[kirklancaster]

Yesterday my wife and I and my son and his girlfriend took my two little granddaughters to a Country Park.

We had just eaten and outside the restaurant, I leant on a railing in the warm sunshine while they went into one of the 'Farm Shops'.

It was pretty busy - as always on a Summery day - with people toi-ing and fro-ing and a few bystanders.

I SWEAR on my granddaughters lives that this is perfectly true.

One guy in his late 20's to early 30's was holding a half-full glass of lager and on a mobile phone. He looked at me then raised his voice to whoever he was talking to as he walked towards me.

"I'll do the weight. No problem. I've got another week yet. I'm going for the knockout. My Bodyfat is 13%....."

I mentally smiled to myself because this guy had on jeans and a cap-sleeved V neck 'T' shirt and he was OBVIOUSLY in no sort of athletic condition let alone a pre-fight one.

All the time he was walking and talking he was looking at me and still talking too loudly:

"Naah, no problem. I've been sparring with Lee Selby... He's the best. He's gonna KO that Josh Warrington..."

(For non-boxing members Lee Selby is Welsh and the current IBF Featherweight Champion and Josh Warrington is a gifted Leeds boxer and the two are scheduled to fight for the title on May 19th.)

This chump is now standing about "12" away from me, looking at me sideways, and still talking loudly into his mobile in between taking gulps of his lager:

"Don't worry, I'm on track. I'm Road-Running tomorrow at four in the morning.... I'm gonna knock him out... No danger. You can bet on it."

I looked directly at him and said: "I'll put a few quid on you".

He nodded, said "Thanks", then went back to his phone:

"My left's my shot... I'm going to knock him out with it...."

After another minute or so, I had heard enough B.S. and walked towards the Farm Shop where my family had gone just as they were emerging.

About 5 minutes later - as we were walking towards the Country Park Museum the same guy is walking the same way - now minus his phone - and he stops and says: "Thanks for the confidence vote. It means a lot."

I said; "No problem. Good Luck with your bout. Have you been on any televised bouts? I seem to know your face".

He nodded so I asked; "What's your name?"

He faltered then said; "Scott Quigg" and I had to fight to prevent myself laughing out loud but just said; "Oh, I've heard of you".

(Scott Quigg is a brilliant hard little boxer from Bury in Lancashire who held the W.B.A. Super-Bantamweight title until 2016)

This guy nodded then walked off.

Scott Quigg is half this guy's size, lean as a greyhound and speaks with a Lancashire accent.

This guy did not speak or look like Scott Quigg and he certainly was NOT Scott Quigg.

My wife asked me what that was all about and who the guy was and I explained then she laughed and asked 'why it was that I 'attract' all the nutters' and I wish that I knew.

Still, a least 'Scott' was harmless.

[Kazanne]

Originally Posted by kirklancaster

Yesterday my wife and I and my son and his girlfriend took my two little granddaughters to a Country Park.

We had just eaten and outside the restaurant, I leant on a railing in the warm sunshine while they went into one of the 'Farm Shops'.

It was pretty busy - as always on a Summery day - with people toi-ing and fro-ing and a few bystanders.

I SWEAR on my granddaughters lives that this is perfectly true.

One guy in his late 20's to early 30's was holding a half-full glass of lager and on a mobile phone. He looked at me then raised his voice to whoever he was talking to as he walked towards me.

"I'll do the weight. No problem. I've got another week yet. I'm going for the knockout. My Bodyfat is 13%....."

I mentally smiled to myself because this guy had on jeans and a cap-sleeved V neck 'T' shirt and he was OBVIOUSLY in no sort of athletic condition let alone a pre-fight one.

All the time he was walking and talking he was looking at me and still talking too loudly:

"Naah, no problem. I've been sparring with Lee Selby... He's the best. He's gonna KO that Josh Warrington..."

(For non-boxing members Lee Selby is Welsh and the current IBF Featherweight Champion and Josh Warrington is a gifted Leeds boxer and the two are scheduled to fight for the title on May 19th.)

This chump is now standing about "12" away from me, looking at me sideways, and still talking loudly into his mobile in between taking gulps of his lager:

"Don't worry, I'm on track. I'm Road-Running tomorrow at four in the morning.... I'm gonna knock him out... No danger. You can bet on it."

I looked directly at him and said: "I'll put a few quid on you".

He nodded, said "Thanks", then went back to his phone:

"My left's my shot... I'm going to knock him out with it...."

After another minute or so, I had heard enough B.S. and walked towards the Farm Shop where my family had gone just as they were emerging.

About 5 minutes later - as we were walking towards the Country Park Museum the same guy is walking the same way - now minus his phone - and he stops and says: "Thanks for the confidence vote. It means a lot."

I said; "No problem. Good Luck with your bout. Have you been on any televised bouts? I seem to know your face".

He nodded so I asked; "What's your name?"

He faltered then said; "Scott Quigg" and I had to fight to prevent myself laughing out loud but just said; "Oh, I've heard of you".

(Scott Quigg is a brilliant hard little boxer from Bury in Lancashire who held the W.B.A. Super-Bantamweight title until 2016)

This guy nodded then walked off.

Scott Quigg is half this guy's size, lean as a greyhound and speaks with a Lancashire accent.

This guy did not speak or look like Scott Quigg and he certainly was NOT Scott Quigg.

