[Kizzy]

It is stating the obvious but it's not very tactful is it, would you really want to come across as rude in front of a colleague?

[Greg!]

If you absolutely needed to distinguish between two people and there was no other way to differentiate them I would say "the bigger lady" because it's rude to call her fat but that's just me

[Shaun]

I'd generally go to what they're wearing (colour-wise), hair colour or style before their literal size.

[JerseyWins]

Also yeah, even as a final alternative to describe someone, I wouldn't literally say "the fat one" I'd go for "the one that's a little bigger" "a little overweight" or something like that.

[rusticgal]

Originally Posted by Oliver_W

Sure it's acceptable. If Tom needs to know which one to speak to, gotta be specific!

If she didn't want to be called fat, she should eat less.

Being fat is not always due to someone being over indulgent with food...it could be caused by medication or an inability to exercise due to an injury etc.
I would refer to someone as the 'larger lady' if there was no other way to distinguish her to the other.
It's called being 'tactful' and respectful.

[Crimson Dynamo]

Originally Posted by rusticgal

Being fat is not always due to someone being over indulgent with food...it could be caused by medication or an inability to exercise due to an injury etc.
I would refer to someone as the 'larger lady' if there was no other way to distinguish her to the other.
It's called being 'tactful' and respectful.

So you would lie

[Toy Soldier]

BH if you're going to say anything regarding weight you might as well just say fat. No one is going to be LESS offended by being called "the larger lady" than "the fat lady"... I mean... unless they're not the brightest - they know what you mean. Either don't mention physical attributes at all, or just go with it .

Of course the ACTUAL polite thing to do, would be to introduce yourself to people and learn their name in the first place and then remember it.

[Cherie]

Originally Posted by Toy Soldier

BH if you're going to say anything regarding weight you might as well just say fat. No one is going to be LESS offended by being called "the larger lady" than "the fat lady"... I mean... unless they're not the brightest - they know what you mean. Either don't mention physical attributes at all, or just go with it .

Of course the ACTUAL polite thing to do, would be to introduce yourself to people and learn their name in the first place and then remember it.

Larger

[Niamh.]

Originally Posted by Toy Soldier

BH if you're going to say anything regarding weight you might as well just say fat. No one is going to be LESS offended by being called "the larger lady" than "the fat lady"... I mean... unless they're not the brightest - they know what you mean. Either don't mention physical attributes at all, or just go with it .

Of course the ACTUAL polite thing to do, would be to introduce yourself to people and learn their name in the first place and then remember it.

[Beso]

As long as she doesnt hear i guess its ok.

[Ammi]

Originally Posted by LeatherTrumpet

2 work collegues discussing some new workers at work. "can you get someone to cover for mandy on the front desk?" says Tom. "Yes" says Marc "there is one of the new ones that has that very experience" "Oh?" says Tom "which one?"

Now Marc has not got the names to hand but he has met them as has Tom, briefly

"the em, the fat lady" says Marc

"aaah" right says Tom I will go and ask her

Now as Jesy is the only fat lady (she is 18 stone and 5 foot 6") Marc was efficient in going for the most recognisable aspect for Tom and indeed Jesy is a fat lady due to lifestyle choices.


But is that acceptable if not why?

...’lifestyle choices’...can be enforced in many cases, so not really choices as such at all...obesity in children is classed as child abuse...and that ‘abuse’ can become typical behaviour patterns... of how someone addresses stresses../..anxieties etc in their lives...that drawing from childhood and ‘comfort’...typical behaviour patterns are very hard to change but more can ‘yoyo’ In adult life...because the will and determination to change may be there...but it’s too hard to sustain what has become ‘typical’...no different to any of our behaviour, which is very often linked to childhood...or maybe specific ‘traumas’ or fears etc in younger years..’fat’ is just a label, quite a cruel and blunt label that would only make someone feel worse about something they may hate in themselves already...we all get annoyed with ourselves, why do I do that, why do I react this way or that way etc...because it’s our ‘typical’ and what we sadly often do and often hate ourselves for..the same with eating for many people...not self-inflicted at all but something inflicted on someone...and very hard to gain ‘control’ over for a ‘permanent fix’....


...why would someone want to say ‘the fat one’, anyway...That would reflect more on them and their ‘behaviour pattern’ to feel that’s all they can see in someone, or that they see that as the most noticeable, descriptive thing..quality in someone...there would always be something else to describe in a person, other than a weight thing...it’s a lazy descriptive and an unnecessarily cruel one...

[Ammi]

..why is it so often about ‘acceptable’...surely we all have our own ‘acceptable’../...we each decide and have that freedom...if we think and feel it’s acceptable then it’s acceptable....’acceptable’ just won’t always have any value though and can be quite tunnel visioned as well...prevent from actually seeing a person beyond any physical appearance...

