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Shaun · 10-02-2017, 01:20 AM

I have miraculously conjured 20 names and will be doing a special extended series. 18 just doesn't cut it in 2019, it turns out! Canonically, your series would be CBB23 and has completely reversed TiBB's perception of Winter Series Being The Best (considering the last four winners have been Winston McKenzie, Scotty T, Coleen Nolan and Roy Horn)

So hopefully CBB24 will continue to prove we're...cool for the summer.

MB. · 10-02-2017, 01:30 AM

I'm honoured that a series which began with Gyles Brandreth dying, saw Des Lynam get turned into a chair and ended with Angie Bowie licking salsa off her tits is considered canonical, as painful as it was to get through

Mitchell · 10-02-2017, 12:13 PM

You two's series were ****ing brilliant

Denver · 10-02-2017, 12:38 PM

I redid the CBB19 but split Jedward and Speidi up and Kim won with Ray J 2nd and Angie 3rd

Braden · 10-02-2017, 03:28 PM

Celebrity Big Brother: Cocoon

Angie, Charo and Kim were robbed!

Shaun · 10-02-2017, 08:35 PM

MY NAME IS ALYSSA EDWARDS, AND INEEDINEEDINEEDINEEDINEEDINEED TO GET UP IN THIS CBB24 GIG

It's Summer 2019. The world's gearing up for a Trump vs. Warren presidential campaign, Gyles Brandreth's state funeral is attended by 39, and did you really think I'd cast one Psychic Sally without the other? BITCH YOU GUESSED WRONG. WELCOME. To CBB24.
Cast List

I'd like to just say that I'm endorsing Fantasia, Lynda or Right Said Fred for the crown

Week One

[Su I ****ing love you. You are the greatest thing to happen to Brantsteele.]
Nominations

Spoiler:

Nominated: Fabio and Lynda Woodruff

what an awful first two.
No Nominations!: Lily Tomlin, Anneka Rice and Crispin Glover
Evicted: Fabio </333333
[Even with 2 more cast members, I've never seen someone get 11 nominations in Week One on this before. Come thru Su's support!]

Week Two

[I told you it's canonical, MB!]
Nominations

Spoiler:

Nominated: Iris Apfel, Antonia Okonma and Christine Walkden

ffs guys
No Nominations!: Rowland Rivron, Handy Andy and Lady Bunny!
Evicted: Christine
[Definitely the best result of the three I suppose, back to the One Show you gardening slag!]

Week Three

[Harsh, but fair, Anneka. Harsh, but fair, Lisa.]
Nominations

Spoiler:

Nominated: Handy Andy vs. Lynda Woodruff - ok come on guys Su Pollard wants her to win, and Ed Balls hates him, so vote him out!!!!!!
No Nominations!: Ingrid Tarrant, Anneka Rice, Tim Westwood, Tommy Wiseau and Lady Bunny!
Evicted: Handy Andy!
[YES. COME THRU, LYNDA. QUEEN OF SURVIVALS.]

Week Four

[I WOULD DO NO SUCH THING.]
Nominations

Spoiler:

Nominated: Rowland Rivron vs. Iris Apfel - I've had 3 evictions go relatively fine so far so I'm sure I'll lose Iris here

No Nominations!: Charles Ingram, Crispin Glover + Anneka Rice
Evicted: Rowland Rivron!
[Wow. OK. This thing likes me.]

Week Five

[Even Angels learn how to fly, Fantasia </3

]
Nominations

Spoiler:

Nominated: Lily Tomlin vs. Iris Apfel - ANNIHILATE THAT RACIST BITCH, IRIS
No Nominations!: Crispin Glover, Fantasia and Grayson Perry!
Evicted: Lily Tomlin!
[seriously, I'm not even rigging this <333333]

Week Six

[Oh good, both Gyles references have been used]
Nominations

Spoiler:

Nominated: Lynda Woodruff vs. Tim Westwood
No Nominations!: Fantasia, Tommy Wiseau and Charles Ingram!
Evicted: Tim Westwood!
[I can't. This is all going too well. I can't.]

