[Gusto Brunt]

I see a lot of young people who have thrown their lives away by the means 0f a ropes or a drug overdose.

Me personally, death scares me. This eternal blackness. My mum died in April gone aged just 57. I think about her, and where she is at. And I think she is nowhere

But so many people die. So tragic. Your thoughts, please.

[Niamh.]

I think alot of people who commit suicide suffer from depression, they probably see it as a way out of a black hole I don't suffer from depression but I have felt "depressed" on occasion, what gets me through it is I know I'll probably wake up the next day and feel better, I can't imagine how it must feel to never see an end to it

[arista]

So much goes wrong in their life
its to hard to live with.

[Kyle]

I suffer from a mental illness that has a high suicide rate so I know too well what it feels like honestly.

It's a feeling I wouldn't wish on my worst enemy. A feeling where you just don't feel you can go in the world yet you have to go against your bodies natural defence protocols and end your life yourself. It's a true feeling of being caught between a rock and hard place and it's scary as hell.

I have the utmost sympathy for people that choose to end their own life. I know how hard it must have been for somebody to ultimately make that decision.

[kirklancaster]

Originally Posted by Kyle

I suffer from a mental illness that has a high suicide rate so I know too well what it feels like honestly.

It's a feeling I wouldn't wish on my worst enemy. A feeling where you just don't feel you can go in the world yet you have to go against your bodies natural defence protocols and end your life yourself. It's a true feeling of being caught between a rock and hard place and it's scary as hell.

I have the utmost sympathy for people that choose to end their own life. I know how hard it must have been for somebody to ultimately make that decision.

My sympathies to you Kyle - I've suffered from bouts of depression over the years, but these were specific to **** I was going through at the time, were short-lived, and nothing like what I imagine you must go through from what you describe. I don't suffer from it as such, but I have been surrounded by it all my life, because my Uncle (43) committed suicide after secretly suffering depression all his life, and my older brother has suffered from it too all his life, and has made several suicide attempts. Two attempts, which were 'superficial', were really 'cries for help', but one was fully intended and he was only saved by a stroke of luck.

In my brother's case, nothing seems to be able to help him, but his prescribed medicines do seem to alleviate its symptoms.

Good luck in coping mate and I wish you well.

[joeysteele]

Originally Posted by Kyle

I suffer from a mental illness that has a high suicide rate so I know too well what it feels like honestly.

It's a feeling I wouldn't wish on my worst enemy. A feeling where you just don't feel you can go in the world yet you have to go against your bodies natural defence protocols and end your life yourself. It's a true feeling of being caught between a rock and hard place and it's scary as hell.

I have the utmost sympathy for people that choose to end their own life. I know how hard it must have been for somebody to ultimately make that decision.

I am really sorry to hear all that Kyle, you have my best wishes and admiration certainly as to how you cope with things.
You are,in my view for one, actually incredible, you are generally on here very upbeat and make great contributions across the board too,so good luck for all you set out to do in the future.

I too think it can be the case that it likely takes more courage for someone to go ahead and end their life than it does not.
I have come across people really depressed and at the end of their tether totally, they just see no point in trying to deal with things,they see no end to the things bringing them down and also sadly feel, no one could or would even try to help them,so they see it as a never ending downward spiral.

Really Kyle, good luck in your situation and I hope things go really well for you.
Given the chance, most people I do think care,it is just sad few seem to make that known that they would understand and care.

[Crimson Dynamo]

Life is hard. I have had a fairly tough time over the last few years and it does enter your mind but I would never do that to the small LTs. I can empathize with people driven to such things. Its dark and scary and little understood.

[Niamh.]

Originally Posted by LeatherTrumpet

Life is hard. I have had a fairly tough time over the last few years and it does enter your mind but I would never do that to the small LTs. I can empathize with people driven to such things. Its dark and scary and little understood.

