[Jessica.]

How do men exercise on the beach?

Spoiler:

By sucking in their stomachs every time they see a bikini.

[Iceman]

After a quarrel, a wife said to her husband, 'You know, I was a fool when I married you.' The husband replied, 'Yes, dear, but I was in love and didn't notice.'

[Jessica.]

How do you get a man to stop biting his nails?

Spoiler:

Make him wear shoes.

[Smithy]

My girlfriend told me last Christmas she wanted something suprising and sexy.

Turned out she didn't mean rape.

[Jords]

Yo momma so short she does pull-ups on a staple.

[Niamh.]

Why did the chicken cross the road?

Spoiler:

To get to the other side

[Jessica.]

How do you keep your husband from reading your e-mail?

Spoiler:

Rename the mail folder "Instruction Manuals."

[30stone]

[Iceman]

Originally Posted by niamhxo

why did the chicken cross the road?

Spoiler:

to get to the other side

lol

[Jords]

Why did the orange stop rolling down the hill?

Spoiler:

Because it ran out of juice

[Niamh.]

Originally Posted by Jords

Why did the orange stop rolling down the hill?

Spoiler:

Because it ran out of juice

hahahahahaha

[Iceman]

Men Are Just Happier People

* Your last name stays put.
* The garage is all yours.
* Wedding plans take care of themselves.
* You can never be pregnant.
* Chocolate is just another snack.
* You can open all your own jars.
* You can play with toys all your life.
* You don't have to stop and think of which way to turn a nut on a bolt.
* Car mechanics tell you the truth.
* Your underwear is $9.95 for a three-pack.
* You never have strap problems in public.
* People never stare at your chest when you're talking to them.
* New shoes don't cut, blister, or mangle your feet.
* You can 'do' your nails with a pocket knife.
* Three pairs of shoes are more than enough.
* You! are unable to see wrinkles in your clothes.
* Everything on your face stays its original colour.
* You have freedom of choice concerning growing a moustache.
* You get extra credit for the slightest act of thoughtfulness.
* You can do Christmas shopping for 25 relatives on December 24 in 25 minutes.

[Smithy]

A blonde was admitted into hospital for having phone sex. Doctors removed 2 Nokias, 1 Samsung, 2 Motorolas, but no Siemens were found.

[Jessica.]

How many men does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Spoiler:

One-He just holds it up there and waits for the world to revolve around him.

[Chantel]

Why do men prefer blondes?
Men always like intellectual company.

[Smithy]

How do you get 500 cows in a barn?

Put a bingo sign on top of it!

[Jessica.]

What do you call a man with half a brain?

Spoiler:

Gifted.

[Chantel]

A woman of 35 thinks of having children. What does a man of 35 think of?
Dating children

[Smithy]

I like my women like I like my whiskey: kept in a cellar and only brought out when a select group of friends come round...

[Jessica.]

What's the difference between Big Foot and intelligent man?

Spoiler:

Big Foot's been spotted a several times.

[InOne]

I went to Saudi Arabia recently. They have some amazing laws over there... You know women can't drive? Well over there it's illegal too!

[30stone]

Originally Posted by Jessica..

What do you call a man with half a brain?

Spoiler:

Gifted.

What do you call a woman with 2 brian cells?

Spoiler:

Pregnant

[InOne]

Women's intuition.

Women call it, "women's intuition", men call it, "automatically thinking you're right without having to think too much".

[Smithy]

Originally Posted by 30stone

What do you call a woman with 2 brian cells?

Spoiler:

Pregnant

Ben that doesnt really help

[30stone]

Simple mistake from typing quickly.

I see no women saw it