Week Seven

[Inexorably true statement. And possibly the least likely to care about BB, being moved, = comedy gold. Wonderful.]
Nominations

Spoiler:

Nominated: Lynda Woodruff vs. Richard Fairbrass - my heart </3
No Nominations!: Sally Morgan, Tommy Wiseau and Charles Ingram!
Evicted: Richard Fairbrass!
[I honestly think Su Pollard has charmed the entire nation and has championed an unstoppable force, guys.]

Week Eight

[Of course the TV psychic gets the event about being psychic. Of course. Don't be too hard on yourself, Lynda, and yaaaas @ Lisa/Tommy!]
Nominations

Spoiler:

Nominated: Lynda Woodruff vs. Charles Ingram - I've already had too much go my own way, I'm making peace with her wheels coming off now
No Nominations!: Sally Morgan!
Evicted: Charles Ingram!
[He never really recovered from Emma Willis leaving C5.]

Week Nine

[Yoncé all on the lungs of Anneka?]
Nominations

Spoiler:

Nominated: Lynda Woodruff vs. Lady Bunny - sophie's choice

No Nominations!: Tommy Wiseau, Anneka Rice, Grayson Perry, Crispin Glover and Sally Morgan
Evicted: Lynda </3333
[flames to dust...lovers to friends...]

Week Ten

[I have a feeling the wheels are coming off this series.]
Nominations

Spoiler:

Nominated: Lady Bunny vs. Antonia Okonma vs. Lisa Riley
No Nominations!: Tommy Wiseau, Grayson Perry, Fantasia and Sally Morgan
Evicted: Lisa Riley!
[I have no feelings towards her removal]

Week Eleven

[If there was an event from this series - or any series - that was going to repeat itself, it was sampvt getting a weeklong ban I suppose.]
Nominations

Spoiler:

Nominated: Lady Bunny vs. Antonia Okonma - loving the mixing up this series guys!

No Nominations!: Just Anneka Rice!
Evicted: Lady Bunny!
[can we just @ the two black gals making it to the top 9]

Week Twelve

[a) even I'm bored of the Tatianna references now. b) Crispin Glover sure loves fruit.]
Nominations

Spoiler:

Nominated: Iris Apfel vs. Ingrid Tarrant vs. Antonia Okonma vs. Tommy Wiseau - oh!
No Nominations!: Crispin Glover and Grayson Perry
Evicted: Ingrid Tarrant
[a very satisfactory result!]

Week Thirteen

[I hope Our Anneka has hand sanitiser

and...I can oddly see these two working together to kill children!]
Nominations

Spoiler:

Nominated: Crispin Glover vs. Antonia Okonma vs. Tommy Wiseau
No Nominations!: Anneka Rice and Grayson Perry
Evicted: Tommy Wiseau
[my favourite of the three but oh well!]

Week Fourteen

[Legend Iris

]
Nominations

Spoiler:

Nominated: Fantasia vs. Antonia Okonma vs. Iris Apfel
No Nominations!: Anneka Rice, Crispin Glover and Grayson Perry
Evicted: Antonia Okonma
[COME ON, FANTASIA!!!!!!]

Week Fifteen

[We really should be fine if we get a f3 of Anneka, Fantasia and Iris]
Nominations

Spoiler:

Nominated: Sally Morgan vs. Iris Apfel
No Nominations!: Fantasia and Crispin!
Evicted: Sally Morgan
[didn't see that coming did ya bitch?]

Week Sixteen

[annie r u ok?]
Nominations

Spoiler:

Nominated: Grayson Perry vs. Iris Apfel
No Nominations!: Fantasia!
Evicted: Grayson Perry
[y'all final four better get the **** rid of Crispin!]