[Kizzy]

My condolences Gusto for the loss of your mother. It's a topic that raises lots of extreme views usually, I would say that only someone who has never been touched by a mental health issue personally or had someone close to them suffer would ever suggest that it is anything less than a daily struggle.
My heart goes out to anyone touched by depression it's as if you see people swimming whilst you wade through treacle, that's how I would describe it. If you could put it down as a chemical imbalance and medicate and that be the end of it the suicide rate would be much lower, but that's not the case.
I'd say it was a culmination of interior and exterior factors that over time layer up and become less easy to ignore or manage, as if in the jumper of your life you had dropped a stitch then turned out the lights... you know there's a hole but you make more holes trying to carry on than unpicking and starting again.
Medication and therapy to me go hand in glove, and are key to saving lives meds alone are not enough.
I really feel for anyone struggling, it so easy for some to judge but it all stems from ignorance in my view.

[Kyle]

Cheers Kirk and Joey for your extremely kind words but I don't want to change the tone of the OP's thread.

I wanted to show that even here on this forum behind the faceless usernames there are people that have been effected by this as others have come forward and said. It's good that we can all talk about things like this.

[Z]

I've just started taking Prozac (day 2 today!) because I've really been struggling for quite some time with depression and previous bouts have paled in comparison to this time around - I went to a counsellor at the start of the year and did some CBT to try and help get me back to a good place and it worked, but things have gotten a lot worse and I feel very alone. I can understand how people can get to a place where life doesn't seem worth living anymore, and yeah, you are caught between not wanting to carry on and having to brave yourself for committing suicide and having to do it yourself... it must be really, really awful to be so convinced those are your only two options, I'm just glad I'm trying to get help before it gets that bad...

[Natalie.]

I have depression and it's difficult to deal with,it must be so hard to make that decision.They probably see it as a way out and don't want to live with their problems any more. A dark place to be in and I feel for anyone at that point, must be awful.

[Kyle]

I've had fluoxetine as well before Z, it wasn't for me so i'm on Citalopram now and that's better. Different things work for different people though so hope it does the trick mate. If not there are other SSRI's.

[Marsh.]

Originally Posted by Z

I've just started taking Prozac (day 2 today!) because I've really been struggling for quite some time with depression and previous bouts have paled in comparison to this time around - I went to a counsellor at the start of the year and did some CBT to try and help get me back to a good place and it worked, but things have gotten a lot worse and I feel very alone. I can understand how people can get to a place where life doesn't seem worth living anymore, and yeah, you are caught between not wanting to carry on and having to brave yourself for committing suicide and having to do it yourself... it must be really, really awful to be so convinced those are your only two options, I'm just glad I'm trying to get help before it gets that bad...

Don't be surprised if they start to make you feel worse for a few days but once they kick in it changes everything.

[kirklancaster]

Originally Posted by Gusto Brunt

I see a lot of young people who have thrown their lives away by the means 0f a ropes or a drug overdose.

Me personally, death scares me. This eternal blackness. My mum died in April gone aged just 57. I think about her, and where she is at. And I think she is nowhere

But so many people die. So tragic. Your thoughts, please.

Having just seen Gusto's more recent post on another thread, I now think this topic was not posted in earnest.

[rubymoo]

My mum commited suicide when i was 16, she left behind 4 children.

I believe she did it because she thought we'd be better off, i believe she was not thinking logically, and i believe she felt she was the problem and she had to deal with that problem.

Things must have been that bad that she saw no other way out, she must have been numb from feeling any emotion, she must have felt detached from her children, and she must have been exhausted from the amount of pain she had suffered, physically, emotionally and mentally in her life, she was just 34, but what people who commit suicde do not understand or realise is the amount of pain they leave behind, the why's, the what if's, the trying to understand, the constant wish that they were here experiencing life with you, the sadness that lasts a life time.

The reason people commit suicide is because they no longer can cope with the world they live in, there is nothing to live for, and there is no point to their life, and no one will ever understand how they feel unless they've been there themselves, even i can't understand why my mum did it, leaves me thinking that as children, we weren't worth sticking around for, but in reality i know that if my mum knew the pain she'd have caused, then she wouldn't have done it.

And i believe my mum is having her spiritual soul repaired, she will understand in spirit the pain she caused.

And i've forgiven her.

[Niamh.]

aww Ruby

[Crimson Dynamo]

Originally Posted by rubymoo

My mum commited suicide when i was 16, she left behind 4 children.

I believe she did it because she thought we'd be better off, i believe she was not thinking logically, and i believe she felt she was the problem and she had to deal with that problem.

