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Old 11-09-2012, 04:03 PM #1
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Red face The Jokes Thread

Add jokes, that is all.



My mum bought a rape alarm the other day:

Spoiler:

I said don't ******ing flatter yourself.



What do you call a chicken with lettuce in its eyes?
Spoiler:

Chicken sees a salad
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Quote:
Originally Posted by MTVN

Anyway there's an explanation and I don't really appreciate your tone. It's very aggressive so I'm going to close this, sorry for killing the internet mate
Niamh is younger than me and far more beautiful


Last edited by Benjamin; 11-09-2012 at 04:04 PM.
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Old 11-09-2012, 04:06 PM #2
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Dear God!
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Old 11-09-2012, 04:07 PM #3
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Holy **** they were awful
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Old 11-09-2012, 04:08 PM #4
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*waits on Niamh saying "whats brown and sticky?"*

Last edited by Josy; 11-09-2012 at 04:08 PM.
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Old 11-09-2012, 04:09 PM #5
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I have recently been battling with a tough hokey cokey addiction, thankfully though I've turned myself around, and that's what it's all about

Last edited by MTVN; 11-09-2012 at 04:12 PM.
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Old 11-09-2012, 04:10 PM #6
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I don't see better jokes from you wenches.
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Quote:
Originally Posted by MTVN

Anyway there's an explanation and I don't really appreciate your tone. It's very aggressive so I'm going to close this, sorry for killing the internet mate
Niamh is younger than me and far more beautiful

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Old 11-09-2012, 04:11 PM #7
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Don't give up your day job.

(Or night job in your case xo)
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Old 11-09-2012, 07:36 PM #8
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A man is asked to give an after dinner speech at his local Rotary Club stag dinner, and decides to give a witty talk on oral sex. When his wife asked what he was going to speak about, he panicked and said “Oh… erm… sailing”. A few weeks later his wife sees one of the other Rotary club members in town and asks him how he liked her husband’s talk. He said it was brilliant and brought the house down! “Funny,” said his wife, “he’s only ever done it twice; once he was sick and once his hat blew off”.

Last edited by Livia; 11-09-2012 at 07:36 PM.
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Old 11-09-2012, 07:47 PM #9
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Smithy

that's the joke
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You're giving me a million reasons about a million reasons

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Old 11-09-2012, 07:50 PM #10
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How i charmed my GF

Why did the toilet roll roll down the hill??









TO GET TO THE BOTTOM!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


Been together for 2 years
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Spoiler:


Sig stretching forum, fix it.
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Old 11-09-2012, 09:06 PM #11
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why did the chicken cross the road

Spoiler:

a chicken rapist was walking towards him on the same side of the street and it made him feel uneasy so he just crossed over
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Old 11-09-2012, 09:09 PM #12
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what's the difference between a dead baby and a horse

Spoiler:

no its becky
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You're giving me a million reasons about a million reasons

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Old 11-09-2012, 09:11 PM #13
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whats brown and sticky?

Spoiler:

My cock.
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Old 11-09-2012, 09:23 PM #14
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Shaun View Post
what's the difference between a dead baby and a horse

Spoiler:

no its becky
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Old 11-09-2012, 10:56 PM #15
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Doctors say that masturbation is a natural, healthy, and normal thing to do. That's a relief.

Spoiler:

I was beginning to think having a wank to this fat blonde covered in her own vomit sucking off a 3 legged donkey wasn't normal.
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Last edited by Joelle.; 11-09-2012 at 10:57 PM.
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Old 11-09-2012, 11:05 PM #16
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ukturtle
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Old 11-09-2012, 11:06 PM #17
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What is yellow, has wheels and lies on its back?


Spoiler:

A school bus after a horrible traffic accident, in which many children are severly injured.
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Old 11-09-2012, 11:08 PM #18
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why did nathan cross the road

Spoiler:

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Old 11-09-2012, 11:16 PM #19
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I got in touch with my inner self today.

Spoiler:

That's the last time I buy Tesco Value toilet roll.
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Old 13-09-2012, 11:26 AM #20
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Shaun View Post
Smithy

that's the joke
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Old 13-09-2012, 12:49 PM #21
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a lady walks into a butchers shop and says

'have you got a sheep's head?'

the butcher replies

'no, it's just my hairstyle'
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Old 15-09-2012, 08:33 AM #22
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I called the hotel management from the hotel room and said, "Please, come quick. I'm having an argument with my wife and she says she'll jump out the window of your hotel".

"That is a personal matter". answered the hotel manager.

"**** you!" I screamed. "The window won't open so that's a maintenance matter."
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Quote:
Originally Posted by MTVN

Anyway there's an explanation and I don't really appreciate your tone. It's very aggressive so I'm going to close this, sorry for killing the internet mate
Niamh is younger than me and far more beautiful


Last edited by Benjamin; 15-09-2012 at 08:33 AM.
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Old 15-09-2012, 08:48 AM #23
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How do you make anti-freeze?

Spoiler:

hide her nightie
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Old 15-09-2012, 08:49 AM #24
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How do you make a sausage roll?

Spoiler:

Give it a shove
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Old 15-09-2012, 08:52 AM #25
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I went to see the Red Arrows today.

There were gasps of "Ooh" and "Aah" as the crowds watched on in amazement. Near miss after near miss had some people covering their eyes and shaking their heads in disbelief.

It was a good half hour's worth of entertainment, but in the end, my wife finally managed to park the car and we made our way to the air show.
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Quote:
Originally Posted by MTVN

Anyway there's an explanation and I don't really appreciate your tone. It's very aggressive so I'm going to close this, sorry for killing the internet mate
Niamh is younger than me and far more beautiful

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