Week Seventeen

[THIS 👏 IS 👏 WHY 👏 WE 👏 KEPT 👏 HER 👏]
Nominations

Spoiler:

Nominated: Fantasia vs. Iris Apfel - FFS.
No Nominations!: Anneka!
Evicted: Iris Apfel </3333333333333333333333
[They should've both been finalists

!]

Finale

POOR THAT

Series Popularity

[As with CBB22, Anneka/Fantasia/Lisa is a pretty damn strong top 3]
[The two gender-bending HMs in the bottom 4 of popularity on launch shows we HAVE STILL GOT FAR TO GO, PROGRESSIVE BRITAIN.]
[I don't know why Fabio was so hated.]
[The most popular event was honestly Su Pollard telling BOTS to vote for Lynda to win lmao, she jumped up by 27pts.]
[The least popular event was Lisa Riley telling Tim Westwood to kill himself. She lost 22pts but this wasn't enough for her to not outlast him.]

Statistics
Most Nominations: Iris Apfel (63

)
Fewest Nominations: Christine Walkden (5), Handy Andy (8), Anneka Rice (12)
Most Evictions Survived: Iris Apfel (7), Antonia Okonma & Lynda Woodruff (4)
Never Up for Eviction: Anneka Rice!
Highest Eviction Percentage: 97% for Fabio vs. Lynda Woodruff :/ Su Pollard really did that.
Lowest Eviction Percentage: 43% for Christine vs. Iris Apfel & Antonia Okonma

Braden · 10-02-2017, 08:55 PM

Anneka's win is so reminiscent of Ulrika's. Didn't see it coming (although Iris was ROBBED). Please tell me you're doing an All-Stars at some point? They're too good.

Lizzie Bardsley is a good contender for the next series, if there is one.

MB. · 10-02-2017, 08:55 PM

"Lynda is sexy and Tommy is not and you just have to deal with it" <3
Anneka's Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Week <3

<3 Iris somehow ending up with more nominations than anyone in the history of the show ever <3

What a streak you've been having (that will no doubt come to an end when CBB25 produces a final two of Jane Moore and the Rotenburg Cannibal)

Shaun · 10-02-2017, 09:08 PM

Just noticed that Rowland, Lady Bunny and Lily didn't make the HLs once, and they lasted 19 weeks between them. Disgusting.

Anneka makes 8 appearances.
Tommy Wiseau - 6
Iris, Antonia - 5
Grayson, Sally, Lynda - 4
Lisa, Tim, Crispin - 3
Handy Andy, Ingrid, Richard, Fantasia - 2
King Fabio, Christine, Charles - 1

In a re-run of the series, the final 3 was Lynda/Lisa/Sally, with Lynda winning. These events happened since I don't want them to go to waste tbh:

Mitchell · 11-02-2017, 12:02 PM

Anneka is the biggest cbb icon ever

Amy Jade · 11-02-2017, 02:40 PM

Shaun your BB's are hilarious. I laughed so much at the events

Baddie Winkle needs to be cast!

Mitchell · 11-02-2017, 02:57 PM

My series is coming and being a massive letdown compared to Shaun and MB's

(although Ann Widdecombe and a man in a mask)

Mitchell · 11-02-2017, 05:05 PM

Its here, the fairly average series, but I like the cast so don't bother pretending you don't love it xo

Ann Widdecombe - Politician and professional dancer
Arabella Weir - Author and Comedienne
Baby Bop - from Barney durrr
Brian Blessed - Legendary actor
Buzz Aldrin - Spaceman
Claire Powell - Peter Andre's manager and star of Peter Andre's TV shows

Dick Strawbridge - TV Presenter and moustache model
Dr Chris - This Morning icon
Estelle Harris - Muriel from Suite Life obvs
John Altman - EastEnders legend
Linda Grey - Dallas legend and Hollyoaks icon
Nancy Lam - Chef
Sian Lloyd - Weathergirl
Sue Holderness - Only Fools and Horses legend
Timmy Mallett - Childrens TV legend
Vanilla Ice - Rapper

Week one

Nominated - Dick Strawbridge, Linda Gray, Nancy Lam and Vanilla Ice
No Nominations - Dr Chris and Buzz
Evicted - Nancy Lam (34% to evict)
(thanks Cal for that)

Week two

Nominated - Brian Blessed and Timmy Mallett
No nominations - Ann, Estelle, Sian and Sue
Evicted - Brian Blessed (67% to evict)
(Not Cal being a fan of Dick)

Week three

(Who the **** wants the yoghurt part?!)