Things must have been that bad that she saw no other way out, she must have been numb from feeling any emotion, she must have felt detached from her children, and she must have been exhausted from the amount of pain she had suffered, physically, emotionally and mentally in her life, she was just 34, but what people who commit suicde do not understand or realise is the amount of pain they leave behind, the why's, the what if's, the trying to understand, the constant wish that they were here experiencing life with you, the sadness that lasts a life time.

The reason people commit suicide is because they no longer can cope with the world they live in, there is nothing to live for, and there is no point to their life, and no one will ever understand how they feel unless they've been there themselves, even i can't understand why my mum did it, leaves me thinking that as children, we weren't worth sticking around for, but in reality i know that if my mum knew the pain she'd have caused, then she wouldn't have done it.

And i believe my mum is having her spiritual soul repaired, she will understand in spirit the pain she caused.

And i've forgiven her.

It looks like you have dealt with it well

I would agree, if I may, that your mother saw no other option available

[rubymoo]

Thanks Niamh and LT

It was a long time ago (over 20 years) but the pain is still very raw, and will be with me til the day i die, meanwhile i have 2 great girls to adore, a husband who's my hero and 2 dogs that love me unconditionally, life for me is good

[Ammi]

Originally Posted by rubymoo

My mum commited suicide when i was 16, she left behind 4 children.

I believe she did it because she thought we'd be better off, i believe she was not thinking logically, and i believe she felt she was the problem and she had to deal with that problem.

Things must have been that bad that she saw no other way out, she must have been numb from feeling any emotion, she must have felt detached from her children, and she must have been exhausted from the amount of pain she had suffered, physically, emotionally and mentally in her life, she was just 34, but what people who commit suicde do not understand or realise is the amount of pain they leave behind, the why's, the what if's, the trying to understand, the constant wish that they were here experiencing life with you, the sadness that lasts a life time.

The reason people commit suicide is because they no longer can cope with the world they live in, there is nothing to live for, and there is no point to their life, and no one will ever understand how they feel unless they've been there themselves, even i can't understand why my mum did it, leaves me thinking that as children, we weren't worth sticking around for, but in reality i know that if my mum knew the pain she'd have caused, then she wouldn't have done it.

And i believe my mum is having her spiritual soul repaired, she will understand in spirit the pain she caused.

And i've forgiven her.

..Ruby....I’m so sorry very about your mum...someone I know committed suicide not that long ago, she hung herself on Mother’s Day and left two young children who I know she loved and were her whole life... and she knew they needed her and in her ‘clearer’ times, she would never ever have left them...but I think that you’re right... I don’t think many of us can ever know how much someone can completely lose themselves and lose any capability to see beyond their pain or their emptiness ..I don’t think that it’s so much not loving their families enough to not end their pain..I think that maybe it’s just that they’re incapable of ‘seeing’ anyone or anything at all at that moment in time and they’re incapable of giving anything of themselves even to the people they love most...of ‘being anyone’ that their family might need because they’re completely ‘empty’..there is nothing to give and there is nothing to be because they don't know how..and that probably adds to their sadness ..that they can't be what they feel their family needs...I don’t know Ruby, maybe in a way, they think that they’re ‘releasing’ the people they love, setting them free from their own pain and the effect of that pain on them and their lives...so in a silly strange way, still an act of love....it's just something that most of us will never understand ....

[user104658]

It's not something I personally understand unless it's for psychological reasons, which it often is. It's very often linked to addiction or disability (mental or physical), not things that you can just discard and move on.

My mum (a chronic alcoholic, for those who haven't seen me mention it elsewhere) attempted suicide a few times over the 15 years of her addiction. Part of it was that she woke up some mornings and saw the mess she had made of her life and her body. Part of it was the ever changing rainbow spectrum of SSRI meds they kept cycling her through, which are just plain ****ing dangerous (they saturate and damage serotonin receptors and can over time make it impossible to feel anything but misery... great little pills.) She also had chronic back pain on and off and on one occasion just couldn't cope with that pain and tried to end it. Another reason for suicide I understand, to be honest - some people are just in too much physical pain to endure it any longer.

