[reecejackox]

So I saw in the daily mirror yesterday 50 signs you are an adult so just wondering when was the first time you felt like an adult

I would say when I got my first job and first pay packet.

[Niamh.]

Not till I was pregnant with my daughter really, I was 21 then

[Livia]

I'll let you all know when it happens.

[user104658]

I left home when I was 19, I had a child and was in full time employment at 24, I had two children at 27.

Honestly? I'd say I started to feel "on par with other adults" (meaning, I look at adults and think of them as the same as me... not "the grown ups" ) when I was about... err... 29 maybe? I'm 32 now

But here's the caveat: It's not that I feel any different... not really... that's just when it suddenly dawned on me that EVERYONE is just muddling through and sort of winging it whether they're 18 and starting University, or 61 and attempting to run the country. It's a strange realisation, in equal parts comforting and terrifying.

[Niamh.]

Originally Posted by Toy Soldier

I left home when I was 19, I had a child and was in full time employment at 24, I had two children at 27.

Honestly? I'd say I started to feel "on par with other adults" (meaning, I look at adults and think of them as the same as me... not "the grown ups" ) when I was about... err... 29 maybe? I'm 32 now

But here's the caveat: It's not that I feel any different... not really... that's just when it suddenly dawned on me that EVERYONE is just muddling through and sort of winging it whether they're 18 and starting University, or 61 and attempting to run the country. It's a strange realisation, in equal parts comforting and terrifying.

That's so true

The only reason i felt like an adult when I was pregnant was the crushing realistion that I now had another human being relying on me for everything

[user104658]

Originally Posted by Niamh.

The only reason i felt like an adult when I was pregnant was the crushing realistion that I now had another human being relying on me for everything

Yeah; that moment when you get handed a newborn in the hospital and realise that you're just going to... take it home and look after it... . Like "Hold on, shouldn't someone be making sure I'm doing this right??"

[Niamh.]

Originally Posted by Toy Soldier

Yeah; that moment when you get handed a newborn in the hospital and realise that you're just going to... take it home and look after it... . Like "Hold on, shouldn't someone be making sure I'm doing this right??"

yeah Up till then my attitude was "**** it, what's the worst that can happen" then suddenly the answer is "YOU COULD KILL SOMEONE"

[Livia]

Babies are easy. You just refer to the manual. Right?

[Vicky.]

I left home at 16, I thought I felt adult then.

I got my first real job soon after. Which again I thought made me feel adult.

I moved abroad, alone when I was 18. Again, felt like an adult

But really, the only thing that has actually made me feel like an adult was having children.

But oddly, I still don't feel like I imagine an adult should feel in most areas of life tbh, if that makes sense? I like I feel like a 20 year old trapped in a 30 year olds body. My 'self' is still exactly the same as it was back then, just I know how to behave more like an adult now, so fake it

[Niamh.]

Originally Posted by Vicky.

I left home at 16, I thought I felt adult then.

I got my first real job soon after. Which again I thought made me feel adult.

I moved abroad, alone when I was 18. Again, felt like an adult

But really, the only thing that has actually made me feel like an adult was having children.

But oddly, I still don't feel like I imagine an adult should feel in most areas of life tbh, if that makes sense? I like I feel like a 20 year old trapped in a 30 year olds body. My 'self' is still exactly the same as it was back then, just I know how to behave more like an adult now, so fake it

I'm pretty sure everyone feels like this

[smudgie]

Originally Posted by Vicky.

I left home at 16, I thought I felt adult then.

I got my first real job soon after. Which again I thought made me feel adult.

I moved abroad, alone when I was 18. Again, felt like an adult

But really, the only thing that has actually made me feel like an adult was having children.

But oddly, I still don't feel like I imagine an adult should feel in most areas of life tbh, if that makes sense? I like I feel like a 20 year old trapped in a 30 year olds body. My 'self' is still exactly the same as it was back then, just I know how to behave more like an adult now, so fake it

Pretty much this apart from moving abroad on my own, and the age difference of course.

[jaxie]

My dad had a lot of health problems and became quite dramatically disabled when I was a young adult and my mum was an alcoholic so I had to be a grown up pretty fast. 16 for me.

[Niamh.]

Originally Posted by jaxie

My dad had a lot of health problems and became quite dramatically disabled when I was a young adult and my mum was an alcoholic so I had to be a grown up pretty fast. 16 for me.

aww

[user104658]

Originally Posted by jaxie

My dad had a lot of health problems and became quite dramatically disabled when I was a young adult and my mum was an alcoholic so I had to be a grown up pretty fast. 16 for me.

Do you not think there's a big difference between self-sufficiency and actually feeling like an adult though? I mean, my situation is sort of similar, my mum was more or less useless from the point at which my gran died (I was 8) and and a full blown alcoholic by the time I was 14, plus my dad tbqfh has always been pretty emotionally absent... I was taking care of my own clothes / cooking my own meals / setting my own agenda by 11 or 12, and I was a totally self sufficient teenager (came and went as I pleased, no questions, could stay out at friends houses without asking, etc etc). No one was particularly concerned with how I was doing at school (which thankfully was very well) and there was certainly no encouragement really...

So yeah, in "practical terms" I was totally self sufficient relatively young, and I think at the time I thought I was very grown up emotionally, but in retrospect I was just a kid doing what was necessary .