Nominated - Baby Bop, Vanilla Ice, Timmy Mallett, Estelle Harris, Dick Strawbridge, Arabella Weir and Ann Widdecombe
No Nominations - Dr Chris and Sue Holderness
Evicted - Baby Bop </3 (23%)

HOW DARE YOU EVICT BABY BOP FROM BARNEY! twats

Week four

I was tempted to use Jack doing a 4000 word essay more as its fairly realistic

Nominated - Sian Lloyd and Timmy Mallett
No nominations - Sue Holderness
Evicted - Sian Lloyd (54%)

Sian is a queen, but at least it wasn't Timmy

Week five

TiBB would HATE him

Nominated - Dick, Estelle and Arabella
No nominations - Buzz Aldrin
Evicted - Dick Strawbridge (47%)
HOW DARE ESTELLE AND DICK HAVE LESS VOTES THAN HER

Week six

Ann is on a self destruction mission

Nominated - Ann, Vanilla Ice, Arabella Weir
No Nominations - Buzz Aldrin
Evicted - Vanilla Ice (42%)

**** off Arabella

Week seven

Dr Chris whipping his hair is doctor goals

Nominated - Ann, Sue Holderness, Dr Chris, Claire from CAN and Arabella Weir
No nominations - John Altman, Estelle Harris and Buzz Aldrin
Evicted - Dr Chris (37%)
At least Sue is safe I guess

Week eight

NOT Brad being Buzz Aldrin

Nominated - Ann Widdecombe, Timmy Mallett, Estelle Harris
No nominations - John and Arabella
Evicted - Timmy Mallett (40%)
Correct evictee

Week nine

Lmao Claire making her first appearance

Nominated - Ann Widdecombe and Linda Gray
No nominations - Sue, John and Buzz
Evicted - Linda Gray (62%)
Linda </3

Week ten

Lmao TiBB at this point would be picketing his house

Nominated - Ann and Estelle
No nominations - John (WTF GUYS?!)
Evicted - Ann Widdecombe (56%)
Correct choice, although why the **** did John survive after that?!

Week eleven

Good old random messages

Nominated - Claire from CAN and Arabella
No nominations - Sue and John
Evicted - Claire from CAN (61%)
FFS Arabella

Week twelve

Not Marlene the slapper

Nominated - Estelle and Arabella
No nominations - John
Evicted - ESTELLE HARRIS </3 (64%)
NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

Week thirteen (apparently i didn't save the events for this

)
Nominated - Buzz Aldrin and Arabella Weir
No nominations - nobody
Evicted - Buzz Aldrin (78%)
BUZZ </3

Third place

(1.28% lmao, teach him to rob Buzz and Estelle of their final place)

Winner

HOW THE **** DID MARLENE NOT WIN?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!??!?!?!?! **** sake.

A good few results, except for Arabella who got rid of all the decent ones

Series 22 coming soon starring a famous duo, someone from a famous duo, two soap icons, a singing legend (who definitely wouldn't do this), Big Brother's oldest housemate ever and Alice Barry.

