[Judas]

He claims that his cafe in perfect, labelling me a political nutter.

Have you had bad problems? I've had:
Mice droppings in my tea
Dog faeces on the plate
Nude, obese women eating next to me, whilst arista masturbates furiously
Been scolded, when Sticks bombed the cafe for poor safety
Found hairs in my food.

Arista is stubborn. Fact. Flock to his cafe and tell him how shoddy it is. It needs sorting.

Bang on.