[jaxie]

Originally Posted by Toy Soldier

Do you not think there's a big difference between self-sufficiency and actually feeling like an adult though? I mean, my situation is sort of similar, my mum was more or less useless from the point at which my gran died (I was 8) and and a full blown alcoholic by the time I was 14, plus my dad tbqfh has always been pretty emotionally absent... I was taking care of my own clothes / cooking my own meals / setting my own agenda by 11 or 12, and I was a totally self sufficient teenager (came and went as I pleased, no questions, could stay out at friends houses without asking, etc etc). No one was particularly concerned with how I was doing at school (which thankfully was very well) and there was certainly no encouragement really...

So yeah, in "practical terms" I was totally self sufficient relatively young, and I think at the time I thought I was very grown up emotionally, but in retrospect I was just a kid doing what was necessary .

Maybe? There is a part of us that no matter how old you get always feels the same as when you are a young adult. Like you are still that person. But I don't feel like I had time really to carry on being a kid.

[user104658]

Originally Posted by jaxie

Maybe? There is a part of us that no matter how old you get always feels the same as when you are a young adult. Like you are still that person. But I don't feel like I had time really to carry on being a kid.

I guess that's what I mean though; there's a big difference between having to be self sufficient (and even care for others) and be essentially living an "adult life" ... and actually having the emotional maturity / security of adulthood. Basically I think most kids who have to "grow up too fast" don't really grow up, we emulate adulthood, and it's almost certainly unhealthy long term.

But yes I do agree with the first part in general: like I said before, I think a huge part of that "feeling like an adult" is the realisation that "adults" don't necessarily feel how we imagined.

[jaxie]

Originally Posted by Toy Soldier

I guess that's what I mean though; there's a big difference between having to be self sufficient (and even care for others) and be essentially living an "adult life" ... and actually having the emotional maturity / security of adulthood. Basically I think most kids who have to "grow up too fast" don't really grow up, we emulate adulthood, and it's almost certainly unhealthy long term.

But yes I do agree with the first part in general: like I said before, I think a huge part of that "feeling like an adult" is the realisation that "adults" don't necessarily feel how we imagined.

Well I would say I was living the life of an adult at 16 and does everyone at any age really have total maturity/security of adulthood? I know I can have my childish moments or times I feel insecure and I think I'm a pretty grown up, grown up.

[Maru]

Originally Posted by jaxie

Maybe? There is a part of us that no matter how old you get always feels the same as when you are a young adult. Like you are still that person. But I don't feel like I had time really to carry on being a kid.

That's actually an excellent way to describe it, jaxie

[Ammi]

...being an adult is being fully grown and fully developed and I’m not sure I’ve ever felt that in many ways...I guess though, my body became fully grown and fully developed, somewhere in my later teen years..and the law was telling me I could do adult things, I could vote, I could drink alcohol or smoke a cigarette if I wanted to, it’s all legal now, was what I was being told...but I don’t think I felt any different...I stopped being a dependant when I didn’t live with my parents anymore and then eventually had my own little dependants...I don’t think my independence from my parents made me feel I had finally become an adult though ...because I was always asking my parents stuff...mum, how do you cook this or what would you do, this is a bit tricky this situation...how can I do this and that, type of thing....then I had my own dependents, my own children...and that didn’t make me feel adult either, it just made me quite terrified and clueless...if I hadn’t had my mum in those early days of parenthood, who was the real adult...I’m not sure my children would have survived, well my first child anyway...I just screamed help and my mum was there to save my first born from my cluelessness....


....anyways, every stage and every phase I’ve gone through, has just been different in that they’ve become ‘firsts’...so, many aspects have often left me feeling a bit lost and not very adult at all...I have adult children now and being the parent of adult children is different from being the parenting of dependant children...so each day I’m always always learning to try to become an adult with that.....that stepping back to respect their adulthood, while trying to know when they need you to become ‘the adult’ to them again, now and again...and then there are so many other things in life, like illnesses and huge things to overcome, when an adult can become a child again and so desperately need their parents or those around them to take more of an ‘adult role’ for them...I don’t ever want to become ‘an adult’ by definition because I don’t want to become ‘fully’ anything, I want to discover and learn and I want to continue experiencing all of those unknown ‘firsts’, if I’m able to...I’ll become an adult when I die, I guess...that’s something I’ll have to go through and experience completely on my own, so that will probably make me a proper adult and all grown up...

[waterhog]

jaxie you have had it hard.

the cards we are dealt - makes the person we are -

[jaxie]

Originally Posted by waterhog

jaxie you have had it hard.

the cards we are dealt - makes the person we are -

Wise words Hog.

[Marches]

I still don’t feel like an adult and I’m 19

[MTVN]

I still dont. I'm 24 now but still feel the same as when I was 18 really, although I am a massive manchild

[bots]

I'm going to go for a different angle. I'm going to say at the first death of a family member. Nothing makes you grow up faster than that I think, and bring into focus what is and whats not important in life .... which is really what being an adult really is.

[jaxie]

Originally Posted by bitontheslide

I'm going to go for a different angle. I'm going to say at the first death of a family member. Nothing makes you grow up faster than that I think, and bring into focus what is and whats not important in life .... which is really what being an adult really is.

Or the death of a friend. Someone I grew up with died at 16 and that is very sobering too. In fact that year sucked!

It's funny how misery does love company, these things always come in multiples. Like the year my dad died, my 29 year old best friend died too. 3 months apart.