MB. · 11-02-2017, 05:13 PM

Glorious

CBBwhatevernumberwe'reon now is also coming soon............. x

Ross. · 11-02-2017, 05:24 PM

This is the best thing I've ever read

Mitchell · 11-02-2017, 05:42 PM

Big Brother 22: I had to check all these people were still alive

Alice Barry - Shameless legend
Aretha Franklin - Singing legend
Betty White - ****ing legend
Eddie the Eagle Edwards - Skiing legend
Heather Mills - Erm... Paul McCartney shagging legend?
Judy Finnigan - Richard and Judy without the Richard
June Brown - Dot Cotton from EastEnders
Katherine Ryan - Comedian
MC Hammer - Rapper
Marilyn Manson - Well...
Mr Motivator - Fitness guru
Paul and Barry Chuckle - The Chuckle Brothers
Phill Lewis - Mr Moseby legend
Shaun Williamson - Barry
Trisha Goddard - Religious figure
Wincey Willis - Former newsreader

Week 1

Poor Dot

and not Katherine and Alice's showmance

Nominated - June Brown, Marilyn Manson, Judy Finnigan, Eddie the Eagle and Betty White
No nominations - Wincey WIllis, MC Hammer and Phill Lewis
Evicted - June Brown
ROBBED

Week 2

Finally, we know which twat did it

Nominated - Wincey and Mr Motivator
No nominations - Barry from EastEnders, Heather Mills and Alice Barry
Evicted - Wincey Willis
GOOD.

Week 3

Good old Jayne

Nominated - Betty White and Mr Motivator
No nominations - Trisha Goddard, Barry from EastEnders, Phill Lewis and Katherine Ryan
Evicted - Betty White </3
Betty will always be my queen, regardless of whether she tries to be Mr Motivator or not.

Week 4

Not Judy

Nominated - Mr Motivator and MC Hammer
No nominations - Katherine Ryan and Judy Finnigan
Evicted - MC Hammer
Meh

Week 5

(i forgot i left the Britney scenario in)

Nominated - Mr Motivator and Heather Mills
No nominations - Katherine Ryan, Judy Finnigan and Eddie the Eagle
Evicted - Mr Motivator
Meh

Week 6

Nominated - Trisha Goddard, Phill Lewis, The Chuckle Brothers and Eddie the Eagle
No nominations - Barry, Katherine, Judy and Aretha Franklin
Evicted - Eddie the Eagle Edwards
Best option I guess

Week 7

Not Adam abusing Aretha and thank god for the dream team trying to work out how she won

Nominated - Chuckle Brothers vs Heather Mills
No nominations - Barry, Katherine and Judy
Evicted - The Chuckle Brothers

FFS Heather

Week 8

This scenario gets repetitive.

Nominated -Trisha Goddard and Heather Mills
No nominations - Katherine Ryan, Judy Finnigan and Aretha Franklin
Evicted - Our Trish </3
Why the **** would anyone vote out our Trish?!

Week 9

Alice continuing Trisha's good work

Nominated - Heather Mills, Marilyn Manson and Alice Barry
No nominations - Katherine Ryan and Judy Finnigan
Evicted - Alice Barry NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO OOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

Week 10

thanks for repeating them brantsteele

Nominated - Heather Mills, Phill Lewis and Aretha Franklin
No nominations - Noone
Evicted - Phill Lewis
Why the **** is Heather Mills still here?!

Week 11

Marilyn Manson stealing the show there

Nominations - Marilyn Manson and Heather Mills
No nominations - Katherine Ryan and Aretha Franklin
Evicted - Marilyn Manson

Week 12

Laura and Jayne the resurrection

Nominations - Barry from EastEnders and Judy Finnigan (not the most iconic)
No nominations - Katherine Ryan
Evicted - Judy Finnigan
Lose lose situation tbh

Week 13

Those pesky EastEnders stars with the police on speed dial

Nominations - Barry and Heather Mills
No nominations - Noone
Evicted - Barry from EastEnders (NOT HEATHER RUINING THE PERFECT FINAL 3)

Third place

ROBBED QUEEN

Winner

What is it with boring as **** winners

Series 23 will happen eventually, with an even bigger budget and hopefully less ****ing repeats