My wife asked me what that was all about and who the guy was and I explained then she laughed and asked 'why it was that I 'attract' all the nutters' and I wish that I knew.

Still, a least 'Scott' was harmless.

Well that was random Kirk , some people eh? pretending to be something they are not , he was probably some sad sack who really had nothing going for him so had to invent a persona ,that will teach you to hang about outside.

[Crimson Dynamo]

Did this happen in Harmschapel?

[kirklancaster]

Originally Posted by Kazanne

Well that was random Kirk , some people eh? pretending to be something they are not , he was probably some sad sack who really had nothing going for him so had to invent a persona ,that will teach you to hang about outside.

I think it's the fact that despite being one year old than Moses now Kaz, I still look like a 'boxer' to him so I think he was trying to impress me.

Still, that's better than the past 30 years when dick-heads always tried to pick fights with me.

I'd just hit them with my Zimmer now Kaz.

[kirklancaster]

Originally Posted by LeatherTrumpet

Did this happen in Harmschapel?

It is perfectly true LT. (By the way, I KNOW the Blake Hart Mysteries. )

[Kazanne]

Originally Posted by kirklancaster

I think it's the fact that despite being one year old than Moses now Kaz, I still look like a 'boxer' to him so I think he was trying to impress me.

Still, that's better than the past 30 years when dick-heads always tried to pick fights with me.

I'd just hit them with my Zimmer now Kaz.

Good on you Kirk for looking after yourself so well,and it will be years before you need a zimmer frame.Do you still work out?

[thesheriff443]

You made the maistake of making eye contact, if you don't look at them in the face they catch attach themselves to you!

[kirklancaster]

Originally Posted by Kazanne

Good on you Kirk for looking after yourself so well,and it will be years before you need a zimmer frame.Do you still work out?

No Kaz. I underwent tests for 'rogue' cells they found during a 'routine' check up last year - had 2 x biopsies done etc - but recently given the 'All Clear'.

I stopped training last year and am now growing old gracefully.

I'm still told that I look 'good for my age' though - which always pleases me until I ask them how old they think I am and they say; "83?"

[bots]

Dear Kirk,

There are loads of strange people in the park, I see them all the time.

Best

Barry McGuigan

[kirklancaster]

Originally Posted by bitontheslide

Dear Kirk,

There are loads of strange people in the park, I see them all the time.

Best

Barry McGuigan

[Crimson Dynamo]

Originally Posted by kirklancaster

It is perfectly true LT. (By the way, I KNOW the Blake Hart Mysteries. )

No I mean it sounds like a promo excerpt for Robs new thriller

where the you are drawn into the fake boxers life and a whole series of boxing related murders occur at various farm shops around the Cockermouth area

[kirklancaster]

Originally Posted by LeatherTrumpet

No I mean it sounds like a promo excerpt for Robs new thriller

where the you are drawn into the fake boxers life and a whole series of boxing related murders occur at various farm shops around the Cockermouth area

You may have just given him an idea for his next book.

[Beso]

Originally Posted by LeatherTrumpet

No I mean it sounds like a promo excerpt for Robs new thriller

where the you are drawn into the fake boxers life and a whole series of boxing related murders occur at various farm shops around the Cockermouth area

Talking if cockermouth...this is also a true story, but im not swearing on anyones life.


I was sitting in a motorway cafe next to 2 lorry drivers ejo were chatting to the elderly waitress...

"Hi son, where are you from" she asked one of them.

Saltburn he said
Eh, pardon..she said..

Saltburn

Eh


SALTBURN
..

eh..

At this point he picked up a salt sachet and tossed it in the fire...


Ah saltburn she said..


At this the 2nd driver got up and walked out.


I saw him outside and asked him whats up..


"Im from cockermouth" he said.

[smudgie]

Originally Posted by parmnion

Talking if cockermouth...this is also a true story, but im not swearing on anyones life.


I was sitting in a motorway cafe next to 2 lorry drivers ejo were chatting to the elderly waitress...

"Hi son, where are you from" she asked one of them.

Saltburn he said
Eh, pardon..she said..

Saltburn

Eh


SALTBURN
..

eh..

At this point he picked up a salt sachet and tossed it in the fire...


Ah saltburn she said..


At this the 2nd driver got up and walked out.


I saw him outside and asked him whats up..


"Im from cockermouth" he said.

“Oh I do like to be beside the seaside”
I love Saltburn..all three of my sister-in-laws live there.

[thesheriff443]

Originally Posted by smudgie

“Oh I do like to be beside the seaside”
I love Saltburn..all three of my sister-in-laws live there.

Typical not one from cockermouth

[Nicky91]

[Cherie]

That’s what you get for not going to the farm shop

[Cherie]

Originally Posted by bitontheslide

Dear Kirk,

There are loads of strange people in the park, I see them all the time.

Best

Barry McGuigan

[kirklancaster]

Originally Posted by Cherie

That’s what you get for not going to the farm shop

It's so bloody boring: the same things on sale every time, the same ritual every time, the same stuff bought every time - at an inflated price.

STUFF 'farm-produced' meat and sausages and 'Strawberry Preserve in tiny little jars with homemade labels and gingham covers on the caps - it's BLOODY JAM but at TWICE the price of Chivers or Hartleys and 1/3rd of the size.

Anyway, I'm in need of some sun on my face.