She died of liver failure earlier this year and, somewhat ironically, on her death bed she knew that she had "killed herself" (not deliberately, but by pushing her body too far) and in the end she didn't want to die. She regretted it.

Anyway ... err... I guess what I'm saying is that having been close to someone who utterly destroyed herself, I do understand how people get into a pit that is just too deep to ever dig out of. My mum, for example, even if she had had a sudden turnaround psychologically and kicked her addiction, her body was already completely broken and she couldn't have had a "normal" life for a woman of her age (under 60), no matter what. That was unfixable. Some people are just unfixable.

What I don't understand, though, is people who do it because they have gotten themselves into bad personal circumstances / debt spirals, etc. without actual clinical depression... if you're really at rock bottom and ready to kill yourself, I'd say isn't that freeing? Pack a bag, tell everyone to **** off and just... go! Go on an adventure! Rob a bank and go on the run! Do something crazy and exciting. The worst that can happen is that you might die and... you're there anyway!

[Cal.]

They see no other way out, I guess if life gets so hard and they just don't want to live it day to day, they feel as if suicide is the way to get them out of it.

[rubymoo]

Originally Posted by Ammi

..Ruby....I’m so sorry very about your mum...someone I know committed suicide not that long ago, she hung herself on Mother’s Day and left two young children who I know she loved and were her whole life... and she knew they needed her and in her ‘clearer’ times, she would never ever have left them...but I think that you’re right... I don’t think many of us can ever know how much someone can completely lose themselves and lose any capability to see beyond their pain or their emptiness ..I don’t think that it’s so much not loving their families enough to not end their pain..I think that maybe it’s just that they’re incapable of ‘seeing’ anyone or anything at all at that moment in time and they’re incapable of giving anything of themselves even to the people they love most...of ‘being anyone’ that their family might need because they’re completely ‘empty’..there is nothing to give and there is nothing to be because they don't know how..and that probably adds to their sadness ..that they can't be what they feel their family needs...I don’t know Ruby, maybe in a way, they think that they’re ‘releasing’ the people they love, setting them free from their own pain and the effect of that pain on them and their lives...so in a silly strange way, still an act of love....it's just something that most of us will never understand ....

[kirklancaster]

Originally Posted by Toy Soldier

It's not something I personally understand unless it's for psychological reasons, which it often is. It's very often linked to addiction or disability (mental or physical), not things that you can just discard and move on.

My mum (a chronic alcoholic, for those who haven't seen me mention it elsewhere) attempted suicide a few times over the 15 years of her addiction. Part of it was that she woke up some mornings and saw the mess she had made of her life and her body. Part of it was the ever changing rainbow spectrum of SSRI meds they kept cycling her through, which are just plain ****ing dangerous (they saturate and damage serotonin receptors and can over time make it impossible to feel anything but misery... great little pills.) She also had chronic back pain on and off and on one occasion just couldn't cope with that pain and tried to end it. Another reason for suicide I understand, to be honest - some people are just in too much physical pain to endure it any longer.

She died of liver failure earlier this year and, somewhat ironically, on her death bed she knew that she had "killed herself" (not deliberately, but by pushing her body too far) and in the end she didn't want to die. She regretted it.

Anyway ... err... I guess what I'm saying is that having been close to someone who utterly destroyed herself, I do understand how people get into a pit that is just too deep to ever dig out of. My mum, for example, even if she had had a sudden turnaround psychologically and kicked her addiction, her body was already completely broken and she couldn't have had a "normal" life for a woman of her age (under 60), no matter what. That was unfixable. Some people are just unfixable.

What I don't understand, though, is people who do it because they have gotten themselves into bad personal circumstances / debt spirals, etc. without actual clinical depression... if you're really at rock bottom and ready to kill yourself, I'd say isn't that freeing? Pack a bag, tell everyone to **** off and just... go! Go on an adventure! Rob a bank and go on the run! Do something crazy and exciting. The worst that can happen is that you might die and... you're there anyway!

I'm sorry to hear about your mother T.S. -- I had an alcholic Father so I've had first hand experience of this sickness.

I totally agree with the bit I've emboldened, because that's been my exact sentiment on this for years. What is there to lose?.