[Ammi]

..we may not be able to easily contol our feelings but can we control our actions...or do you think we are helpless to resist if we meet our 'soulmate'.

(Inspired by the 41 year old teacher/student thread)

[Jords]

I think its down to personality. Some people can resist their emotions and others easily give-in.

[Me. I Am Salman]

Just get laid and the problems will go away

[Ninastar]

I think when you have a 'soulmate', you like them straight away no matter what and they feel the same. but it's a different feeling to just liking them, if that makes sense.

I actually think it's quite rare and that love now is overrated. A lot of people have no idea what they are talking about when it comes to love. It's a new age thing

[Ammi]

Originally Posted by Salman!

Just get laid and the problems will go away

...very insightful Salman

[CharlieO]

Originally Posted by Salman!

Just get laid and the problems will go away

Says the 14 year old virgin.

Soulmate is a pretty meaningless phrase. It's just a phrase that people use to quantify how much they belong to each other.

Youtube video

I don't think you can help who you are attracted to, but that's it. People have to choose to take it any further than that.

[joeysteele]

I originally thought we weren't, however it's the definition of 'love' likely that is the problem, Niamh made a strong point as to love developing over time citing attraction as the real thing initially.
You Ammi. made similar points. I can see all sides to it.

I guess I have never been 'in love' yet,as opposed to just family/friend love so cannot speak with knowledge.
I have seen people though who have instantly been attracted to someone, they have ended up getting married and staying happy, I have seen people who likely love the person they are with but have problems all the time with them but stay because,they (or they say they are 'in love'), with them.

My own Mum and Dad met at a function when my Mum was 17 and Dad was 20, they say,they instantly fell for each other,my Mum saying to her friends with her, that's the man I will marry.they were married a year later and now have 4 sons and grandchildren.
So I don't know really, I would guess likely you and Niamh are more likely right with the attraction element but like everything else there are likely exceptions and people can fall in love quickly and not totally control that.

I think I will stay single,I think I will definately control what I do as to this being 'in love' thing.

[Ammi]

Originally Posted by Jesus.H.Christ

Soulmate is a pretty meaningless phrase. It's just a phrase that people use to quantify how much they belong to each other.

Youtube video

I don't think you can help who you are attracted to, but that's it. People have to choose to take it any further than that.

Yes, I agree with this..I think I'm with my 'soulmate' because that is what he has become over time..in the first instance, it was no different from any other attraction. It was a choice to develop a relationship, which led to love. I believe we are attracted to many people, in that we find them attractive or they have attractive qualities..that is merely 'appreciating' them...but we choose whether to act on them

Originally Posted by Ammi

Yes, I agree with this..I think I'm with my 'soulmate' because that is what he has become over time..in the first instance, it was no different from any other attraction. It was a choice to develop a relationship, which led to love. I believe we are attracted to many people, in that we find them attractive or they have attractive qualities..that is merely 'appreciating' them...but we choose whether to act on them

Did you watch the YT song? It lays out how improbable it is that the person we end up with, were actually put on earth specifically for us. It's really clever, but then Tim Minchin is the second coming of me.

[Ammi]

Originally Posted by joeysteele

I originally thought we weren't, however it's the definition of 'love' likely that is the problem, Niamh made a strong point as to love developing over time citing attraction as the real thing initially.
You Ammi. made similar points. I can see all sides to it.

I guess I have never been 'in love' yet,as opposed to just family/friend love so cannot speak with knowledge.
I have seen people though who have instantly been attracted to someone, they have ended up getting married and staying happy, I have seen people who likely love the person they are with but have problems all the time with them but stay because,they (or they say they are 'in love'), with them.

My own Mum and Dad met at a function when my Mum was 17 and Dad was 20, they say,they instantly fell for each other,my Mum saying to her friends with her, that's the man I will marry.they were married a year later and now have 4 sons and grandchildren.
So I don't know really, I would guess likely you and Niamh are more likely right with the attraction element but like everything else there are likely exceptions and people can fall in love quickly and not totally control that.

I think I will stay single,I think I will definately control what I do as to this being 'in love' thing.

