[Benjamin]

Add jokes, that is all.



My mum bought a rape alarm the other day:

Spoiler:

I said don't ******ing flatter yourself.

What do you call a chicken with lettuce in its eyes?

Spoiler:

Chicken sees a salad

[Kate!]

Dear God!

[Josy]

Holy **** they were awful

[Josy]

*waits on Niamh saying "whats brown and sticky?"*

[MTVN]

I have recently been battling with a tough hokey cokey addiction, thankfully though I've turned myself around, and that's what it's all about

[Benjamin]

I don't see better jokes from you wenches.

[Black Dagger]

Don't give up your day job.

(Or night job in your case xo)

[Livia]

A man is asked to give an after dinner speech at his local Rotary Club stag dinner, and decides to give a witty talk on oral sex. When his wife asked what he was going to speak about, he panicked and said “Oh… erm… sailing”. A few weeks later his wife sees one of the other Rotary club members in town and asks him how he liked her husband’s talk. He said it was brilliant and brought the house down! “Funny,” said his wife, “he’s only ever done it twice; once he was sick and once his hat blew off”.

[Shaun]

Smithy

that's the joke

[Legend killer]

How i charmed my GF

Why did the toilet roll roll down the hill??









TO GET TO THE BOTTOM!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


Been together for 2 years

[Fetch The Bolt Cutters]

why did the chicken cross the road

Spoiler:

a chicken rapist was walking towards him on the same side of the street and it made him feel uneasy so he just crossed over

[Shaun]

what's the difference between a dead baby and a horse

Spoiler:

no its becky

[LemonJam]

whats brown and sticky?

Spoiler:

My cock.

[Fetch The Bolt Cutters]

Originally Posted by Shaun

what's the difference between a dead baby and a horse

Spoiler:

no its becky

[Joelle.]

Doctors say that masturbation is a natural, healthy, and normal thing to do. That's a relief.

Spoiler:

I was beginning to think having a wank to this fat blonde covered in her own vomit sucking off a 3 legged donkey wasn't normal.

[King Gizzard]

ukturtle

[King Gizzard]

What is yellow, has wheels and lies on its back?

Spoiler:

A school bus after a horrible traffic accident, in which many children are severly injured.

[Fetch The Bolt Cutters]

why did nathan cross the road

Spoiler:

[Joelle.]

I got in touch with my inner self today.

Spoiler:

That's the last time I buy Tesco Value toilet roll.

[Smithy]

Originally Posted by Shaun

Smithy

that's the joke

[fruit_cake]

a lady walks into a butchers shop and says

'have you got a sheep's head?'

the butcher replies

'no, it's just my hairstyle'

[Benjamin]

I called the hotel management from the hotel room and said, "Please, come quick. I'm having an argument with my wife and she says she'll jump out the window of your hotel".

"That is a personal matter". answered the hotel manager.

"**** you!" I screamed. "The window won't open so that's a maintenance matter."

[Lee.]

How do you make anti-freeze?

Spoiler:

hide her nightie

[Lee.]

How do you make a sausage roll?

Spoiler:

Give it a shove

[Benjamin]

I went to see the Red Arrows today.

There were gasps of "Ooh" and "Aah" as the crowds watched on in amazement. Near miss after near miss had some people covering their eyes and shaking their heads in disbelief.

It was a good half hour's worth of entertainment, but in the end, my wife finally managed to park the car and we made our way to the air show.