[Niamh.]

A little bit of advice for when you talk to him as well, tell him how you feel rather than accusing him of things, these conversations can be very difficult and people tend to get defensive when their own perceived bad behaviour is pointed out. Like instead of saying "You spend too much time on the Xbox" Say "I feel lonely and I wish we could spend more down time together like we used to"

[Kate!]

Yes Niamh that's just what I did do. I never mentioned him spending all his time outside of work on the xbox. I said I didn't feel like a girlfriend etc and I missed how we used to be. He just said he didn't need "all this crap". Great response. Not. So I've gone on strike. I've refused to cook tea again tonight. Things are really bad.

[Niamh.]

I thought you said you talked a bit this morning?

[Kate!]

Originally Posted by Niamh.

I thought you said you talked a bit this morning?

Yes but nothing about the future, just about my doctors appointment. Sorry, I didn't make it sound right. Since then he's still blanking me more or less.

[Niamh.]

Originally Posted by Kate!

Yes but nothing about the future, just about my doctors appointment. Sorry, I didn't make it sound right. Since then he's still blanking me more or less.

Well, if he's not prepared to talk about it or acknowledge there's a problem, then you have to make a choice, put up with it how it is (I couldn't) or move on.

[Ammi]

…is it a timing thing as well, do you think…?…finding a flexed time for you both to open up any conversations and dialogue…?…because that can have a bearing as well, if it’s at a rushed time or a time when focuses are elsewhere like starting your day…?…before you both can reach any other place together, it feels as though there is a lot of talking to do…

[Dogeatdog]

Yh you’s both definitely need to try and talk to each other about how you’s both feel. You mentioned he spends a lot of time on the Xbox, is he or does he seem depressed about something? Is he still upset about what happened in the past? Is he having issues at work or something like that? (I don’t want you to answer that in this thread by the way because that info is personal). It could explain why he’s acting a bit distant from you plus a lot of men (not all tho) do have trouble expressing their feelings.

[thesheriff443]

I’m sorry but a grown man still living with his mum and playing the x box all the time is hardly the catch of the century

If you had your own place Kate you wouldn’t be putting up with that bollox
Neither would anyone on this forum.

[Kate!]

Originally Posted by thesheriff443

I’m sorry but a grown man still living with his mum and playing the x box all the time is hardly the catch of the century

If you had your own place Kate you wouldn’t be putting up with that bollox
Neither would anyone on this forum.

We live with her because she needs someone to be there. She's getting on Sheriff and there are things she can't do. She has mobility problems amongst other things. She's virtually housebound, rarely goes out.

[rusticgal]

Sounds like a bit of a loser to me...tell him to get off his X-box and cook you tea for once.

Only you have the full picture....you need to get some advice from close friends who know you both a lot better than we do.

[Kate!]

Originally Posted by rusticgal

Sounds like a bit of a loser to me...tell him to get off his X-box and cook you tea for once.

Only you have the full picture....you need to get some advice from close friends who know you both a lot better than we do.

He's not a loser Rusti, he works hard and if he treated me more like a girlfriend I'd happily cook his tea every night. But I feel like a nuisance most of the time and I'm sick of it.

[arista]

Good, he Works Hard,
at least.

[Kate!]

I think I've finally made a little bit of a breakthrough. I know he finds it hard to talk.

[Vanessa]

Originally Posted by Kate!

I think I've finally made a little bit of a breakthrough. I know he finds it hard to talk.

I think that's probably it.
Be patient, it's not easy to open up.

[parmnion]

Originally Posted by Kate!

We live with her because she needs someone to be there. She's getting on Sheriff and there are things she can't do. She has mobility problems amongst other things. She's virtually housebound, rarely goes out.

Is it your job to look after her.

[Kate!]

Originally Posted by parmnion

Is it your job to look after her.

Well yes it kind of is Parmy. I may not be married to Karl but she's as good as a mum to me.

[Ammi]

…I’m on the side of you both working it out for a future together….I know that you feel love for him, Kate…and I feel that he does for you too…and I also know how close you are with his mum, that you and she are friends also…and it’s a relationship and family unit that works well for you all…maybe it doesn’t feel that right now with other stresses and problems etc…but I hope that you and he can work through this time……

[rusticgal]

Originally Posted by Kate!

He's not a loser Rusti, he works hard and if he treated me more like a girlfriend I'd happily cook his tea every night. But I feel like a nuisance most of the time and I'm sick of it.

Well that’s good….you just have to talk and compromise.

[Cherie]

Kate the first thing you need to know is whether or not he wants to make the relationship work or if he is happy just pootling along like he is now making zero effort, if he wants to make it work then you have something to go on, if he is happy with how things are then it is up to you to decide how you make your life better for yourself, that doesnt mean leaving immediately or anything but you can start to plan how you can make your life better.

[parmnion]

Move in with Alf

[Glenn.]

Originally Posted by rusticgal

Sounds like a bit of a loser to me...tell him to get off his X-box and cook you tea for once.

Only you have the full picture....you need to get some advice from close friends who know you both a lot better than we do.

The bloke works hard by the sounds of it. Looks after his elderly mother. If he wants to play his computer in his downtime then that’s his right. As far as I understand, Kate doesn’t work, so her contributions are slim.

Kate needs to speak to him. And if he doesn’t want to speak to her then that’s also his right.

[rusticgal]

Originally Posted by Glenn.

The bloke works hard by the sounds of it. Looks after his elderly mother. If he wants to play his computer in his downtime then that’s his right. As far as I understand, Kate doesn’t work, so her contributions are slim.

Kate needs to speak to him. And if he doesn’t want to speak to her then that’s also his right.

Well we don't actually know how much he looks after his mother...if Kate doesn't work then I guess Kate looks after her most of the time...but we dont know that either.
Kate's complaint is that they dont do things together anymore..like the odd night out now and again...

[Kate!]

Originally Posted by rusticgal

Well we don't actually know how much he looks after his mother...if Kate doesn't work then I guess Kate looks after her most of the time...but we dont know that either.
Kate's complaint is that they dont do things together anymore..like the odd night out now and again...

Yes thank you Rusti. It is in fact me that cares for Joan, I do the cooking cleaning and ironing etc. And I keep her company. But Glenn doesn't like to see anything positive about me.

Also an update. We are actually talking now and he's taken on board my feelings. He wants to make it work, so that's the main thing. The relationship is not dead as more than one person has said in here. I'm relieved and a bit happier now.

[Glenn.]

Originally Posted by Kate!

Yes thank you Rusti. It is in fact me that cares for Joan, I do the cooking cleaning and ironing etc. And I keep her company. But Glenn doesn't like to see anything positive about me.

Also an update. We are actually talking now and he's taken on board my feelings. He wants to make it work, so that's the main thing. The relationship is not dead as more than one person has said in here. I'm relieved and a bit happier now.

Well you don’t work do you? It would be different if you both worked and could perhaps do the household chores together but as he works and you don’t, it’s kinda all you can do.

[Kate!]

Originally Posted by Glenn.

Well you don’t work do you? It would be different if you both worked and could perhaps do the household chores together but as he works and you don’t, it’s kinda all you can do.

What?? What the hell are you bleating about now. No I don't work due to health issues. Running a home is work, hard work. I don't expect anyone to help me however. I'm happy to do it all. Plus you're ignoring what I've said. I expect to be treated like a partner, not just a housemate. It's really not too much to ask.

But you jist carry on as you do.