[Northern Monkey]

You have to say ‘The dietarily challenged one’ in today’s PC gaaawn maayaad culture

[Ammi]

..people don’t ‘have’ to say anything though, NM...there is no have to and there is no PC and there is no specific culture...people can refer to and use a descriptive of the ‘fat one’ if that’s what they prefer...but what would be the value in choosing to use a descriptive that could be very hurtful or offend etc something about someone that they could hate about themselves, would it be some type of satisfaction thing, a feeling of freedom, type thing..?... to use a descriptive for someone for something that could for various reasons, be beyond their control...I mean I just don’t get it...that ‘acceptable’ is something that seems the thing...so much is ...oh back in the day, this could be said and that could be said but oh, uh....PC culture now...but back in the day, in the day I knew of...people found their own ‘acceptability’ and remained thoughtful in their words...there was understanding of just not ‘hurting’ people unnecessarily....there was no ‘needing’ to be told of an ‘acceptablity’...or to ask what would be an acceptability...so far as weight is concerned...it would be very rare for thoughtless words from strangers or work colleagues who are not close friends and genuinely concerned to have an ‘impact’ of ‘helping’...but it would be very easy for those thoughtless words to have an impact of someone only been made to feel lower about themselves...and I think we all do a pretty successful job of feeling lower about ourselves and critical of ourselves already...there is no ‘help’ needed from anyone else...other than those who we are close to in our lives, who are feeling genuine concern....’obesity’ is something to be addressed in terms of health issues obviously...but not addressed in terms of ‘fat shaming’ diescriptives, which only serve to counter any genuine concerns...

[Alf]

Youtube video

[Northern Monkey]

Originally Posted by Ammi

..people don’t ‘have’ to say anything though, NM...there is no have to and there is no PC and there is no specific culture...people can refer to and use a descriptive of the ‘fat one’ if that’s what they prefer...but what would be the value in choosing to use a descriptive that could be very hurtful or offend etc something about someone that they could hate about themselves, would it be some type of satisfaction thing, a feeling of freedom, type thing..?... to use a descriptive for someone for something that could for various reasons, be beyond their control...I mean I just don’t get it...that ‘acceptable’ is something that seems the thing...so much is ...oh back in the day, this could be said and that could be said but oh, uh....PC culture now...but back in the day, in the day I knew of...people found their own ‘acceptability’ and remained thoughtful in their words...there was understanding of just not ‘hurting’ people unnecessarily....there was no ‘needing’ to be told of an ‘acceptablity’...or to ask what would be an acceptability...so far as weight is concerned...it would be very rare for thoughtless words from strangers or work colleagues who are not close friends and genuinely concerned to have an ‘impact’ of ‘helping’...but it would be very easy for those thoughtless words to have an impact of someone only been made to feel lower about themselves...and I think we all do a pretty successful job of feeling lower about ourselves and critical of ourselves already...there is no ‘help’ needed from anyone else...other than those who we are close to in our lives, who are feeling genuine concern....’obesity’ is something to be addressed in terms of health issues obviously...but not addressed in terms of ‘fat shaming’ diescriptives, which only serve to counter any genuine concerns...

I know.I have loads of fat friends.
My post was meant to be kind of humorous.

[thesheriff443]

Originally Posted by Toy Soldier

BH if you're going to say anything regarding weight you might as well just say fat. No one is going to be LESS offended by being called "the larger lady" than "the fat lady"... I mean... unless they're not the brightest - they know what you mean. Either don't mention physical attributes at all, or just go with it .

Of course the ACTUAL polite thing to do, would be to introduce yourself to people and learn their name in the first place and then remember it.

They are not in view!, and not in earshot, it's about what's acceptable when describing someone to another person.

It's about social awareness, and in a company with different departments you don't go around talking to everyone and people come and go in work.

[Maru]

Sure. Why would I get upset for someone else? If they're keen to live in their truth, then it's acceptable to common terms to refer to the same thing... that's assuming the context is mainly descriptive for the purposes of identifying someone in a room, not as their general label within a group. I wouldn't even think it's rude, just they're not a very creative one ...

[rusticgal]

Originally Posted by LeatherTrumpet

So you would lie

How is that a lie?..the larger lady is a more tactful way of describing a 'fat' person...and I'm tactful.

[Marsh.]

Originally Posted by LeatherTrumpet

2 work collegues discussing some new workers at work. "can you get someone to cover for mandy on the front desk?" says Tom. "Yes" says Marc "there is one of the new ones that has that very experience" "Oh?" says Tom "which one?"

Now Marc has not got the names to hand but he has met them as has Tom, briefly

"the em, the fat lady" says Marc

"aaah" right says Tom I will go and ask her

Now as Jesy is the only fat lady (she is 18 stone and 5 foot 6") Marc was efficient in going for the most recognisable aspect for Tom and indeed Jesy is a fat lady due to lifestyle choices.


But is that acceptable if not why?

If he has met them, he should be professional enough to know their names already.

If not, ask. Or use their clothing "In the blue blouse" etc.