It's lovely that your parents met like tha Joey and that they obviously both felt the same...sometimes it can be onesided and unrequited love seem be agonising. I've heard similar stories before, of people who believe in 'love at first sight'...maybe I don't believe it because I haven't experienced it...I believe in attraction at first sight..but I believe love...the lasting kind, is built over time. It particularly feels like a an 'excuse' when people who decieve the person they have professed to love and cheat on them.

I like your mum and dad's story though...and I'm glad they met...and made Joey

[Ammi]

Originally Posted by Jesus.H.Christ

Did you watch the YT song? It lays out how improbable it is that the person we end up with, were actually put on earth specifically for us. It's really clever, but then Tim Minchin is the second coming of me.

No..I will watch it, I like Tim Minchin. I think there are many people who we could fall in love with, but we may not necessarily meet them all..or the timing/circumstances may not be correct. I call my OH my 'soulmate' because we have been together so long it feels like we are two halves of a whole...LOL..corny.

[Niall]

I think it's something out of our control to be honest. Sure you can push the feelings down but they won't go away. And of course you can move on too but that affection for the person will still be there.

Thats what I think anyway. Anyone who I've seen who's been in love and lost the person they did love, always still seem to harbour affection for that person even if their relationship wasn't the best. My Mum's an example of this: she was with a guy who shouted and swore at her constantly and still to this day won't say a bad word against him.

[Jessica.]

I don't think it is possible to control love, though you can control your actions.

[arista]

Originally Posted by Jessica.

I don't think it is possible to control love, though you can control your actions.

Wise Words

[thesheriff443]

love needs to be devided up!,
it covers a wide spectrum of emotions and feelings
and depends on the person the time of life past experiences and much more.

[Livia]

I think you have no control when you fall in love with someone. If you're lucky you fall in love with a totally suitable person who returns your love. Lots of people are unlucky enough to fall for a total arse but they still love them completely. Although I think it's possible to "control yourself" and deny yourself, most people wouldn't. However, we're all ready to say that other people should control themselves... as in the teacher/pupil story. We're all judge and jury when it comes to other people's business, especially when we only have a snippet of a story.

[Niamh.]

I think you can stop yourself falling in love with a person yeah. I believe people mistake strong attraction for love, I don't believe you can love someone without knowing them very well first, that's a very shallow idea of love imo. Love is earned and worked at.

[Ammi]

Originally Posted by Niamh.

I think you can stop yourself falling in love with a person yeah. I believe people mistake strong attraction for love, I don't believe you can love someone without knowing them very well first, that's a very shallow idea of love imo. Love is earned and worked at.

Yes I agree, in a lot of ways I think infatuations can feel stronger and more intense than love and therefore mistaken for love but that kind of intensity is hard to sustain..it's possible that they can 'settle' into a deeper love but often they don't

[King Gizzard]

Love is formed over time

I can't help but have these feelings for Niamh I'm sorry

[Niamh.]

Originally Posted by Ammi

Yes I agree, in a lot of ways I think infatuations can feel stronger and more intense than love and therefore mistaken for love but that kind of intensity is hard to sustain..it's possible that they can 'settle' into a deeper love but often they don't

Yes, I agree. But I suppose "Love" is just a word and it depends what each person considers to be love. For me, it's all about actions speaking louder than words. Someone could tell me they loved me but I wouldn't believe they really did unless I already knew they loved me by the way they are with me and things they've done for me etc.

[Niamh.]

Originally Posted by Nathan

Love is formed over time

I can't help but have these feelings for Niamh I'm sorry

It's ok Nathan, you're not the first

[Ammi]

Originally Posted by Niamh.

Yes, I agree. But I suppose "Love" is just a word and it depends what each person considers to be love. For me, it's all about actions speaking louder than words. Someone could tell me they loved me but I wouldn't believe they really did unless I already knew they loved me by the way they are with me and things they've done for me etc.

Yes..people know when they feel loved and it changes how they feel about themselves, I think. If you are loved you feel..I don't know...'empowered'..like someone believes in you and that gives you confidence..does that sound stupid...saying you love someone means nothing if your actions contradict it.

Originally Posted by Niamh.

It's ok Nathan, you're not the first

...or the last, I would say

[thesheriff443]

its all about knowing the difference between love and lust,
over time you can fall in love with someone but you can also fall out of love

[Shaun]

anyone who's been in a situation of unrequited love will quite vehemently deny it