that no, Shakira will not be yodelling at any point during this one. Team Jazell performs their song 'Too Hot to Touchdown' first, followed by Team Gia, performing 'N.F.L. (Nasty Freaky Ladies)', with each group lip syncing to their earlier-recorded vocals. I assume there's some American football being played by the Pit Crew either side of these performances, but this never gets mentioned in any way, shape or form.

Runway
This week's runway category is Make Your Statement, i.e. sloganwear and other such outfits that incorporate writing (like Jan Sport's black wedding look), inspired by Viktor & Rolf. See below for a moodboard:

Spoiler:

Judging
Having watched both groups perform, Ru declares Team Too Hot to Touchdown (6, Denali, Jasmine, Jazell, Kornbread, Neon and Toto) to be the winners of the challenge. Of these, Denali, Neon and Toto are particularly singled out for praise, with the judges loving Denali's precision, Toto's showstopping energy and Neon's slick bars and unique stage presence. With the approval of Lil' Kim herself, Neon is declared the winner of this week's challenge, and bags a $5,000 tip for her good work. The rest of the team are declared safe and are free to leave the stage.

Safe: 6, Jasmine Rice LaBeija, Jazell Barbie Royale & Kornbread Jeté
Safe (High): Denali & Miss Toto
Winner: Neon Calypso

This leaves Gia, Kandy, Olivia, Moltyn, Tina and Veronica up for elimination this week. In terms of positives, all of the judges agree that Olivia was the standout of Team Nasty Freaky Ladies, and that she could have won the entire challenge had she been on the other team. Otherwise, they're also in agreement that Gia's team was on the whole less cohesive and seemingly less prepared than Jazell's; Gia is criticised (by both the judges and Kandy, who still believes she is being constructive in her feedback) for her poor organisational skills as team leader, Kandy is praised for her enthusiasm but Michelle says she couldn't understand most of her lyrics due to her muddled enunciation, Tina is told by both Carson and Lil' Kim that she faded into the background during the performance (possibly due to nerves), Moltyn is called out for messing up the choreography multiple times, and Veronica is criticised for her lacklustre dancing and performance skills.

Ru declares Olivia safe, followed by Kandy, Tina and finally Gia, therefore leaving Moltyn and Veronica as the two queens who must lip sync for their lives tonight.

Safe: Olivia Lux
Safe: Kandy Muse
Safe (Low): Tina Burner
Safe (Low): Gia Metric
Bottom Two: Moltyn Decadence & Veronica Taylor-Mykels

In a confessional, Moltyn admits that she got too wrapped up in other queens' drama that she forgot to focus on herself, hence her multiple slip-ups in the performance. Now, she says, is her chance to correct that in the lip sync. Veronica, meanwhile, says she would be devastated to come all the way from Denver only to go home first, and that she's going to do all she can to convince Ru to keep her.